Will All of the Real Moms Please Stand Up?
ByWhy? Why do we do it to ourselves?
We’re all just moms.
Why do we think (even though we know better) that all the other moms have everything under control, all of the time? Why do we see messes in our own homes and feel badly because the other moms surely never have messes like the ones we have? Or at least not as often as we do? Why do we sometimes feel like a failure when our kids don’t obey…again?
Why do we sometimes feel like we aren’t doing a good enough job? Why do we think that our kids are the only ones who throw fits?
Why does it seem like my children are the only ones who haven’t learned to put their games away before they get out another toy to play with?
Haven’t I trained them well enough? Haven’t I told them the same things over and over again?
Do any of these thoughts go through your head when you and your kids are having a bad day? Do you tend to assume that your kids are the only ones that (fill in the blank)?
I’m here to tell you that there are many times that:
- My kids don’t obey me the first time.
- My floor has toys all over the place (mixed in with dirt and dust bunnies).
- My kids have boogers on the end their fingers and they just don’t seem to know what to do with them.
- Nobody can find matching and/or clean socks.
- My kids would rather not change their clothes.
- My kids want to argue with me.
- My kids fight with each other.
- No one (but me) can see the junk under the dresser that needs to be picked up.
- My bathrooms smell like pee. (C’mon boys…learn to aim already.)
When those things happen, I can second guess myself and the fact that I really am doing a good job with this mothering/homemaking thing God has called me to do.
I can feel like I’m failing at the most important job I’ve been given, second to being my husband’s help meet, but of course sometimes I’m really struggling with that one too.
And I feel like everyone else must be doing a much better job than I am.
And that surely none of the other Christian wives and mothers out there feel this way. Because the other Christian wives and mothers surely never get frustrated or behind on their work or overwhelmed. Because the other Christian wives and mothers are all more organized than I am and probably pray more than I do and train their kids better than I do and have a meek and quiet spirit and always have a gentle answer for their precious little ones.
Yeah…it’s all a lie.
A big fat juicy lie (with a booger on top).
We are not alone.
Our job is a work in progress. Continually. All the time. Forever and ever amen.
The training and the loving and the nurturing and the cleaning and the crying and the praying…it’s continual.
We train and we work and we pray and we just keep doing it. Day after day.
Guess what Moms? That’s what ALL of us are doing. Day after day.
Training children to be like Jesus is the hardest job on this earth. Training them to be like Jesus in the middle of trying to grow to be like Jesus ourselves….
Yeah, Satan doesn’t like that very much.
That’s why he makes it so hard. He doesn’t want to us to succeed.
And he really wants you to think that you are the only one who is struggling.
So, if you are a real mom – the kind that has imperfect children and an imperfect home? The kind that is working really, really hard to train your children to be like Jesus. The kind that has a hard time keeping up with every single thing that needs to be done every single day. The kind that is plugging away and striving to be Godly, but not quite reaching perfection.
The kind of mom that relies continually on the grace of God and on His loving mercy.
Won’t you please join me in acknowledging this battle we’re in together?
I’d love it if all us real moms would please leave a comment here on this post. Even if all you do is sign your name. Or simply say, “Yes, I’m a real mom.”
Or, if you’re really feeling brave – go ahead and tell us about your latest parenting/homemaking struggle. Because we’ve all been there done that (or if we haven’t yet…we probably will tomorrow).
And then the next time any real mom out there is having a bad day or needs a little reassurance -
She can come here to this post and be reminded by the list of all of us other real moms that she is a part of a community of other women doing many of the same things she is doing everyday. And struggling with many of the same things she is struggling with day after day….
And we’ll all know that we are not alone.
From one real mom to another…Thank You.
I hope you don’t mind a non-Christian posting…but I was happy to see this post. I constantly feel like I’m struggling with my job out of the home, raising my daughter, taking care of our pets, and trying to keep everything in order at home with a husband who is less than supportive in anything other than his own job. I do find myself wondering constantly if other moms are struggling as I am, and I feel better knowing that they are, that it is normal, and that we are all in this together. Thanks for all of your great posts thus far.
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Laura Reply:
October 17th, 2011 at 2:58 pm
You are absolutely welcome to post a comment – I’m glad my post encouraged you. We definitely are all in this together!
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CFloyd Reply:
January 21st, 2012 at 10:06 am
Good for you for not letting a “difference” stop you from receiving a commonality. There are some women who work well in their way. It doesn’t take from the fact that many, many of us struggle because of a false lie. There are no perfect mothers or perfect children. The words that encouraged me from a 20 year homeschooling father of many is: God didn’t call us to be successful; he called us to be faithful.
