A few weeks ago, I got this email from Jessica:
My husband and I have been married for about 2 1/2 years. We had always planned to wait about 2 years to have babies, but as time has gone by I have felt less and less ready to be preggo. I feel like the world has SO many negative things to say about having kids… “Have all the fun now because once babies come life is over…” etc. I know that the Bible says that children are a blessing from God but honestly sometimes I look at my friends with babies and I think, “Honey, you don’t look blessed, you look haggard and tired”.
I know that since the Bible says that children are a blessing that it MUST be true… and I’m SO sick of hearing about all the negative things about babies that the world is constantly screaming about…. what can you tell me about the blessing of children? Do the blessings really outweigh the burdens, the sleepless nights, the vomit, the poopy diapers, the carrying of the diaper bag everywhere you go…???? Why are kids a blessing? HELP ME! I know that I want to be a mom, but I think that the only thing that freaks me out is the thought of taking care of a sick child. I know that stupid… but its a fear, for real.
Funny, isn’t it…how we moms can often talk out of both sides of our mouth? (I love picturing someone actually doing that. Talk about multi-tasking.)
We say, “Oh I LOVE my children and they are the best thing that’s ever happened to me and my life is so much richer because of them.” At the very same time, we complain about how many times they got us up at night and how much puke there is to clean up and how much money they cost us and how we never have any time to ourselves and how the laundry never ends and how they never eat the food we put in front of them because they’re so picky, or simply too busy putting the food up their noses instead.
So, which is it? Is having children a blessing, or is it a huge inconvenience? Is it delightful, or is it exhausting? Is it fantastic, or is it frustrating?
My answer to each of these questions is…yes, absolutely.
Having children? It’s hard. It’s exhausting. It’s frustrating. It’s a job that never, ever ends.
But while there are times you feel like throwing in the towel (or throwing the towel at one of them)…you love your children so much that deep down you really don’t even mind the puke and the poop and the fact that both have been finger painted onto the headboard of their bed.
In fact, you chuckle, take a picture of the art work to show at their wedding rehearsal someday…then start crying (and gagging) while you scrub it all up.
There are SO MANY THINGS about parenting that are difficult and I can easily describe every one of them to you.
But it is practically impossible to put into words what an incredible blessing they are. I don’t think there have been words invented to describe the emotions you feel when you’re rocking your snuggly little one and their hair smells so sweet you just can’t stop breathing it in and stroking it.
Or how amazing it feels to read a book together or laugh with each other over how he slipped and fell outside and got snow in his pants.
Or when he says “mama” for the first time. Or just got out of the tub and has on warm footy pajamas and crawls up into your lap for kisses. Or when your big kid comes up to you and gives you a back rub. Or when you hear your child pray.
There are no words to describe it.
Are children a blessing?
I’d be happy to tell you just how much of a blessing.
If only I had the words.
Abigail says
You put that beautifully! I completely concur with your answer!
Marsha says
I think children, more than any other relationship, teach us about God’s unconditional love for us. When I look at my children, imperfect though they are, the overwhelming feeling I have is love. No matter what. They did nothing to earn my love. I just love them. I’ve learned so much about God because of my children. That has been a HUGE blessing to me.
hi kooky says
Exactly! There are words for the complaints but there are no words to describe the blessing. It’s simply infinite.
Kristin says
I was just going to say the same thing about how having children teaches us how God truly loves us. Even though it is difficult being a mom, the love you feel for your child is like no other love. When they look at you with such love and admiration, it just melts my heart. It is so very worth it!
Angela says
That was perfectly said. Nothing better than a sweet, sleepy baby in your arms, especially after a long day of scrubbing up after them :)
Melissa says
Thank you for sharing this. I am a stay at home mom with 2 kiddos (18 mo. girl and a 1 mo. old boy) and have been feeling the mommy burn out. With our situation right now, my husband has just one day a week when he can help. With training our daughter and taking care of a newborn, I have been having a hard time believing that children are a blessing. Thank you for the reminder that God doesn’t lie and when He says they are a blessing, they are.
Juanita says
Absolutely! Somehow, and I have no idea how, all the hard, crazy, frustrating work is part of the amazing joy of children. There are days you feel as though you could drive off into the sunset without a backward glance. But then who would you talk to about the sun going to bed, and, “Who made the sun, Mom?” Children are such a blessing!
Michelle says
Well put!
shorty says
Just reading this post brings tears to my eyes! I love my boys and all the mess that they are! My youngest (3yo) has been so hard but in between all those hard times he says the cutest things, kisses my hand out of the blue, says he is sorry in the cutest voice, etc etc etc! I agree that there are no words for the feeling of love a Mom has for her kids. Never feeling this kind of love would be sad. You can not describe it. But I smile thinking about it. Thank you for this precious post:)
Shorty
Donna says
The ‘world’ is a selfish place, often. It puts ‘me’ first. It would like us to believe that we ‘deserve’ to have ‘freedom’- but true freedom only comes when we surrender ourselves, our lives, to Christ’s will. For me, that was being a mother.
