Will All of the Real Moms Please Stand Up?

Will All of the Real Moms Please Stand Up

Why? Why do we do it to ourselves?

We’re all just moms.

Why do we think (even though we know better) that all the other moms have everything under control, all of the time?  Why do we see messes in our own homes and feel badly because the other moms surely never have messes like the ones we have?  Or at least not as often as we do?  Why do we sometimes feel like a failure when our kids don’t obey…again?

Why do we sometimes feel like we aren’t doing a good enough job?  Why do we think that our kids are the only ones who throw fits?

Why does it seem like my children are the only ones who haven’t learned to put their games away before they get out another toy to play with?

Haven’t I trained them well enough?  Haven’t I told them the same things over and over again?

Do any of these thoughts go through your head when you and your kids are having a bad day?  Do you tend to assume that your kids are the only ones that (fill in the blank)?

I’m here to tell you that there are many times that:

  • My kids don’t obey me the first time.
  • My floor has toys all over the place (mixed in with dirt and dust bunnies).
  • My kids have boogers on the end their fingers and they just don’t seem to know what to do with them.
  • Nobody can find matching and/or clean socks.
  • My kids would rather not change their clothes.
  • My kids want to argue with me.
  • My kids fight with each other.
  • No one (but me) can see the junk under the dresser that needs to be picked up.
  • My bathrooms smell like pee.  (C’mon boys…learn to aim already.)

When those things happen, I can second guess myself and the fact that I really am doing a good job with this mothering/homemaking thing God has called me to do.

I can feel like I’m failing at the most important job I’ve been given, second to being my husband’s help meet, but of course sometimes I’m really struggling with that one too.

And I feel like everyone else must be doing a much better job than I am.

And that surely none of the other Christian wives and mothers out there feel this way.  Because the other Christian wives and mothers surely never get frustrated or behind on their work or overwhelmed.  Because the other Christian wives and mothers are all more organized than I am and probably pray more than I do and train their kids better than I do and have a meek and quiet spirit and always have a gentle answer for their precious little ones.

Yeah…it’s all a lie.

A big fat juicy lie (with a booger on top).

We are not alone.

Our job is a work in progress.  Continually.  All the time.  Forever and ever amen.

The training and the loving and the nurturing and the cleaning and the crying and the praying…it’s continual.

We train and we work and we pray and we just keep doing it.  Day after day.

Guess what Moms?  That’s what ALL of us are doing.  Day after day.

Training children to be like Jesus is the hardest job on this earth.  Training them to be like Jesus in the middle of trying to grow to be like Jesus ourselves….

Yeah, Satan doesn’t like that very much.

That’s why he makes it so hard.  He doesn’t want to us to succeed.

And he really wants you to think that you are the only one who is struggling.

So, if you are a real mom – the kind that has imperfect children and an imperfect home?  The kind that is working really, really hard to train your children to be like Jesus.  The kind that has a hard time keeping up with every single thing that needs to be done every single day.  The kind that is  plugging away and striving to be Godly, but not quite reaching perfection.

The kind of mom that relies continually on the grace of God and on His loving mercy.

Won’t you please join me in acknowledging this battle we’re in together?

I’d love it if all us real moms would please leave a comment here on this post.  Even if all you do is sign your name.  Or simply say, “Yes, I’m a real mom.”

Or, if you’re really feeling brave – go ahead and tell us about your latest parenting/homemaking struggle.  Because we’ve all been there done that (or if we haven’t yet…we probably will tomorrow).

And then the next time any real mom out there is having a bad day or needs a little reassurance -

She can come here to this post and be reminded by the list of all of us other real moms that she is a part of a community of other women doing many of the same things she is doing everyday.  And struggling with many of the same things she is struggling with day after day….

And we’ll all know that we are not alone.

From one real mom to another…Thank You.

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Comments

  1. Lish says

    Boy did this come at the right time. After telling my kids for the 18th time to clean up their toys, and feeling like I can’t even get the dishes put away and laundry folded, I took a breath read this, and then went and gave my kiddos a big hug and kiss. Thank you for reminding me.

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  2. Becky says

    real mom here… checking in. I sure needed to read this today. bless you!

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    Kimberly Reply:

    Amen, sisters! Me, too! :-) WHEW—-I’m n-o-r-m-a-l after all!

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  3. Rachel says

    Thank you so much for this post, Laura. I’m mama to two boys, a two year old and a two month old, and right now I’m getting more wrong than right, but it’s so encouraging to know I’m not alone.

