I loved this question I recently received from a reader. Since I believe this is a common concern, I decided to share my response with all of you. As our family enters our 13th year of homeschooling, you can bet I’ve learned a thing or twenty. Most importantly, I’ve learned that I have a lot to learn, that every kid is different, that family needs vary, and that I really should sweep behind my office door more often. (I just learned that one five minutes ago when I closed my office door. Apparently it usually stays open so I don’t notice the filth behind it. Gross, Laura. Find a broom already.)
Here’s part of the email I received:
I want to homeschool my children. But I do have one concern that I do not know how to shake. What do I do if my child feels left out by not going to school with the other children? My oldest is approaching 5 this year and I have 2 two year olds. I have made the commitment to my self to teach my children at home, but I can see my oldest wanting to be with the other children as they venture off to school together. I do not like the idea of my 5 year old being sent off for the day, away from home to be taught by some one else other than me. Have you ever faced this problem? Any advise to ease my mind and turn his attention more toward home than school?
I remember feeling this way!
These are some of the questions I bad back when my kids were little: What about first day of school clothes and pictures? What about lunchboxes and field trips? What about the school bus, bulletin boards, and shopping for school supplies? What about sports teams and choir and dramas and band? As all the other kids head off to school, how can I make homeschool feel special and exciting?
There are fun and wonderful opportunities that our public/private school friends enjoy that we do miss out on since we keep our kids at home for school. There’s no way around it. I am always hearing about neat activities and projects our public school friends are doing. I’m happy for them and rejoice with them. There’s no doubt those opportunities are rich, memorable, and really, really cool.
But there are also fun and wonderful opportunities that we, as homeschoolers, are able to enjoy because we are home together much of the day. Our family has been flexible during the daytime to visit fruit orchards, deliver special treats or meals others, sit down and get to know elderly friends from church, help with construction projects, help unload trucks for people who just moved to town, make an impromptu trip to visit our state capital, get together with other homeschoolers for special projects – well, the list goes on and on.
See, it’s not as if one set of opportunities is better than the other – it’s just that they are different. You have to choose what works best for your family, then create and embrace opportunities that bless your family and become blessings to others – no matter where your kids do their school work.
It can seem to your kids – or to you – that you’ll be missing out on all of that fun kids enjoy when they go to school. But I tell you what: If you choose to homeschool, you grab hold of any and all the fun traditions you want to. You hype it up to your kids. You make it a big deal, and pump it up, and I don’t think they will feel left out. In fact, in my experience, other kids have heard about what our boys are doing or have done and they start begging their mom to please homeschool them so they can do all the cool stuff we’re doing. (Which of course, all of our variety of “cool stuff” can be done whether you homeschool or not – those kids just didn’t initially realize that it worked that way.)
Here are our boys posing in their costumes after a play they
performed with our homeschool group several years ago.
Let your kids pick out a fun lunchbox. Use it for picnics, field trips, and other fun outings. Take first day of school pictures wearing special first day of school clothes. You’ll love having pictures like that to look at later! Plan a special first day of school breakfast. Make a list and go shopping for school supplies. We’ve done this for years and love this special outing.
The day the UPS man brings our box of new school books for the year
has been almost more exciting than Christmas. Almost.
Field trips? Sport events? P.E. class? Choirs? Bands? Dramas? Holiday parties? That is all available, trust me. You might have to work hard to make it happen, but there’s nothing you can’t do if you feel it will benefit your child and your homeschool experience.
It’s downright exciting, really. I mean, think of it. Your kids might even be able to hold snakes.
Or not. That was one field trip memory I can’t get over. Most of my boys wouldn’t touch ’em. Justus could have been there all day with his “new friends.” {shudder}
Whatever you choose, whether homeschool, public school, or private school – I encourage you to do so filled with God’s peace. Listen to His call for you, and without a doubt, He will provide just what you need.
I can’t tell you the blessing our homeschool basketball team has been to our entire family.
What a need this has met! What a rich experience it is to be a part of this.