Having children changed me, made me a better person, and showed me things that I could not have learned any other way.
Is it hard work- yeah! But I’ve never EVER had a better job!
The pay doesn’t come every week, not even annually- but it is eternal! My job and how I do it, will matter a million years from now in eternity and will still be reaping benefits, by the grace of God! I can’t think of a more important job!
And the blessings- unmeasurable!
Becky says
I have never left a comment before but I just wanted to let you know I’m sitting here with tears running down my face after reading this. Just finished my quiet time with the Lord, thinking about how once I wake the kiddos up the chaos will begin. But thanking the Lord for every moment of it, wouldn’t have it any other way. Thank you for reminding me of MY Blessings this morning.
Christy says
I would maybe compare it to marriage. Marriage is hard, but wonderful. Having children does strip you of selfishness and teaches you patience… but its God’s design! He blesses us with children and gives us grace to raise them.
Jennifer says
Having our daughter has blessed changed me. It’s made me take a good hard look at myself. In fact, there have been times when I’ve said something to her and then been astonished at the fact that that came out of my mouth. It’s humbling to say the least.
I just can’t get enough of my daughter most days. It’s fun to just be together. Sure, there are days when I need a break, but those are few and far between.
PJ says
I recently found your blog and love it!
Jessica, unfortunately, is not the only one who feels that way. And I believe it’s because they see and hear the selfishness that Moms feel they are entitled to. I see it all the time in my neighborhood…women complaining because their was a snow day and the kids will be home with them AGAIN. Or complaining because they have to cook dinner. Or complaining about all the laundry they have to do. The one that really upsets me is when they tell me they could never stay home with their children – it would drive them nuts! Their is no joy in motherhood. Just a bunch of burdens. So why then would someone want to have children?
Yes, motherhood is hard at times. But the joys…oh the joys. Watching my girls pretend to baptize each other in the tub. Cuddling on the couch together. Family game nights. Hearing them pray. Seeing firsthand how my “training” is actually sinking in. I wouldn’t trade a second. Their is no higher calling than being a mom. And that is the truth!
Thanks so much for this post!
Chelsey says
Having just had my first “blessing” less than a month ago, I think that I can already say that yes, children are a blessing. I hardly slept for the first week and I think I’m still trying to catch up from that, but there is nothing that brings me more joy than holding our little boy.
Geri says
Yeep! Children are everything….wonderful and exhausting all in one. They are a blessing though, through and through. The good things that they bring into our lives far outweigh any poop, puke, night time wakings, or sassy little mouths. They bring us back down off of our high horse. They easily humble us. Yes, babies do change everything….and i do mean everything. We said it wouldn’t change who we were, but our oldest is 5 and we are completely different than we were before she came along. it was a slow gradual change though.
If you are seeing nothing but negativity about the truth, the blessings that babies are, then i’m going to suggest you start looking at something different. Whether its a website, radio, friends even, a blog….whatever. You said you know that it must be true that babies are a blessing because its in the bible…..well I’m gonna say that if its true then all those other sources are lying. Be careful what you let your eyes see. :) this tip of course comes from experience.
Jennifer says
I am going to second this post.
It reminds me of a great children’s song:
“Be careful little eyes what you see.
Be careful little ears what you hear.
Be careful little feet where you go.
For your Father up above is looking down in love,
So be careful little eyes what you see.”
I often find my heart to be swayed by the opinions of the current friends I hang around- when I spend time with women who bash their husbands, I find myself unsatisfied with my own husband. When I spend time with women who love their husbands openly, I find myself loving my husband more. The same holds true with children. I would suggest for Jessica to find a friend or two who truly loves her children, not just with lip service, but with open joy and expressions of cheerfulness. I think it would be more important for her to witness it personally, than to hear about it… And if you cannot find anyone who fits that bill- call me! My two boys are the absolute joy of my life, and I cannot imagine going through one single day without the blessing of their company!
Jenn @ Beautiful Calling says
Oh, little ones change things for sure. I think the biggest thing that children changed was me!
I am so thankful every day that I was blessed to become a mother. And on *those* days, my attitude may stink (frustration, annoyance, short-tempered?) but I can tell you honestly, I am always thankful for them!
Pray about it, friend. Children really are from the Lord :)
sally says
Oh, Laura, you are so right.
And, Jessica — I had ALL of those feelings/thoughts. We waited for 8 1/2 years to have kids. I’m not sorry we waited that long, and I had heard things from my friends like, “you’ll feel differently when it’s your own kid”, “you’ll never believe how much you love them”…yada yada yada.