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  4. Jennifer says

    I literally sobbed while reading this…it’s like you have been visiting my house! I have felt so discouraged lately as a mommy to two young children. I put them down for the naps and was crying out to God asking for peace and guidance right before reading this. I have been feeling like such a failure, but feel a bit more encouraged now. I am definitely one of the moms God had you write this post for. Thank you!!

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  5. Lisa says

    I feel like I’m not enough for my daughter who is an only child and that she would flourish more if she were in school because she would have friends and better opportunity for extra curricular activities that I cannot afford to give her. And lately I feel like I’d do my family better by getting a full-time job outside of the home. The only way I could really do this is to work where my husband works, as we only have one vehicle. I feel depressed and unhappy, and like my prayers (especially for provision) are being ignored. My husband lost his job in the spring and started a new on in July, and we are still playing “catch up”. We run an online business, but it’s not enough. I have no money for new curriculum for her (she’s going into 8th grade) and I really wanted to get her Teaching Textbooks math this year, and she was very excited for it. I’ve prayed and prayed and prayed, and this morning, at wit’s end, I told God that I will not make excuses for Him to my daughter. I feel guilty, and I feel like I’m failing as a mom. And I feel like I have nowhere to turn. I know, probably too much information. I just feel desperate.

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    Laura Reply:

    Don’t give up! God is faithful, and answers prayers with exactly what we need, at just the right time. He is good, all the time, and He knows the hurt you feel right now. Continue to lean on him. You are a great mom – keep letting God be in control, loving you the way He longs to do.

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    Beth Reply:

    I agree! Do not give up! God is faithful to continue the good work that He has begun in you. I understand where you are right now, as I’ve been there too. But just keep leaning on God and let Him guide you. He will provide for you. He will help you and give you strength.

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    Melinda Reply:

    Another real mom here…

    Laura, I know the email addresses here are private, but is there a way you could contact Lisa and ask her to email me? I am feeling God’s nudging here and I know I need to help her.

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    Laura Reply:

    Will do. :)

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    MARY Reply:

    Lisa,

    Look online…google…”Khan Academy”…they’ve been getting really good results with their programs…which are FREE and I believe, for the most part, online. I was attracted to it most recently (like a week) for math help for a young person who’s struggling with math, but haven’t had time to really look into it. It might be beneficial for your daughter.

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    Ann Reply:

    Hi Lisa :) Please look up the Home School Foundation. They may be able to help you with your curriculumn needs.

    Have a beautiful day. I prayed for you today :)

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    Ann Reply:

    Curriculum :)

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  6. Sarah says

    Well, I’m not going to stand up because I’m too tired from being a real mom but thanks for the great reminder!

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  7. donna says

    Yup, that’s right :)
    mom of 11 here, agreeing with you…every mom needs encouragement, usually quite regularly. No matter where we are in the journey.

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  8. Beth says

    I’m a real mom who is struggling to allow an 18 y/o recent high school graduate make his own choices without my meddling. Thanks for this post. I really needed it!

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  9. Linda miller says

    I’m a grandma of twins and tell my daughter I don’t know how she does it! I have back problems and can’t clean like I use to ! I get frustrated at times But I have to stop and think it could be worse! I could be bedridden and unable to do anything I! So I praise god for helping me get done what I can, it’s only dirt and it will still be there tomorrow maybe I’ll get the dust pan no I would rather read or crochet!

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  10. Holley says

    Real mom here! Thank you for posting this! Things constantly seem to be out of control at my home and I am also a stay at home, homeschooling mom (2 lovely kids!). The thing that gets me often is when there’s 3 loads of laundry to be put away, sink full of dishes and toys from one end of the house to the other (which is the ONLY time people drop in to say hi) I feel this is my job, I’m the “stay at home” mom, shouldn’t my house be totally perfect all the time…..and that’s just not the case! This article is perfect because in these moments I do feel inadequate and sad that things aren’t put in order and how other moms do it better or seem to be perfect! Thank you!!!

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  11. Joelle says

    Amen! I pray for God’s grace daily. The most important thing is that we recognize the goal and strive everyday to reach it, no matter how many times we stumble.

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  12. Pam says

    I am a real mom of one, a single mom. I feel as if I’m getting it wrong every time my daughter doesn’t want to talk to me on the phone, or how on the first day of school she didn’t want to hug me. Or how when I have to work because I need the money. It’s hard but I’m trying, I’m still marching on everyday. I never forget to tell her how much I love her and miss her. It hurts when she draws a family picture of her dad and her stepmom and leaves me out but I never stop loving her or trying to be a great mom! Thanks for this post because I sure needed it.