Will there be hard days? Frustrating moments? Times of feeling left out? Certainly. I think we all feel those occasionally throughout our entire lives. There’s no such thing as a “be all and end all” – in school or in life. But we grab hold of that which God puts before us today, and we walk with Him.
Living life loving each opportunity? You betcha.
Homeschoolers, public schoolers, private schoolers: Share some of your favorite school year traditions!
Lana says
I home schooled my five children for 23 years. The only situation that was hard for my children was church unfortunately. It is important to make sure you are in a home school friendly church and not from the parents standpoint but from the children’s experience. Sometimes the other kids will decide that home school kids are different or stupid and not being taught and then they can really be ugly. I do not want to scare you but it is something to keep an eye out for and be observant as to whether your children have friends and are accepted for who they are. We really should have just pulled up stakes and left one church when our older two were teens and we did not and it makes me feel bad to think of what they went through. Other than church we never had a problem. Our children are all adults now and did very well going from home to college and into jobs after college.
Lois says
Interesting comment about church, Lana. Our experience was just the opposite. We only visited a “home school friendly” church and decided that their youth group was too cliquish. Sadly, home schoolers often are groupies with each other at church. We settled on a large traditional church where we are the only home school family. We love it, and have never felt out of place at all. In fact, with one in college living at home, and the other a junior, I don’t think any of their friends are home schooled.
Laura says
I’m thankful that our church family is a lovely mixture of wonderful public and home school families. They all mixed and mingled well, and while I was thankful for that before, your comments make me appreciate it even more!
Dawn says
Very well said!!!! We are going into our 9th year homeschooling. I think you eventually find your groove, find where you and your family fit in, once you do that and don’t feel like you have to follow everyone else (homeschoolers included) you just find what works for you. You will find, hopefully, that there are so many opportunities that you have to learn what to say no to!!
Anyway, One of our favorite things is being able to help at a local toy give-away at Christmas time. It actually goes on when kids are still in school so parents can come. Loaded with homeschoolers helping and we love it!! And it gives my kids new perspective on people who are really struggling.
Laura says
Oh my yes. There are SO many opportunities, it can be too much. It took me too long to realize we had to learn to say no to all the wonderful opportunities available. Finding our groove has brought a lot of peace. :)
Lynda West says
We started our first year of homeschooling this year with Kindergarten and I had some of the same concerns, but I made sure to make the first few days of school extra special. I also started a blog to document our adventure. We are finishing up our 3 week today and I will say it has gone well. Here is the post of the back to school traditions we started this year: http://trainupachildhomeschool.blogspot.com/2014/07/beginning-of-year-traditions.html There will probably be one or two added as our kids get older. :)
Laura says
Great idea to blog your adventures! So glad to hear your first weeks have been a success!
ms.p says
This is my first year where my daughter will be at home. Trying to find a balance between outside activity and school work
Laura says
It takes a little while to find your groove with when to say yes and when to say no to outside activities. You’ll get it though, with trial and error.
Erin says
I’ve been homeschooling 9 years and graduated my first this spring. She started college classes a couple of years ago for dual-credit. Out of my 5 homeschooled kids, none of them have ever said, “I wish I could go to school! ” and we live right next to a public school with a playground and recess all the time. Hard to be jealous when you’re rolling by headed for the traditional We’re Not Going to School Party. This year we are meeting in the park to make stepping stones. The temptation is to sign your kids up for anything and everything so that you can list all their activities to the “Concerned” relatives. Pretty soon, it’s no longer homeschool because you’re never home. I advise to deliberate on extra-curriculars and make sure they are of benefit. Even if all my children, only sign up for one, it can get overwhelming. Every year, I battle this. It’s helpful to think in the terms of family rather than activities for each child.
Laura says
We found ourselves in that boat a few years ago – never home to homeschool. We started saying “no” a little more often and find the peace that comes with that so refreshing.
karli says
What do you do when you get confronted by family for not sending your child to school? or what do you do when your 5 year old is confronted by older cousins telling her she isn’t really in school and that they have “way more fun” than she does?