But, you know what??? They were TOTALLY RIGHT, and I’ve had to eat my words a hundred times. =) My son is such a joy (ha ha, I typed “job” first – which he is, too)…I look into his eyes (when he’s still for half a second), and I just marvel that God gave him to ME and my hubby to love, nurture, teach, protect, and ENJOY! Yes, we are tired at times, and I clean up poop and puke, and thousands of toys (the 22 month old JUST dumped a bucket of toys on the floor!), but we sing and play and dance and run and learn, and it’s just the best thing EVER!
Sara says
Attitude, attitude, ATTITUDE! I have found this to be a classic example of mind over matter. I was 22 when we had our daughter, and I heard all the negative things about it. It was SO disheartening! Why on earth would anyone want to have a baby if they’re THAT miserable? My husband and I made a conscious decision to have a good attitude about it. We didn’t need to focus on the negative things that might come, but rather the great things about it.
Now, I suppose we could just have wound up with an awesome baby, but it has been GREAT! Sure, we’ve had the less-than-desirable times, but I’m convinced that that decision we made 5 months before we had her made a huge difference in how things are now. She’s a fantastic baby, we rarely get stressed out of control, and the negatives are kept at a minimum.
:shrug: Worked for me. :)
Tracy says
I agree with the other comments so far…and I also wanted to point out that our culture does not love children (as a whole)…and if you listen to mainstream culture you are going to get an earful of the wrong stuff. In my own heart, I have found that what I listen to, what I read, tends to be how my heart responds to my kids. When I was reading funny blogs that talked about all of the challenges of parenting I came away feeling like my kids were bratty and unmanageable…and once I stopped all of that negative input and started reading people who worked at delighting in their children, it has done the same within me. It’s not all, but input does really make a difference.
Marla says
Absolutely agree 100%!! Input = Output. My kids love a song that says “garbage in, garbage out. what goes in is found out.” Whenever it comes on the radio, I use that moment to remind them that the things they put into their mind are the things they will beleive. If they read, watch, listen to good things, then that will show in their hearts and attitudes. If they are reading or watching negative things then that will show as well.
You really have to ditch all of the negative, “me” first, children are a pain type of stuff. Blogs are a great example. Some blogs I would recommend that are “kid” friendly (other than Laura’s of course) are :
thehappyhousewife.com
moneysavingmom.com
passionatehomemaking.com
I’m sure there are many, many more.
Marla says
Jessica-
Laura said it beautifully. Children can be a lot of work, but the benifits are so worth the effort. I think the world preaches a very selfish message, and we all buy into it at some point in our lives. Everything is “me” first. Christ tells us to die to self and to live for others. I think there is no better example of this playing out then with our children. There is no room for selfishness with children. They command all of our attention. But it’s the best journey you will ever take. From the moment you feel the first little kicks as you grow them in your womb you will be so in love there will be no words for it. You stated that the world tells you “Have all the fun now because once babies come life is over…”, but they are SO wrong. My husband never really wanted children, maybe the 2 kids the world told him to have. But now, 5 kids later, he couldn’t imagine not having them. They are so much FUN! There is no entertainment like children. They will make you laugh more and harder than you ever have. And we get to do so many things together, it is so much fun. Yes, it really can be hard work, more so when they are little. But the blessings are indescribable. God tells us to be in the world, but not of the world. As a follower, you just have to turn you back on the world and all of it’s selfish teachings. Otherwise they will constantly tell you you are missing something. But you aren’t, you will have every blessing right in front of you! And it will be well worth every sleepless night (which doesn’t last long), poopy diaper, and sick mess you clean. I don’t even remember those moments anymore. And my youngest is only 5. I would love to have a dozen. They are truly that much of a blessing.
Misc Jenn says
Absolutely!
I will say that my number one fear was my child throwing up because I have the worst (easiest?) gag-reflex ever. The first time she threw up (ON ME!) I just sort of shrugged, wiped her off, put her in the bath, stripped down and got in with her. It wasn’t until about thirty minutes later that my brain processed the entire thing. Turns out that my fears were for naught!
Becky C says
I agree with every word. Yes it’s a huge commitment, but isn’t that the point?? Isn’t the point of having children to put a little piece of yourself into future generations? To affect the world for Christ over the next century, and not just for your lifetime?? Wise men will tell you that if it’s worth having, it’s worth fighting for. Three little boys later, I couldn’t agree more with those words. Every day has something hard, and something wonderful. I think it’s just human nature to pass on the negative, to focus on what’s wrong, rather than what’s right.
Short answer: YES!!!!! It’s ABSOLUTELY worth every second!!!!!!!!!
Ami says
This was a sweet post, Laura!
I have three little children and I have learned so much about blessings through them.
Children are hard work, but God doesn’t call us to a life of leisure. The best things in life are the best because of hard work. In fact, work is a blessing from God, and Adam and Eve were put in the Garden to tend it.