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  13. Erica says

    Real mom here need this post today. I have a very strong willed 4 year and we are still trying to teach her that hitting / hurting anyone is not ok. There are days were getting her do 1 little act of obencence is a struggle. I feel like she will always think she is in charge. Whih she is not. About the house being clean maybe when my 2 and 4 year are graduated from school. Thank you please keep posting. Stay home moms need this the days are long but seeing my babies grow up to being God super heros makes it all the crazzy stuff go away.

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  14. Laura says

    Found this at just the right time. I spent 80 percent of yesterday in a pity party and took my eyes off Jesus and placed them on me. After the convicting of the Holy Spirit and once again asking for forgiveness for my failings, I stumbled onto your website and received the encouragement I needed. God is so good!

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  15. Jessica says

    I’m a mom of 4, separated from my husband. I don’t feel like I have it together at all, but I’m trying everyday to lead my children closer to The Lord. My heart is broken every day. I cry, my laundry is never folded, but I keep pushing. It’s hard so I’m glad to hear in not alone.

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    MARY Reply:

    Jessica,
    You’re not supposed to ‘have it all together’. First priority is to take care of YOUR CHILDREN’S MOTHER (yourself). THEN your kids. Then your home. If you’ve ever flown in a plane, the flight attendant will give instructions. You’re instructed, if and when the oxygen mask comes down, to first use it on yourself. THEN on your child….or elderly parent with you….because you’re of no use to your child or elderly parent if you’re dead from not breathing.

    You are dealing with a huge challenge with your separation and all that emotional and financial stuff involved. Add to that, the responsibility of 4 children (each with their own issues of your separation), trying to be both Mom & Dad while handling everything else that needs your attention. Your laundry doesn’t need to be folded. If you think it does, get your kids to help. As an aside, my kids used to try and get me to do stuff for them….like tie their shoes or fold ‘fitted’ bedsheets. I would show them how to tie or fold by actually doing it for them. THEN I WOULD UNDO the laces or sheets, hand them back to the child and say, “Here, now YOU do it.” I always lived by my motto of NEVER DO FOR A CHILD WHAT A CHILD CAN DO FOR THEMSELVES…unless you want to. Even a 2-year-old is capable of helping. Teach them. Then LET THEM. They won’t do it perfectly. Neither will you. That’s not important. They don’t expect you to be perfect. They don’t expect you to be their ‘friend’. They expect you to be their parent and to love them and accept them. The five of you have a lot to deal with, but you WILL make it.

    Couple last thoughts: Re-read and ponder the poem FOOTPRINTS and know that Jesus doesn’t desert you during the hard times. That’s when He carries you.

    When God gives you more than you can stand. Kneel.

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  16. Tara says

    I Am A Real Mom Of 4 With A Babysitting Job Of 2 Monday THrough Friday. I Also Homeschool My Kids But I Am Struggling To Be Consistant.

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  17. says

    Real Mom here too!

    Lately I keep motivated by reminding myself of the Robert Louis Stevenson quote:

    “Judge each day not by the harvest you reap but by the seeds you plant.”

    Hang in there. Keep breathing. Pray. Every day is a new day!

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  18. Kari says

    Mom of 5 from 15 to 5months and went from no kids to all 5 in two years. Still adjusting to this mothering thing and also homeschooling stuff. Need encouragement daily and struggle with messes and controlling.

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  19. Christa says

    Yes, I’m a real mom! Thanks for the post, Laura. Just today, I struggled with how the house keeps getting messier and how I seem to be the only one who cares or who is willing to do anything about it, trying to school the kids, wanting to get out in the beautiful weather but school not being done, noticing the horribly weedy yard and wanting to pull weeds while the kids want me to play Frisbee, trying to get the kids to shower so we can read together before bed while they would rather drive remote-control trucks and try to catch butterflies, and so tired of their impatience and speaking unkindly to each other. Yes, I often think I am totally missing some major tips and tricks in many areas of life that would help me be better and more together like every other mom seems to be.

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  20. Amanda says

    As a SAHM of four kids, I can tell you my house is always a mess, there is always laundry to be done, and I always feel like I’m failing. I absolutely HATE housework. I have a plaque on my wall that says:

    Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying I will try again tomorrow.

    It helps me to remember that I’m only human and can’t POSSIBLY do it all.

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  21. Ema says

    Real mom here! I have beautiful seven month old baby who has recently learned to crawl, and these days I spend so much time just playing with her because she asks me to. My husband doesn’t want either of us, and so I’m pretty much a single mom, minus that I don’t have to provide (yet.). So as the marriage is crashing down over my head, I just love on my baby so that she will never learn from me what it means to feel unwanted. The house is a mess, but I don’t want to miss this time while she’s changing so fast! I don’t have it all together, and I am terrified of what the future holds. I only hope she isn’t picking up worry and stress from me.

