Consult your Partner

~Appreciate Your Spouse~
~Buoyancy in Marriage~

Consult Your Partner

Surprise!!! – Matt’s Thoughts

In Matt’s head about 3pm – Phew, I can’t wait for a little me time tonight. Maybe I could get some guys together to play some games, maybe even soccer! If that doesn’t work out I can always play any multitude of computer games and just relax.

Matt begins making plans with other guys.

In Laura’s head about 3pm – Phew, I can’t wait for Matt to be able to help me with these restless boys so that I can get a few things done around here. I may even see if I can steal away for an hour or two by myself tonight while the boys are with Matt.  (I don’t claim to know a whole lot of what is going through her mind so I’ll let her go there.)

Laura has her own agenda in mind.

You can see where this is headed, right?

(Of course, all characters appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.)

I do have occasional game nights, but I consult my partner first.

In a business partnership before making a decision that would affect the company we would consult with our partners. More importantly, in a life-long committed partnership with our spouse we need to communicate before acting in many instances.  Decisions regarding the way we spend our time and money are maybe the most frequent. In healthy marriages spouses consult each other and align themselves on the same wavelength regarding these decisions. Fortunately, Laura and I discovered this early in our marriage. We talk often about how we plan to spend money and time so that we are on the same page and surprises have become rarer. We save surprises for special occasions.

Should I Buy this Watermelon? – Laura’s Thoughts

When to consult…when not to consult? I mean, do I need to consult Matt when I’m at the grocery store to be sure it’s okay with him if I buy the watermelon that’s on sale for $2.50? And I’m thinking that I may want to trim my fingernails tonight after dinner. I wonder if that’s okay with Matt?

(Above examples are as fictitious as the characters in Matt’s story. Except for the watermelon. I did buy a watermelon.)

I don’t need to consult Matt about every watermelon purchase I make or about every detail of my schedule. Know why? Because we’ve already consulted about our overall grocery budget and food preferences, as well as the roles we play. In this case, I am the chief watermelon picker-outer and purchaser. It’s important to be clear about the big stuff so that the little stuff isn’t quite so complicated.

“As far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.”  This verse from Romans is one our family works to live by. Respecting our partner enough to consult him/her about purchases or time commitments is one of the best ways to live at peace. Not only that, do I really want the pressure of making major decisions for our family without consulting Matt? I pretty much don’t.

Unless, of course, we’re talking about a watermelon.   

P.S. We believe that connecting with your spouse is super high on the list for a healthy marriage, and hopefully that theme will be evident as it is woven throughout the A to Z tips.

Ladies, we know you’re reading here more often than the guys. ;)  We’d love husbands to read this article as well. If you feel so inclined please send the link to your husbands, or if it’s easier, we’ve created a downloadable article for you to quickly print off and share. Healthy Marriage Tips A to Z – Consult


  1. McKinsey says

    My husband and I learned this early in our marriage too! We don’t sweat the small stuff, but the big stuff definitely gets some conversation. It has saved many an argument!


  2. Julie in Australia says

    Hi Laura and Matt
    I was at the gym with the sales people trying to press me to join up, following a tour of their facilities. When I said to the tour guide that I would need to consult with my husband before I signed up to something with considerable expense, she was dumbfounded. Her response was “Surely your husband wants you to be fit and healthy” and my reply was “yes, and we also want our marriage to be fit and healthy so when we make any significant decision, we do it in consultation with each other!”. Sure she was only in her early 20’s but nonetheless she was stunned.

    Julie in Australia


    Cindy Reply:

    I get shocked looks when I tells somebody I need to consult with my husband first also.


  3. Danielle B says

    We consult one another w/purchases over $100. Unless he knows I’m going shopping for food, clothes, shoes etc. I do consult him, when I have an opportunity to go out w/the ladies or a friend for whatever. So I can make sure he’ll be home to watch the children. I go to the gym before the house wakes, and the gym I joined is only $10/month no commitment!


  4. Lana says

    ummmmm….partner in my area of the country means not married or a gay couple——just saying :)


    Danielle B Reply:

    same here. Actually I would go as far to say it means gay couple.


    Lana Reply:

    also living together–we had neighbors who were long time live-ins not married and they called each other their partner


  5. Valerie Ringuette says

    So my husband and I differ on some buying things….such as home decor. My husband does not think curtains, pictures, etc are important. As a woman I feel the look of my home is important. My mom told me I should just go get what I need and not consult my husband but I felt that was wrong. She (and her friends) told me that was making a new wife mistake (we’ve been married 5 years). I’m not talking about thousands of dollars but maybe $100. Does anyone have thoughts on this? When your husband cannot be moved or swayed?


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