Mentor Relationships

~Appreciate Your Spouse~Buoyancy in Marriage~Consult Your Partner~
~Dream Together Part One ~Dream Together Part Two~Empower Your Spouse~
~Have Fun With Your Spouse~Give to One Another~Honor Each Other~
~Be Intentional~Jubilee~Kingdom Focused~Listen

Mentor Relationships

What School are You Paying for? – Matt’s Thoughts

“How much better to get wisdom than gold, to choose understanding rather than silver!” (Proverbs 16:16)  I’ll Amen that.

“Wisdom is supreme; therefore get wisdom. Though it cost all you have, get understanding.” (Proverbs 4:7)  Amen to that too.

Now, how do I get me some of that wisdom and understanding that I so desperately need?

Most of my life I’ve been enrolled at UHK (University of Hard Knocks). UHK has an amazing presence.  There are satellite campuses everywhere I go. But in my shining moments I’ve sought out a mentor and avoided the expense of UHK.

As Laura and I have aimed for a healthy marriage, we also have looked to some couples modeling a healthy marriage who are farther down the road in their marital journey. We have watched them from a distance and visited with them couple to couple. We’ve been encouraged from afar and challenged by their words. We’ve heard their regrets, taking them to heart so as to avoid UHK for ourselves, and we’ve taken mental notes regarding their victories so that we can attempt to gain the same outcome.

Why don’t we do this more often, rather than paying room, board, tuition and fees to UHK? Many times it’s because I’m chasing gold and silver rather than wisdom and understanding.

How can I get me some wisdom?

“Listen to advice and accept instruction, and in the end you will be wise.” (Proverbs 19:20)

Red Flag Relationships – Laura’s Thoughts

Most of us tend to gravitate toward those who are in the same stage of life we are in. Singles like to hang out with other singles. Young marrieds like to spend time with other young marrieds. Parents with babies like to get together with other parents of babies. And on it goes.  This is all great and truly – many of our best friendships are based on the fact that we have so much in common. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with spending time and enjoying others in your stage of life – unless those are the only people you spend time with.

We’ve seen marriages destroyed because couples were not willing to look beyond their 20 or 30-something age group for companionship, guidance and encouragement.   We’ve been heart-broken to see relationships crushed because young couples were spending too much time with other young couples. It’s dangerous – watch and be aware of how close you are becoming with other couples, especially if these relationships are purely for fun and hold little spiritual depth.  Let a red flag be raised and make changes in your couple-to-couple friendships if you begin to find yourself becoming too “comfortable” with your friend’s spouse.

Be intentional about spending time with couples who will sharpen you, encourage you and make your marriage stronger. Seek out couples who have been married longer than you and who know more than you about maintaining a healthy marriage. Don’t be afraid of people who are older and wiser than you. Sit at their feet, ask questions, soak in what they have to say.

Your healthy marriage depends on it.

Ladies, we know you’re reading here more often than the guys. ;)  We’d love husbands to read this article as well. If you feel so inclined please send the link to your husbands, or if it’s easier, we’ve created a downloadable article for you to quickly print off and share. Healthy Marriage Tips A to Z – Mentors


  1. jenny says

    I have been blind to the friendships I have in older ladies/couples. Thank you for this enlightening post, both of you. It has given me serious food for thought…and prayer! Blessings to your family.


  2. says

    I completely agree! My older friend moms are great for helping me see the big picture. Because most of my mom friends are a decade or so older, I can get great advice from them. And as a couple, it’s been wonderful to see what a godly family looks like ten years down the road. We’ve always sought out these friendships.

    I’m having a 30th birthday party tomorrow, and it’s neat to see that my friends span so many decades.


  3. Bernadette says

    This may seem an obvious question, but how do you pursue those “mentor” style friendships? We are in a church plant and we definitely lack the gray haired crowd… or even the over 40 crowd. I trust the Lord will bring them our way, but in the mean time… my husband and I are in our late 20’s and some of the “oldest” spiritually. We would love to have some wiser saints to sup with… but they seem to be missing? Any ideas where you meet wiser saints if they don’t attend your church?


    Laura Reply:

    So sorry for the delay in responding to your question. We went through this in our 20’s too, whcn we were a part of a small congregation that was struggling. We finally looked beyond our church doors and found some great friends outside of our fellowship. Also, many of our mentors were states away, but we still considered them our mentors and support.

    God bless you in your church plant. What a wonderful work you are doing!


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