We are sanctified through our children. I would never have spiritually matured this fast without having children.
Life is so much more fulfilling when you stop listening to the world.
Sandee says
AMEN, Laura!
I think it is part of Satan’s plan to make raising children and the traditional family roles seem unappealing. He doesn’t want us to experience the JOY that comes from having a family.
Sarah A. says
Well said, Laura! So much easier to quantify the negative. No words do the positive justice.
Melody says
Laura you are such a good writer! There are no words, but there are millions. I think this is where art/photography can convey things it takes us too long to articulate.
Yes, having children is trying. But I think it is more trying because it exposes our weaknesses. It’s very personal and made transparent at the same time. Weaknesses that if we do not address are highly likely to be passed on to our children. That is quite a responsibility, hence the necessity to have a relationship w/ Jesus and apply His Word. But if we take on this life long task, we grow in ways we could not have comprehended and we give to the world and back to God, something better than ourselves, the fruit of a God centered marriage and family. Malachi 2:15
When people talk negatively OR positively, we HAVE to remember that the results of what they are saying are based on THEM. There is no destiny of our family except the one that we carve for ourselves. Our children do not have to be tyrants, nor will they necessarily be all prodigy geniuses! I had to stop listening because my kids were not others’ and instead listen to the motherly instinct God gave me for MY children. And genetics also play a role, and God gives what is perfect for us!
I’m sad for the mothers who discourage motherhood, they speak from their own insecurities because we know that motherhood is a Godly, rich thing. Hold fast to the words of God, they are guaranteed.
I’m sure all great people looked tired and haggard during the things that made them great, but it doesn’t negate the fulfillment or growth gained.
What are the blessings? Gaining a deeper, more spiritual understanding of the world. Learning to truly give emotionally, which means receiving things that cannot fade. Being given a renewed youth! and enjoyment of simplicity. it never ends.
Jessica, you’re afraid of caring for a sick baby but sometimes those are the most precious moments. You are in it with them, they aren’t alone, that means so much! And when you finally get your little mumchkin settled and asleep, they lay wholly peaceful in your arms. You are their hero, but better, you’re their mom.
They don’t remember all the chastening, they will remember the truths though. They won’t remember all the “I love you’s” and good deeds, but they’ll KNOW the love.
it’s worth it!
Sabrina says
I’m a 24 year old young mom and a 2 year old and another on the way. Being a mom has been the most challenging and most rewarding thing I have ever done. But let me tell you I get so tired of hearing moms talking about how they cant go out because of their kids. Or they are stopping at one because one is already too much.
I love my daughter, and somedays are hard but most days I sit back and think, “Wow, my husband and I created her and she’s turning into such a sweet little girl!” And when she sings “Jesus loves Me” my heart melts!
Great Post!!
Staci says
Children help you grow up.
Just like Jesus said…”Lose your life and you will find it.”
I’ve got 5 kids and it is not all about me, that is for sure.
Love=sacrifice for others. That’s biblical love, not the learn-to-love-myself mentality of this culture.
Rochelle says
Thank you for the reminder about other people are looking at me as a mom. I’m sometimes the haggard old mom. Does Jessica go to my church??? :) They act up the worst there. I think it’s because Satan wants to take my mind off of the God’s message while trying to make church not enjoyable for the kids. So my point to Jessica is, plan ahead. I think everyone feels what you feel right now before having kids. Focus your attention on the youth that are going on mission trips and changing their world. Those news stories will be harder to find!
Stacey says
I completely agree that children are THE GREATEST BLESSING!!! We have 4 with our 5th on the way and we are downright poor. So many people have looked down on us because we choose to have more children. But you know what, God didn’t tell us to wait until we have X amount of dollars, or until my husband has “the” right job. No, He tells us to have children because they are a blessing and it blesses HIM! Through the times my husband has been unemployed, when we’ve been homeless and living with family or friends, when we can’t go buy food, do you know what makes it all worth it?? Our children. They keep us accountable to God to raise them up in Him and to remember some perspective. If we waited until we were at the “right place” in our lives, we still wouldn’t have one child! We would have missed out on the last 6+ years of blessings. And my husband and I can’t imagine our lives, hard as it may be sometimes, without one day without them. ALL OF THEM!!! The greatest blessing that we have had recently, besides finding out about our 5th on the way, is our oldest daughter just accepted Christ as her Saviour!!! There is no greater joy then to know that God entrusted us with these blessings so we can lead them to HIM!
Danielle says
Now I had to respectively disagree. I do believe all children should have the basic necessities met, food, clothing and shelter. I personally believe that if you can’t afford to give your children the basic necessities then yes, you shouldn’t keep on having children. Notice i said keep on having children. People fall on hard times and it happens, but I can’t imagine having 4 mouths looking at me hungry and not being able to feed them.