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Amen, amen! There are many days I say to Him “You have more faith in me then I do. Thank you”. Just knowing that He trusts me, believes in me, sometimes that is enough to see me through for just a little longer. Thank you for the reminder!
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Man, I didn’t think that I was judging myself so much (not today, at least) until the tears came suddenly in the middle of this post. Thanks for reminding us that we don’t have to be perfect or even pretend that we are. I am so grateful that I have this whole huge community of mothers that are willing to be REAL and HONEST about life and our struggles. I can’t seem to find that in the real world. How did mothers survive before the internet?! :)
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Thank you!
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Sisters together in Christ and in our motherhood.
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This has been such a difficult topic for me over the last several months. I have 5 adopted children and with this are children that need a great amount of healing. Unfortunately, healing doesn’t come when we want it to, but it’s the work between the child and God our Father.
My issue is, not being accepted by people because of my adopted children. Three of them were our foster children and boy, can that come with a stigma. If one of my niece, nephew or grandchild comes down with some illness, they always assume it’s the cause of the foster children. Do they not realize how hurtful this is?
Some of my extended family thinks these children have been with me long enough and should be better behaved. Our children have been excluded from events because my children don’t act like “young adults”. I have chosen to not have a relationship with my family because of the stress of needing to have my children act like young adults. My family is “very” religious and tends to be judgmental.
Because I have been told that I’m not a good mother by one relative and she said she was speaking for the family,(She has never been married nor had children) I want to isolate myself from events that include children and people I know.
I hope this is an okay blog to let it all out. I am so stressed and feel like I don’t have anyone to talk with that would really understand. Thanks for listening.
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Laura Reply:
October 24th, 2011 at 10:19 am
I’m very thankful you shared your concerns and pain here – this is the perfect place! It sound like, no matter what others are saying or thinking, that you are doing a wonderful job of loving on this children who need you so much. Way to go! May God continue to give you the strength to serve Him in this way.
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Annie Reply:
November 8th, 2011 at 4:03 pm
Please email me…our stories are very similar & I’d love to get to know you better!
I have 5 adopted children also:-)
I’m Annie….you can contact me at ppbcportland@gmail.com
Here it is again just I’m case it blocks my email from showing!!
Ppbcportland at gmail dot com!!
Really hope to hear from you:-)
Warmly,
Annie
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Me too!!
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Couldn’t have said it better today. I can’t believe I stumbled upon this post today of all days! Was just assembling my end of the day status update for Facebook to read something like this, “Well, on some days of parenting, if nothing else worked, at least I can put them to bed.” Thanks for the encouragement.
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I am a real Mom!
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I am a real mom with real grey hair to prove it! Thank you for the reminder that we all face the same questions; am I doing this right and what else can I do?
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I am as equally thankful for this post!
Yesterday my 3 year old had a crying fit on the way into the YMCA and all the way upstairs to kids care because I had no snacks in the car!!!! Then she had another crying fit because I picked out the treats for her sister and brother for after school treats…. Oh and not just crying, no of. Ourselves not, it was screaming and kicking my car seat,,,Everyday I think that I am a flawed mother.
Today while making cookies I ran out of peanut butter, it’s an easy fix, but I had just returned from the store.
Mothers, I get it….
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Oh, and Laura, my bathroom smells like pee too!
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Tiffany Reply:
November 7th, 2011 at 7:50 pm
haha! This made me laugh. My bathroom used to smell like pee.
All the boys (yes, Dad too) in my house sit down now.
They have great aim … it just splashes out because they’re tall!
Problem solved.
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I am such a real mom! It’s so comforting to know I’m not alone. I keep having those moments where Satan tries to filter in lies… “you’re not good enough for these kids” or “you’re messed up”, etc…
Striving to grow in Christ and teach my kids the God way at the same time = VERY REAL MOM here!
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I am a real mom! I struggle with the daily guilt trip of not spending enough time with my kids and husband. I am going back to school for nursing and that doesn’t leave time for much of anything else. I feel horrible when I am having to study instead of spending time with my kids. Everyone says, “It will be worth it”. I am not sure about that. But I don’t want to be a quitter. I don’t want my kids to start something and think it’s ok to quit. I have a lot riding on my decision. So I definitely know how you feel and this guilt trip we put ourselves on. We will never measure up to the expectations we have put on ourselves. I am glad to know I am not the only one who struggles.
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I think we all need to remind ourselves that life is a SPIRITUAL battle ground and none of us can survive the struggle on our own. Satan definitely does have it in for us all and I can just picture him when he encourages us to try to do everything and then sits back and laughs at us when we fail. At times like this I have to remember that God says he will give me everything I need to accomplish HIS will, this includes sending me the power of his Holy Spirit which I choose to believe is a real being that I just can’t see now with my less than perfect human eyes.
