Frugal, Cheap or Poor?
ByHeya…just wanted to edit this post to clear up any unintended miscommunication about my use of the word “poor”. I am very sorry if any of you found this offensive. I in NO way want to communicate that I think being poor is a bad thing or that I look down on people who are poor.
The thoughts from this post really just came from the fact that my family has a lot of people in our lives that love us, but don’t always understand our frugal lifestyle. If we aren’t careful about how we communicate our “lack of spending” to people, they take our actions as meaning that we “don’t have enough money” and they feel sorry for us or go buy things for us (things that we were intentionally not buying, not because we don’t have the money but because of choices not to spend).
Does that makes sense, or did I just make it worse?! ;)
Recently my husband and I were talking about my torn jammies.
Great conversation piece, huh?
It’s just that in this post I had mentioned that I *only* had two pairs of jammies and one of them was literally falling apart. So, I finally bit the bullet (yum) and bought a new pair. And then I wrote, “When Malachi saw my new jammies he exclaimed with happiness then asked why I got new ones (cause it’s a big day when anyone gets something new around here).”
This led Matt and me to talk about how that may have sounded.
Does that sound like we’ve been too poor for me to buy new pajamas for myself? Does it sound like buying things we need, like new jammies, is just a far off dream?
Oh that poor family. Can’t even afford to get new pajamas for the missus.
I really and truly hadn’t bought new jammies for myself because for Pete’s sake, we are a throw-away-society and I don’t feel the need to throw away the old and buy new things until I really, really need them. That’s why I hadn’t bought new jammies for myself.
Do you ever feel like, because you are carefully watching your pennies and working hard not to spend money on things you don’t need, and trying to get a good deal on the things you do need…that you come across to others as looking…poor? Or cheap?
If we aren’t careful, we might come across that way. Are we the poor family with the stay-at-home-mom who has to make all of their food from scratch and cut every one’s hair herself and put her kids in hand me downs and grow a garden? Are we the poor family who can’t afford family cell phones and frequent eating out and new furniture and new vehicles?
I think it is super important for anyone who is frugal minded to come across to others as people who are happy, cheerful…downright FINE!
Avoid using the words “can’t afford” or “not enough money for…”. You truly may not be able to afford the subject you’re talking about, but those words portray a “poor me” attitude, literally. That attitude will not encourage others to want to spend wisely…it may instead cause others to feel sorry for you and try to avoid being in the state you’re in.
As we talk with others about what we have or don’t have and about what we do or do not spend our money on…I think it is important for us to share in a way that inspires others to want to be wise with their money also. Share your frugality in a way that sounds exciting and attainable! Say things in a way that lets people know that a frugal lifestyle is in no way boring.
Saving money, spending wisely, being frugal…it’s a joy! It’s fun! It works!!
Spread the love!
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This post is linked to Frugal Friday.
I usually say, “I don’t want to spend ____ on ___” For example; I don’t want to spend $40 on a shirt from Eddie Bauer when I can usually find something great for $1.99 at the Goodwill, also Eddie Bauer :o)
Dave Ramsey says that ‘poor’ is a mindset but ‘broke’ is a temporary situation. We happen to be broke and in debt right now, but oh so rich!
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Great post! I try to watch how I word things using “That isn’t a priority right now” or “We don’t need more…”
I need to be extra conscious of how I word things. 5 years ago we had a huge split level house, a new mini-van, and a 3 income family. My husband and I both put in 50+ hour weeks and our kids spent more time at Grandma’s then at home. Since then, we’ve changed our home and vehicles, I only work a few hours a week and my husband just took a job with less pay (and hours). But there are people (relatives) who don’t understand that this was a decision we made and treat us as though we are “poor.”
Does anyone know how to politley stop people from giving you stuff?
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Awesome post yet again… you sum up my feelings :)I think most people think we are too cheap and others might wonder if we are just really poor and I will admit that if you saw us at our on the farm (all wearing patched up clothes and clothes given to us by others (cause if your willing to part with them I am willing to take them :) ) ) we do come across looking a bit rough.. my husband and I just don’t see the sense in spending money on things we really don’t need.
Love the last two lines of your post
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HI, JUST LOVE THE WEBSITE.
I ALSO DON’T BUY “NEW” CLOTHES UNLESS I NEED THEM.-like trying to fit into clothes after baby.
I’M 32 AND MANY FRIENDS ASK HOW I “LEARNED” how to save money-i say just the same way a lot people today “learn” how to spend money without thinking. (but i really owe all the credit to my frugal grandma and mom-gotta love all the great hints i’ve gotten over the years.)
apparently we are not normal because we think about were the money we earn is being spent.
thanks for such and encouraging website
momma o 2boys
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Wow, good post thank you. I accept that my thriftiness is a necessity and yet also a choice. I’m ok with it. I even ENJOY the challenges of staying on budget. I mean, if you’re going to fall in love with a man in a uniform, you’d better be prepared to squeeze your pennies until they bleed dimes. :) I too use the phrase “not a priority” a lot. It reminds me that yeah, we have a plan and we have priorities and going to a movie with friends isn’t one of them.
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A phrase I recently learned to use is “I(we) could, but I (we) CHOOSE not to. It reminds me – and whomever is listening – that we DO have a choice, and that we are consciously exercising that choice. Thank you to Beth Moore for teaching me that one!
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thanks for this post…i totally agree!! it was a joy to read, might post it on my site(from you, of course!!) thanks!
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check it out here until the 18th!
http://www.mrsmoneysaver.com/2010/03/mabelino-coupon-binder/
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I can relate all too well to what you are saying. I don’t buy things, especially for myself, unless I can’t make do with what I have. My in-laws don’t get it, and they are constantly buying us “stuff they think we need”. We have recently been able to truly convince them (I think) that we have MORE than enough money for the things we need, we just choose not to run out and buy things on a whim.
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I thought I was the only person on earth who would wear jammies until they fall off me. LOL
Of course they aren’t exactly “romantic”. My DH says “isn’t it time to retire them?” My excuse is ‘who else sees them but me and you?’
Anyone have other family members who aren’t on the same page with budgeting? I desperately try to save in all areas of our expenses, but I tend to get sabotaged by kids and husband. How do you make the rest of the family understand that every penny counts?
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I too agree about being “frugal” is not being the same as “being poor”. We were a two income family, but recently we have both retired. Now our two incomes are Social Security, with a little pension money. Being at home 24/7 is new to me. I still want to work, but my body says “NO”. So I am retired. I have always been frugal, the story about the pj’s being very old hit home. I FINALLY threw away a pair that I know were at least 15 years old, talk about threadbare!. I did purchase 2 new pairs. Right now my internet service is a priority, I would rather have internet than new clothes. So now it’s a matter of priority, so being frugal around here is a matter of priority.
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