I’m thankful that both my husband I have GREAT stable, recession proof, jobs, and will never wonder if we’ll lose our jobs.
Stacey says
Danielle, I do agree to a point. When we started our family, my husband was still in school. Different things kept happening to us, but through them all God provided beyond all measure. During the time that is was unemployed the longest, we did take other measures to be wise with having children, if you get my drift. So we are being wise in what God has given us. My point was merely that we can’t measure what God calls us to do (again its a personal decision between you and your husband and God, no one else) against the world’s standards of what’s the right time for a family to be started. God doesn’t tell us to be foolish with his blessings, that includes “reckless” childbearing, in my humble opinion. I just wanted people to know that God does provide in miraculous ways, even when the world may see us as desolate. My husband and I would not ever trade those hard years for all the money and comforts in the world. We are stronger as a couple and our relationship is so much stronger with Christ. I hope that clarifies what I was trying to say. I know in my baby fog it doesn’t always come out what I mean. :)
Stacey says
Let me also add, my children have never gone hungry. God always provided in another way so that there has always been food on our table. And we have always had a place to live, whether with family or wonderful Christian friends that had opened their home to us. God tells us in Matthew to not worry about what we shall eat, drink, or be clothed with. He cares for us that much, and we have trusted Him in those regards. Granted, they may not be what we desire, but it is His plan and will for us.
Lois says
Laura, you said it so well. Jessica, we all hear you. Don’t listen to the world. The part I didn’t like about being pregnant was the comments from people. And frankly, the medical world didn’t help much. They do what they can to scare you into thinking something could/will go wrong. I had 2 uneventful (thank the Lord) pregnancies, in spite of being “advanced maternal age” (snort!) And the medical world seemed a bit miffed that they couldn’t do their fancy tests, procedures, or call out the specialists. I’m GLAD there are procedures and specialists, but it’s a $$$$ hungry field. And AFTER the babies were born, the comments like, “Enjoy them while they’re young,” or “Were you hoping for a boy/girl,” or “wait until they’re teen-agers!” Now I have teen agers. I have enjoyed them at every age. About homeschooling, it breaks my heart to have people say, “I could never spend all day with my kids….they drive me crazy.” How does that make your children feel? Or how many children you have, is another comment I hear directed toward mothers with more than 2 children. Oh my, we live in a fallen world that says debt is good, and children aren’t. My advice is, you’re not raising kids alone. The Lord provides them to you on loan, and it’s an awesome responsibility, and very humbling to think the Lord picked US out to be the parents of these particular children.
That’s enough out of me!
Jessica says
thanks gals! I really appreciate all your thoughts :-)
Morgan says
I have 2 beautiful girls, age 2 and 4, and we just found out that we will be having another baby! Like Laura said, it is hard to put into words how wonderful motherhood is. I love the way they smell after a bath, their sweet little sleepy faces, their sweet morning breath, the simple compliments (“you look pretty mommy”), the way they dance and sing, listening to them pray, watching them play nicely together, seeing them love their babies and care for them, hearing kind words come from their mouths, etc, etc. But what I love most is being able to see the world from their point of view. The beach is magical, bugs are fascinating, the moon is absolutely beautiful, the rain is a symphony, and learning new things is so much fun to them! I love the look on their faces when I mix paint and it makes a whole new color! WOW! Or when I am cooking and they watch all the ingredients combine to make something totally new and different! They find such pleasure in such simple things and I am so grateful that I get to watch them soak it in. It is truly a blessing straight from God.
Melanie says
Well, said, Laura. Having children made me see just how selfish I still was (and I thought I’d put away a lot of selfishness after getting married!!) And gave me a totally different view of God’s love for me; my parents’ love for me, etc. It’s also fun to experience the wonder of things through my children’s eyes.
We have 4 children and often get comments implying it’s too many, etc, so I was encouraged to come across this article: “10 Good Reasons for having Another Child.” http://mommylife.net/archives/2010/02/10_good_reasons.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+MommyLife+%28Mommy+Life%29
Pamela says
I am a fairly new mom — one daughter 14 months old — and I would describe having children as “the best of times, and the worst of times”! It has been so much more work than I ever imagined, but it has also been so much more FUN and rewarding than I ever though possible.
Becky says
I love this post. Do you mind if I mention it in my next post and add a link to it?
Laura says
Yes, please do!