We also need to remember to develop deep meaningful relationships with other mothers who can be warriors for us (in prayer and other ways) when the going gets tough and we are unable to advocate for ourselves. Thanks to my friend Andrea for lifting me up to the Father today and for reminding me to tell Satan (again) that he has no place in my house.
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I’m so glad to know that I’m not the only one with bathrooms that smell like pee. It creaps up on me and I can’t seem to figure out where it is coming from–the smell; I know where the pee comes from.
I struggle with a multitude of day-to-day problems too:
Hubby puts salt on everything he eats and teaches my babies to do it too.
Little boy who won’t wear a coat, or long sleeves, or long pants. Winter is coming on … I want walk (with him in the stroller) what to do?
Bigger boy who won’t comb his hair before school. I *try* to tell myself “It’s his hair.” As he walks out of the house with bedhead hair sticking in all directions.
Plus, a small helping of the poignant struggles like chronic health problems and other soul tempering, humility producing, patience demanding pains that hone off the indurite parts of my personality.
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I know I commented when this came out two years ago but I can’t tell you how many times I have thought of this post. Thank you for being brave enough to write this. It encouraged me again today :)
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i am a real mom…. :-)
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Just stumbled on the this site. I am a real mom too, reading these post were very comforting. I know mothering matters just some time feel so down in the dumps. Thanks for the encouragement. If it make anyone feel better it’s past 8 pm and none kids are ready for bed yet :)
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Yup, I am a real mom too! I was a very real mom today! Holly above said, “I think we all need to remind ourselves that life is a SPIRITUAL battle ground and none of us can survive the struggle on our own.” is such a true statement! I appreciate the post, but even more appreciate the REAL MOMS who have left a reply. Thank you!
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I’m a real mom! And as my 6 kids wildly abandon their school lessons for a lunch break, I want to say thank you to all of you real moms out there for your encouragment. Now, I think I will go join my kids.
Thanks!
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Me too! I have 2 girls through college, one on her own and 8 to go! Thank goodness I’m raising His kids. I can’t imagine what life would be like without Him. I only have 2 boys…it’s the 7 girls in the bathroom! Ladies, keep on schooling, cleaning, and loving. My grandson is proof it was all worth it! (Even if we didn’t get to science today, had a breakdown during math, there’s not a clean towel in the house and it’s grilled cheese for dinner…)
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To Lanette – from one adoptive mom to another… I’m sure you’re a wonderful mom and have wonderful children. I think it’s good to distance yourself from family members who are questioning your parenting and causing you stress – you and your children don’t need negative energy. Hopefully they will come around and will respect you and adore your children. Peace to you and your family.
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Lanette Reply:
November 25th, 2011 at 5:21 pm
Thanks, Kris
I have distance myself and praying they will change. It has been hard especially during the holidays.
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You know, my husband tells me all the time that I’m believing a lie from the enemy when I go on and on about how I just don’t measure up in comparison to “other moms”… but I never fully believed him until I read this post. I suppose I’m just surrounded by an unusual crop of particularly capable wives and moms who seem to have it all together. So it really is easy to believe that I’m second rate. But you and my husband are right. That is precisely how the enemy gets under my skin and I have been allowing him to deceive me. Guess I just needed to hear it from another mom. So, thank you for that!
Also, regarding the bathroom that smells like pee – my four year old son has come up with a clever solution. This afternoon, I walked to the kitchen window to check on him as he was playing in the back yard. I arrived just in time to watch him pee from the top step of the ladder leading to his almost-finished tree house that his daddy is building for him. Problem solved! He also has a solution for pooping in the potty, because we all know how inconvenient that is for a little boy who just wants to be outside all day! But … that story involves my flower beds, and might not be appreciated by all who read this. :)
Thanks for the encouragement! So grateful to know I’m not alone. I’m SO a real mom! :)
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I, too, am a real mom. Thank you for this encouraging post. I know in my heart I’m a good mom, but doubt that in my head. Sometimes my heart and my head fight and I just need to remember to trust my heart because that is where Jesus lives and not listen to my head when the enemy is telling lies to the insecurity in my head.
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This is a wonderful post, I think we all need this reminder from time to time! Also, if fits, a messy house, and unwanted boogers make you a real mom, then I am DEFINITELY a real mom!
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I am a real mom! I too have struggled with these thoughts. That maybe I didn’t go over the alphabet with my 2 yr old (almost 3) enough, or do enough crafts, or teach him about God enough. Or maybe I didn’t help build my 1 yr olds creative imagination today, or hold her enough when she wanted my attention becuase I was too busy with some other motherly/wife/work task. I work 1-2 days a week as an RN and it kills me when I’m there becuase all I want to do is be at home. My 1 yr old has been walking, but not more than 5 steps. Today, I missed her first long walk, from kitchen to living room..as well as her first independent turn going down our small slide. It’s hard to give yourself fully to everything…it’s an every day growth and struggle to be 100% where you are. Sometimes you just have to work for obvious reasons, but it’s difficult when your heart is home. And goodness knows there are other reasons for feeling like I’m a real mom. It’s so encouraging to hear from other mom’s, whether there able to be home all the time, in school, or have a amazing adopted family of 5. Thanks for sharing this post!