I feel like I could easily combat the issues if they were from non-family, but I don’t feel able to with family-who are the last ones I would have expected it from!
Has anyone else had problems with family members and if so, how did you handle it?
Laura says
That is super tricky, especially when it comes from family. I believe the best response is to always be confident in what you are doing, and to always be graceful. Many a negative response comes from people who really just don’t know much about how homeschooling works. It may be tougher now since you’re just beginning, but after a few years of family seeing/hearing what you’re doing, they’ll likely not be so critical.
If you feel called by God to do this with your family, then smile and be confident, not apologetic. Enjoy your time together, and you’ll soon find that others will be more “okay” with your choice. And if they never come around to being supportive, you hang onto the truth that we are to focus on pleasing God, not people.
Julie says
I do not homeschool, but I really appreciate this post. No matter how your children are “schooled” — at home, at public school, at private school, at charter school, at super-expensive-exclusive-academy — they will have experiences unique to that option, and they will miss out on experiences available only at some other option. I do not believe education is a one-size-fits-all endeavor. The best option for one family, or one child, may not work for someone else.
Laura says
Yes! Every education experience is unique, even within the same classroom. Differences are what makes the world go round.
Anitra says
I love this post! We are starting our third year at a small Christian school with our oldest. Our beginning-of-year traditions are to take pictures on the first day, and I make fresh cookies for an after-school snack the first day – a special treat!
We love “our” school; the teachers know all the students because it is so small, and the involvement with parents is great. Last spring, my younger child (I was pregnant with #3) and I would often stay for the weekly “chapel” and then the kindergarten or pre-K teachers would invite him to come in and have snack and some playtime with their class. Because of the welcoming atmosphere, I predict that the first day of school will be happy for my oldest and sad for my middle, since he’s still not old enough for formal schooling until next year. I will be hyping up the “help me with your baby brother” aspect, I think.
Ali Stewart says
I love this post!! We will be starting our sixth year homeschooling in a couple of weeks and what a huge blessing and crazy journey it has been. I agree with everything Laura said in the post. Some have mentioned in the comments the overwhelming amount of opportunity. I can’t stress enough how true this is. I felt like I “climbed into the wardrobe and walked into the secret world of Narnia that I never new existed” before homeschooling. Saying “NO” is truly one of our biggest problems. I could have never imagined such a big community of homeschooling filled with more opportunities than I even want to know about! I ended up really burned out after our second year because I said yes to everything. Yes to three co-ops. Yes to seventeen field trips in one year, several of which were 5 freeways and over 100 miles away! Yes to park days and the like. I wanted to close the curtains, lock the door, and never leave our house again. The next year I said no a whole bunch and felt good about it. Give it time and your little one will no longer even notice the kids going to school because his/her school will be so much fun:)
Terri-Ann says
I always call myself the biggest supporter of homeschooling who isn’t actually doing it! We found a public French school that provided a combination of public, private and homeschooling benefits that fits our family perfectly. My children’s best friends are a family of homeschoolers. I get lots of great ideas from these friends, and then often incorporate them at home. We “homeschool” on weekends and after school and through the summer. While they learn the basics in a public school setting, I am committed to teaching them many other things also. I feel fine with missing a school day for an educational experience with the family. We do bible study in the evenings and geography at every meal (with the big map on the kitchen wall). I volunteer in the school doing choir, drumming and band so they can have music classes. I have found that you don’t have to set yourself down firmly in one camp or the other, and that education can be very fluid in many ways.
Jill says
Even if you opt to homeschool, investigate what else your local public school system has to offer. I work for a public school district. By law non-students can come to our schools for special-ed classes. We also have a Recreation program open to the public (6 month olds on up to senior citizens) where we offer classes in everything fun under the sun as well as athletic activities at a ridiculously low cost. It’s a great way for homeschoolers to interact with other kids, just not on traditional classroom subjects and to give an opportunity to participate in team sports.