Laura says
Um, that would be no I don’t mind…please do. :)
Janeen-Triplet Mom says
Jessica, bless your heart! I understand what you’re thinking, because I thought similar things. My husband and I waited 7yrs til we had children. One of my biggest fears was, once you were a parent, you would always be a parent. There was no turning back! So when my husband and I finally decided, OK, we’re going to do this; lo and behold, God blessed us with triplet girls! Has it been a blessing? Absolutely! YES! You bet! Has it been scary, frustrating, chaotic, loud, crazy and the most challenging thing we have ever done? Absolutely, yes, you’d better believe it! You know, God never promised it would be easy, but He did promise He would never leave us or forsake us! I have received much peace and wisdom from Him on days that I felt so overwhlemed and discouraged. Your fears are valid, so ask God for peace and comfort as you and your husband make the decision whether to have or not have children. Laura and so many of these ladies spoke so well of the amazing love you feel for your child. Please be encouraged by their words! Surround yourself with people who will encourage you in your decisions and who will speak biblical truth when you are overwhelmed by what the world says. May God richly bless you as you seek Him in this all-important decision!
Jessica says
Seriously, thanks for all the encouragment. Its really hard when the world and even girls from my own Bible study group are so negative about children. None of the gals have babies yet, but they just have such horrible attitudes about having babies that it really is hard for me to even TRY and have a good attitude about babies around them, ya know? They are awesome gals and I love them to pieces, but when it comes to kids they are not so encouraging because they are really listening to what the world says about kids. Really, I think that my thoughts and struggles about having a baby are all rooted in a lack of faith/trust in God. God does know the desires of my heart… He knows that I want to be a Mom someday and that I want to have a godly attitude about it… I’m trusting that He will provide whatever I need, when I need it. If I need peace- he will give it, etc. Thanks again for all the things you guys have written. It is SO refreshing to hear mothers sound like they actually enjoy their ‘job’ of being a mom. I get so stinkin’ tired of hearing all the negative things about being a mom… but you guys have given me a little hope.
thanks,
jess
Kelly Smith says
I think if we moms start speaking up against the negativity of kids then those moms will take a second look and realize just what they have. i stayed home for 2 years with my little girl then had to go to work and put my brand new baby boy in daycare, which was just heart wrenching. last july we were in a position for me to quit work and stay home once again with our dear children and start homeschooling our daughter who is in 1st grade and our little boy is almost 4 now. i love it and love spending every waking hour with our kids. yes, there are those times when they don’t mind and you want to pull your hair out but don’t you think God sometimes thinks the same of us…we don’t always follow God’s instructions yet He’s still forgiving and patient and ever loving. Perhaps all those negative parents need more God and less world. Children are what you make them. It’s so great to hear all the positive comments on here. When we decided to homeschool we got the “i don’t know how you could do that”, “why do you want to do that” and it just frustrated me so. Why wouldn’t you want to teach your kids and watch them learn. I’m so thankful for the opportunity to stay home with our kids and watch them grow, learn, play, laugh, fuss and fight!!!
Melodya says
Jessica, when it’s your time to have a child, enjoy it and share that joy with your friends. You may be the testimony that clears their perception.
Shelly says
This post absolutely made me cry. My girls are now 6yrs and 3.5yrs – not babies anymore, and I miss so much about that “baby time!” BUT….with each new stage comes new and exciting treasured times. Having children IS stressfull and expensive and busy and tiring and and and and… but in all of that – you won’t find one mommy who would trade any of that for a life without children. Not a single one.
When I was pregnant with my first- everyone told me that I would love her beyond measure. I thought I understood that. I thought I was prepared. When she arrived – the love I felt for her was SO much more than I had ever experienced. My heart was NOT prepared. It is an amazing bond -immediately.
All of this goes back to what Laura said – you just cannot put it into words. There is nothing any of us can say to Jessica to make her understand what a gift and blessing motherhood is. It is hard at times, but nothing worth having is easy. God never promised us that any of this would be easy, but how wonderful for Him to trust us with these amazing gifts of life.
SarahMay says
Start Your Family: Inspiration for Having Babies by Steve and Candice Watters is an excellent book; it addresses things realistically and gives Biblical answers:. Definitely recommended!!
Terri-Ann says
It’s also important to take time for yourself. Just because you are now “mom”, doesn’t mean you stop being you. My husband has been really good about letting me have one night a week for an activity that’s all for myself. (I used to play on a volleyball team, and when I’m pregnant I play in the community band instead). People are amazed that even when my babies are so young I get out. Once I feel well enough postpartum (for me, about one month after giving birth) I hop right back into an activity. I am reassured that baby is safe with Dad (or Grandma), and can make it an hour or two without me. It can be really hard to leave a newborn, but this “me time” can be so important to recovery and maintenance of sanity!
I cherish my three boys and love spending time with me, cuddling and teaching and having fun. They are a blessing and a joy, make me crazy and make me laugh. God’s followers have always been on the outside of society…you have to stand firm in the path God has for you.