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What a blessing of a post. I am up to my ears in making Christmas gifts and trying to have my family cook and eat better. This post is so encouraging. Now off to wipe the boogers off my wall…
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Oh what a wonderful post!!! And was needed in such a huge way right now for me. Thank you Laura and to all the other ladies who responded. I am a real mom and I am not alone!
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It was so nice to hear that other moms are not all perfect. When my kids don’t listen to me and refuse to eat the perfectly good food I make for them, I start to feel like “Why am I doing this?” But it’s good to know that others are struggling sometimes and I just have to remember that God gave me these children and to remember that he doesn’t give us more than he knows we can handle.- so they say… and I think “Why me?” But I know God had his reasons even though they are hard to see.
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I’m a real mom, and I so desperately needed this tonight. It’s been an awful day, and we’ve had some rough weeks these past few weeks. I have believed the lie that I’m not good enough, that I don’t do enough of this or that, that my house is a constant mess because I’m not prioritizing my time (I homeschool our two oldest kids, ages 7 and 4, keep the 1 year old entertained, and am expecting #4 in a couple of months)…the list goes on and on. Thanks for an honest and refreshing post, one that reminds us that none of us is perfect, yet God still loves us.
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I am a real mom…and I feel it…every single day…
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Thank you for this post! I was hoping to be able to like it on Facebook to share with my friends. I think that they would benifit to it also! I know that I struggle with these things also! Thank goodness for the body of Christ and the unmessurable grace that our Lord and Savior gives us!
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Kim Reply:
January 16th, 2012 at 12:43 pm
When I copied the url into my fb post a link popped up!
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Stephanie Reply:
January 23rd, 2012 at 8:34 am
Thank you! I’m not very good with the computer stuff.
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I have been struggling with this since my second child was born….that I can’t do everything perfectly all the time. I have to remind myself that the only person who cares (or notices) is me. My Mother asked me one evening what I remembered of my childhood. I responded with being happy, feeling loved, and having fun with my family. She asked me if I remembered our house being clean, laundry done, beds made, etc. My answer was no. Her response was because it doesn’t matter. You love your children and God. That, and only that, makes you a good mother….and the rest will come. That has helped me more than anything. So I am trying to play and laugh and love more, the dishes can wait! I am a real Mom!!!
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I love your blog. It is the best blog I have discovered in such a long time. It is informative and inspiring. I keep interrupting my husband’s playoff game to tell him about everything I am learning. Go 49ers! :)
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AMEN!! it’s a daily thing for me to doubt myself, for me to wonder if i should hand my kiddos over to another, because i obviously am messing it all up. Feeling incompetent as a mama is horrible, but real. and why do “surprise” guests only surprise you when your house is upside down??? they never surprise you when everything is neat and tidy. i am glad i am not alone and i promise you are not alone either. From missing socks; to burnt dinner; to sticky floors; to defiant sneaky lil demons oh, i mean defiant, sneaky lil boys; to pee covered bathrooms (didnt i just clean the bathrooms an hr ago???)……….i’ve been there, i’m there, Lord help me. I constantly pray, Lord i know you will not give me more than i can handle, but must you trust me sooo much??? sending kudos and mama power to all the real mamas.
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I’m a real mom, with real boogies on the wall, a bathroom that smells used, kids who show me that just when I think we’ve got things down, there’s always room to grow, laundry & dishes & meals that need doing when I’ve no time or energy to do them all the way I’d like. I’m a real mom who, when I just open my eyes to what really matters, can see that children really are a blessing from the Lord, & that toys are meant to be played with, food is meant to be eaten, dishes & clothes are meant to be dirtied & cleaned & dirtied again, toilets are meant to be peed in, furniture & books & all this other stuff is meant to be used…& when a family with 6 children uses things, we really use them! I’m a real mom, with real children, & all of us are learning to be Christ-like together…so yeah, they mess up, but, man, so do I! God gives us grace, & we all need to give it to each other, as a family, & as Christians. Thanks for the post, Laura, & for all the comments, Real Moms!
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Thank you so much for this! It’s like you’ve been inside my head (and my house). My husband’s been deployed for almost 11 months, and I constantly struggle with not keeping up with everything, and feeling like I’m failing my girls. So encouraging to read these words, and know I’m not alone.
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