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    Laura Reply:

    So sorry to hear you’re going through such a hard time. God is big, and is loving you through this. Draw strength from Him. I will pray for you.

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  22. Amber Macomber says

    I am a real mom. Struggling to keep up with the housework. I lack motivation to stay on top of it all. I’m trying to do better. It is nice to know I am not alone.

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  23. says

    Wow, it was soo relieving to know that I’m not alone and that somewhere there is someone whose kids do not want to obey from the first time)) Thanks for this inspirational confession. I’m certain that it opened eyes and shifted theloaf from the minds of many struggling Moms.

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  24. MaryAnna Rose says

    Thank you so much for your blog. When I need encouragement – like tonight – this is where I come. ( Plus, there’s nowhere else I can find recipes that are always healthy, easy and family pleasing!)
    God bless you.

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  25. sharon says

    I am a mama to 4 children of my own and 3 step children. We have 7 kids in my home. I NEVER get everything done. My children (especially the boys) fight and argue. they all have attitudes at times, they argue with me. I wash dishes 4-5 times a day and then turn around and…..wash them again. I work full time, out of the home. My brain is constantly going, I’m constantly thinking about what I have to do next, where I have to go. My life is CHAOS! but, my kids are amazing, and I treasure the times (no matter how few) when they steal my heart by helping out, by working hard, by being kind to others, by using manners, by being respectful and obedient. I treasure those times!! Surely I cant be doing it all wrong, or there would be no times such as these to treasure. Forget the days when you go to bed with dishes in the sink, when the kids have been in time out for half the day, when you forget to sign school planners, when your pulling clean clothes out of the dryer because you were to exhausted to fold them, when the kids are wearing socks that “almost” match. They’re clean (mostly) and feed and clothed and safe and LOVED!!!!!! Rock on real moms, and make sure you take a shower this week ;)

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  26. Nair says

    First of all Laura thanx a lot for writing passiontlly about what mothers go through with their kids, I defenatelly fell like I am the only one going through what I go through and at times I feel like I am the only mother who has to go all around with my kids because I don’t have close family to help me out; this is what my kids AJ 12 years old addicted to playing games “we are still working on him” JJ is 8 sweetest boy in the house calls me his queen, but he can’t fold his own cloth so he decides that he
    must through in what he just took out from the closet nicely folded and leave it just like that both are sharing the room so the older blames the younger for their dirty room; unless I bribe them with offering to give the iPad for them to play; than there is my lovely daughter Aiyra she unpacks the toys or anything else out of its place , if asked to pack it back she replies that she is too tired to pack it back. The worst part is when their are out and cry or look at sweets or any other snack has if they never had it before… And there more when I call them they completely ignore me and come to respond with their time . I have to confess I am a short temper mother that feels guilty evertime I shout at my kids when they mess which happens all the time. My husband and I constantly talk with them to love and take care of one another… In the end their are great kids just doing unexpected behavior when they are not home leading one to wonder where did I go wrong…
    Last but not least my husband always jocks that their are only he’s kids when they are well behaved and their are mine kids when they miss behave…

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  27. Stacey says

    I don’t exactly know how I stumbled on this except to say it was the Holy Spirit guiding me. I laughed and cried my way through your article, Laura. I am a stay-at-home-mom to three teenagers who can be quite exasperating. The final straw this morning was when, after running necessary CHRISTmas errands, I came home to my messy / dirty kitchen then walked into the bathroom which smelled like pee (thanks boys!!). I had just been to the home of a friend of my middle son and immediately noticed the home was spotless and smelled of cleaning products. I walked in my home and felt (again) like a failure. I cried out to God wondering what purpose I am serving…are my children embarrassed to have friends over? Why does that mother have a perfect and great smelling home while mine looks like a hurricane ripped through it and needs a scented candle or baked goods in the oven to smell good?
    God is so good. He heard my cry and sent me to your site where I was looking at the $5 and Less CHRISTmas ideas when I noticed the “Popular Posts” and the title “Will All of the Real Moms Please Stand Up?” and was intrigued enough to check it out.
    Thank you for reminding me that I am not alone. In the grand scheme of my existence, it won’t matter that my house wasn’t spotless and that my children bicker. My children will remember that I was present for everything they did, cheered them on to every victory and wiped their tears. Or at least that’s what I hope.

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