I Love Mother’s Day. Why Am I So Sad?
ByToday is Mothers’ Day. I love being a mother. I am so thankful that God blessed me with four wonderful children. I take them for granted, when truly they are the best gift God has given my husband and me.
My husband and boys do a wonderful job making Mother’s Day special for me. They don’t let me cook. They don’t let me do dishes. They take special annual Mother’s Day pictures out by the peach tree we planted four years ago. I love celebrating Mother’s Day with my men.
And yet, for some reason…all I can do today is cry.
I miss my own mama.
And today would have been her 61st birthday.
Why in the world did her birthday have to fall on Mother’s Day this year? Mother’s Day is hard enough. Her birthday is hard enough. Both on the same day? Ugh.
For a couple of weeks now, so many things I’ve seen and heard are painful reminders that I no longer have my mom around. Our radio keeps asking people to call in and share about why their mom is so special. There are ads all over the place suggesting that we should get our mothers flowers and other wonderful gifts.
You know what I would have given my mom for Mother’s Day/her birthday this year?
A new shirt.
Because that’s what I gave her every year. Because that’s what she always wanted. Because she loved getting new shirts. Because even though it felt boring and unoriginal to give her the exact same thing every year…if I didn’t pick out a new shirt for her…deep down I think she would have been disappointed. Because she loved getting a new shirt. And she loved it when I was the one picking out the new shirt for her. I knew just what she liked.
This time of year, I am drawn to shirts that my mom would have liked. When I am out shopping, I see a cute button up blouse (usually in some shade of blue) and I almost buy it. Every year. Because I always got her a new shirt.
And now, every year, I hurt and feel joy at the same time when I see a shirt that she would have liked for her birthday or for Mother’s Day. And I feel ridiculous standing in the clothing department with tears running down my face because for Pete’s sake, it’s a shirt. Who cries over shirts?
I do. Every May.
Anyway, I love Mother’s Day. It’s a wonderful day to honor precious women in our lives.
But today, I’m hurting. I’m weepy. And I miss my mom.
I figured you wouldn’t mind if I shared that with you.
Thank you for your honesty. You let me release a few needed tears. I found it hard to acknowledge Mother’s Day this year. Even though I have three of my children here, I just didn’t want to celebrate without my baby boy who’s in heaven. So I think I just plowed through without expecting any blessing out of the day, nor letting myself give in to the sadness. But its necessary and good. So thank you.
[Reply]
Laura Reply:
May 10th, 2010 at 10:32 am
Yes, cry it out. Yesterday MUST have been terribly hard for you. And, I’m sure you must feel like you can’t feel bad since you have three healthy children. But WOW, you have full rights to feel bad. I know you miss your baby boy so much and your mama heart is broken. I’m crying with you…
[Reply]
Just wanted to send a hug your way!
[Reply]
hello-
i know exactly how you are feeling. i lost my mother at age 12 back in 1994. every mother’s day since has been emotional. i cant help but feel alittle saddened with mother/daughter banquets, mother’s day, and anything else that my mom isnt here to celebrate.
i just became a first time mom this past february.
this mother’s day was filled with both joy and alittle sorrow. i love being a mom to my baby boy, but i SO wish my mother was here to celebrate with me.
i do feel fortunate to have aunts/sisters/grandma in my life.. but of course, nothing replaces the bond of a mother.
hope your day was special.
[Reply]
I hug my mama a little tighter when I read things like this, and I’m so sorry about your mama. I miss my daddy the same way every January because he passed away in January way too soon at age 50. It is so hard, but our thoughts are with you. You are a wonderful mother, and your mama would have been so proud of the life you’ve made. You are the mother you are partly because of her. Your boys will know her because of you. You are the gatekeeper of their memories as she was of yours. I read that about mothers and I’m convinced it is true. Thank you for all you do for the rest of us mothers. My family knows you and loves you too! :)
[Reply]
I can not relate to missing my Mom because I am with her at the moment, but having just lost Grandma (mom’s mom) I know a little of what you are feeling. We always bought grandma a new sweater and flowers for mother’s day. She liked coral pink. Hugs to you (in person, soon, I hope.)
[Reply]
Hugs! I miss my momma too. I lost here when I was a year and a half old… so no memories to hold on to, either.
anyway, just wanted you to know I know how you feel. this was perfect.
[Reply]
I have been reading your blog and I love it. I recently lost my Mom (November 30, 2009) and then my Dad died (Febuary 17, 2010). This whole weekend was really hard for me. I kept hearing those stinking radio ads requesting stories about Mom’s and it was so sad. I cried pretty much all day on Saturday. My mom would have been 62 on the 21st of this month so that will be a hard day too. Just wanted you to know your not alone. Thank you so much for your openness and for your blog!
[Reply]
Laura Reply:
May 10th, 2010 at 7:57 pm
Oh, to lose both parents in such a short amount of time. I’m sorry you’ve had such a rough time and pray that you feel God’s comfort as you grieve. Thank you for sharing this with us.
[Reply]
Thanks for sharing. I miss my mom a lot too.
I’m always reminding people to enjoy their family members while they are still here with us, even when the relationships can be difficult.
[Reply]
I’m so sorry, Laura. I didnt know you’d lost your mom. She was a sweet lady. I was thinking, maybe when you get the urge to buy a shirt for your mama you could give in to that impulse and donate it to a women’s shelter or the church clothing closet? Most years we buy a toy for Toys for Tots in memory of our little boy. Just a thought, dear one. ((((((((Laura)))))))))
[Reply]
I came across this a bit late, but I SO understand. My mom died in 2006 @53 years old. Mother’s Day has been so hard, in spite of my own 2 great kids. This year, my mom’s mom (Grandma to me) passed away. This was the first year I didn’t have anyone to celebrate. Like Mom’s birthday, this is a day I “get through” by the grace of God and pray it gets easier eventually.
[Reply]
Oh, hugs, Laura… I’m so sorry. Thank you so much for sharing this.
Blessings,
Michele
[Reply]