Janet says
I have loved reading all that you ladies have written! I have six children, ages 13-27, and I couldn’t agree more that children are gifts from the Lord. There are some issues, though, that I feel need to be brought up in order to be honest about this. When you talk about having a sweet baby, you’re also talking about having a 2-yr-old, a 10-yr-old, a teenager for seven years, a 20-something who makes decisions you may not agree with, and a person to have relationship with for (hopefully) the rest of your life! I feel that there are some basic things that our culture has missed that make parenting so much more trying: 1) not understanding that from day one we train our babies. A mom who allows a teething baby to bite the breast will not be nursing for much longer. A mom who does not help her baby learn to fall asleep on his own will be indispensible to him at any time of the day or night for 3-4 years. If she chooses to do this, that’s fine, but most moms fall into it by accident and then complain that they have no freedom and never sleep. 2) giving our children too much, and doing things for them instead of teaching them to take responsibility for themselves. We sign them up for so many sports and lessons that we’re never together as a family, and then wonder why they aren’t invested in the family as teens. 3) giving too much freedom when children are little. This causes children to be wise in their own eyes, to know that they don’t have to listen to mom and dad because when mom and dad are really serious they’ll start yelling. But by the time the child is a teen, he has gotten used to the yelling and he doesn’t care anymore, and he has the potential for much bigger trouble, which causes mom and dad to pull the reins in like they should have when he was 18 months old. It doesn’t work! 4) not understanding the importance of treating our children with respect and continually developing relationship with each child as they grow. Parents get busy, and exasperated, and don’t realize that if they treated any other person on the earth this way that person would pull away and avoid us, too.
This is what these negative moms are seeing and experiencing! Whiny, rebellious children are not a blessing to those around them, least of all their parents. God gives us the gift of our children, but to realize the incredible, eternal blessings of our children, I believe we must raise them counter-culturally. That sweet scent of fresh-washed baby hair can become the sweet scent of a 10-yr-old who does the dishes without being asked, of a 17-yr-old who asks, “Can I help you with anything, Mom, before I leave for youth group?”, of a 19-yr-old whose diligence has resulted in college scholarships that lighten the family’s financial load. Then you can be REALLY counter-cultural and tell all those around you how much you LOVE having not just babies, but teens!
Shelly says
AMEN! You hit every possible point beautifully! I admire your ability to do that with your children and also the ability to put it into words. I am attempting to do these things and find nothing but utter inspiration in this blog and words of wonderful readers like you.
Thank you for sharing this!
God bless-
Shelly
Jennifer says
Wow. A fantastic point that I hadn’t even thought about!
You are so right!
I have made it a VERY specific point to train my boys from day one, and now I have trained up a boy (not yet 2), who will do the dishes with me, scrub the floor, put away his toys, pick up and put away dirty laundry and trash from the floor, replace his baby brother’s pacifier with a sweet kiss, and do it all with a giggle and a smile! I love training them, and I love the results from training them!
I have been around many kids who were, to be honest, NOT fun to be around, and a burden to their parents. I believe that those parents are probably some of the ones who are giving out such strong negativity.
I am praying that my diligence with the boys while they are young will yield fruit as sweet as your teenagers have given you!
Truly, your children have “raised up and called you blessed.” great job!
Mary-Carolyn says
This is a fabulous post Laura, and one I especially identify with, as my husband and I have been married 2 1/2 years and are expecting our first child. I KNOW there will be a lot of work, a lot of lost sleep, but when I think of holding our sweet boy for the first time, or getting him up in the mornings and seeing him smile (I hope), it outweighs all of my current fears and worries. In my pre-child mind, some of the greatest blessings seem to be seeing your child’s personality develop and seeing different family members in their various traits, and the more constant and necessary reliance on God. Yes, I lean on God now, but the times when I feel truly spent are few and far between now. Come June, I know I will need Him to get through each day emotionally, physically, and sometimes financially. Its a scary thought sometimes, but one I know will be so worth it — I am excited to see God bless me as I learn more about Him as my Savior AND Sustainer.
April says
Thank you for such a heart warming post.
Hope says
There is fantastic worth and value in becoming a mom who trains up godly children. Our culture does not recognize or emphasize this, but according to scripture it is true. And according to the experience of all the mom’s who have posted, it is true. I have often said that I wish I had had training on how to be a good mom. I was raised as an only child and at least in the churches I was exposed to, there was not training in this area. The scripture says that older women should teach younger women. I find that blogs like this one are very helpful — I’m not saying you are old Laura by any stretch of the imagination :) — in teaching about the practical day to day of life. I would encourage anyone who doesn’t have kids yet, to become more educated about parenting. Do some studying, read books by people you respect, search the scriptures, determine what kind of parent you want to be and pray that the Lord will prepare you. (Then when you have kids you will jump into real on-the-job training!) We spend years preparing for jobs we do everyday that may or may not have eternal impact. Raising kids is a job worth preparing for and it is an honor as well! And know that valuing your worth as a mom is going to rub against the norm – against the culture – even perhaps against the image of a successful woman – but that is ok!