I’m in Wisconsin with a little known law that allows high-school aged homeschoolers to attend up to two classes a year in a public school without actually being enrolled as a full time student. See if this is an option in your state – your child could enjoy a class or two in a traditional setting with their peers while still doing the bulk of their schooling at home. (Especially great for subject areas that mom and dad aren’t so good at).
Cindy says
My kids love NOT going back to school along with everyone else. Annual not back to school breakfast at Chick-Fil-A. The way you react will go a long way towards how the kids react. If you talk up the benefits, they will likely see them as well and not wish for what they don’t have.
Kristi Goldsberry says
Thanks for this post. Entering our second year of homeschooling (5 kids) and I have similar feelings that I just can’t shake!
Heather @ My Overflowing Cup says
One thing that has blessed our homeschooling family is finding other homeschoolers. We have created co-ops, designed ministry/community opportunities, taken group field trips, had photographers take school pictures, set up play days, beginning and end of school year parties… the list goes on and on. Sure, there are some opportunities my kids have missed out on by not going to public school, but there are also opportunities they have been blessed by because they are home. Like with most things in life, there are positives and negatives. Each family needs to choose what is most important to their family. Great post, Laura!
Jen says
We’re set to begin our second year of homeschooling this year, with my son in first grade. It was rough last year, and we went from homeschooling to unschooling after a few months. My son just didn’t do well with the approach I chose, which was a traditional workbook curriculum.
Honestly, if we lived in a decent school district, I would send him to public school. We don’t, and we refuse to send him there. This year we’re doing Time4Learning online, which he loves so far. I will supplement with a writing program, and some sports and classes at our local YMCA.
I know my mother, and a few other family members strongly feel he should be going to a school, but they are very kind in sharing their concerns with me. My sister, whose children started school in a horrible school district, and are now in a good district, is my supporter. She agrees that we shouldn’t “sacrifice” our son to a horrible school just to keep other people in the family happy.
I love Time4Learning because it generates reports, and makes tracking grades and progress really simple. I felt justified in our decision, when I could show my mom his grades so far, which are firmly in the “A” range for every subject in first grade. She worried that he was behind after being homeschooled for Kindergarten. He’s not, despite my imperfections in homeschooling him last year. :)
It’s funny, because our house is THE house on the block for the kids to congregate, and my son has many friends. He doesn’t lack in that area at all. I think it’s because my husband and I are parents who are present. I’m a SAHM, and my husband is out in the yard playing with our boys (one 3 1/2 year old too) almost every evening. As soon as they go out to play, many children on our street find their way to our house to join in. When they’re here during the day, in the summer or after they get out of school, they talk my ear off. :) I don’t think they get much adult interaction and attention.
I’m feeling MUCH better going into our second year. I think we’ve hit our groove, and found an approach that works for us. Best of luck to all of you with children in school, whatever the school may be. May we and our children all have a great year!
Abigayle says
I am 18 and just graduated from home school. Let me give a quick synopsis of those 12 years. When I was going into 2nd grade we moved from CA to IL. IL schools were about 6 months ahead of CA schools, so I lost everything they taught during those 6 months. My mom pulled me out of school when I was going into 4th grade. She quickly learned that I couldn’t do simple addition or subtraction let alone multiple digit multiplication, which is what they were teaching me. Mom took me back to 1st grade math and we started over. I have graduated with an average of B’s and I could not have done it without her! We had a LOT of tears in the beginning but we made it through it with smiles on our faces.
About socialization. I am an Introvert so no social interaction with other kids was more than ok with me. But mom would always take me and my brother out on “field trips” when we were younger and all we would do was go out to kids museum or out to lunch with our friends from church, we would go on nature walks and have to identify leaves, trees, ect. Or just simply go to the park that day.
I would say to join a 4H club if you have any around you so that you can have kids close to your kids’ age that they could do similar things with. That would get the interaction going and then your kids and 4H kids can do robotics, for instance, together and that would be a good “group” project. Also, 4H will spark interests and maybe they will go on to College and do something they thought was only going to be a hobby.
I hope this helps you! I know Me thoughts are a little all over the place.
Abigayle