Keli says
I couldn’t have put it better. Being a mother is the BEST and the most rewarding job EVER. I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world.
Mary says
I’m surprised with this many comments nobody has mentioned infertility yet. As a couple with both male and female infertility we have to go through IVF to conceive. We have been blessed so far with 1 amazing little girl. And we pray God will bless us with more children. I do not take a single day with my daughter for granted. She is the absolute best thing that has ever happened to me. She teaches me so much every day about God’s unconditional love for me. If I can love her as much as I do, imagine how much more God loves me. It’s unreal. I have such a hard time when anyone talks negatively about their children. Sure things are challenging sometimes. But who cares. Children are a blessing that can’t even be explained. We have to spend thousands of dollars, go through many procedures, medications, injections, etc. to have children. And I’d do it every single day if I had to just to have my little angel. Children are a blessing and a true miracle.
Holly says
Jessica, I agree with Laura – children are an incredible blessing AND a lot of work. Remember that God has promised that He will never burden His children with more than they can handle. Be confident knowing that God will equip you with the grace to handle any situation *if* you allow Him to. Don’t think you have to do this on your own – you can’t. But God will give you HIS strength to handle the things you most fear.
To me, motherhood is what you make it. (as anther poster said, attitude attitude attitude!) I can choose to complain about my toddler waking at 2am and refusing to sleep again, I can blame the car alarm going off in the parking lot, I can spend three hours unhappy, with a screaming child. OR I can choose to thank God for giving me the opportunity to correct my internal clock (which has been really messed up) and get a jump start on my tasks today, so that I can run errands later. In the past I’ve chosen the former route, and spent all day unhappy and complaining. Today I chose the latter, and I love how much I have accomplished in just 6 hours! My husband will be so pleased when he comes home to a clean home and a happy wife.
Jody says
Definitely a blessing….and also a little frustrating!!! We were married five years before we had children….both of them adopted from Russia. We really wanted children about a year after we were married, but God saw fit to bless us with infertility. What a blessing our children are!!! A few nights ago I literally had only two hours of interrupted sleep due to our youngest…age 3…throwing up all night. At that point, you don’t consider the fact of the inconvenience…you just pray that your child soon feels better, as he is miserable. The next day, when you are exhausted and yet still have to be the ever-cheerful mom is when the blessing of children seems a little vague, but truly, they are still a blessing. Really. What a great time to teach them about Jesus through actions…when all they want to do is sit on Mommy’s lap!! Oh yes. Children are a true blessing….
Taryn says
Infertility is not of God, but it’s a curse from the fall of Adam and Eve. God does not put sickness and disease upon people.
Jody says
I can agree with your comment. However, in our case, it has truly been a blessing. We know that we likely would not have adopted had we been able to have children biologically. We truly would have missed out on the blessing of our two children. I have definitely had my moments of wondering why God would say “be fruitful and multiply” and then there are some of us who don’t have that option. Makes no sense. However, once I got beyond that, I have decided to view the infertility as a blessing. It has opened our eyes to the orphans here around us and around the world. Our hearts have changed.
Lynsay says
I got to this post from a link my cousin posted, not to this comment
but to the post. This comment however made the tears come, and I felt
compelled to post.
Throughout the Bible there are examples of God closing the womb of great
women, indeed God says that He will make the barren woman a “joyful mother
of children!” How can this be if it is a curse?
For now the Lord has closed my womb, I am not infertile. Medical procedures
could allow me to conceive, but I choose to allow God to have control over
whether I have a child or not. Being “barren” is something I will ALWAYS
be thankful for. God has indeed made me a “joyful mother of children”
and lots of them! Adoption was not the second choice, it was our first
choice before ever knowing I was “barren.”
There has not been one moment where I have felt infertility was a curse,
not one, but it has changed my life too, because just as the Lord said to
go forth and multiply, He also commanded we care for orphans…and we do so
with JOY!
Jenn Mc says
Completely agree. Woke up three times to puke last night and stayed up aboutn 1.5 hrs total. Today, could care less and only want to make sure he’s OK. I think this also falls under people who complain about their husbands but love being married. One of those weird things.
Candace says
I read this to my husband last night. He said that you answered that question perfectly! Where as I got a little teary-eyed just thinking about my daughter (who had already gone to bed) snuggling me and the feeling of her hair on my cheek (I wanted to hold her right then).
I’ve decided that this is why God has mad women so much more emotional than men, because we connect with our children in such a way that we can’t resist when they’re doing raspberries with a mouth full of sweet potatoes. When they wake up in the middle of the night and decide to talk to us for 2 hours, we endure the tiredness the next day and remember how cute it was that she kept looking at us to say something (I like to believe it’s that she loves me :D ). Yes, I’m one of those sappy movie watchers that cries at almost everything…and I thank God for my emotional nature; for without it, I might not be so loving.
Candace says
by mad…I mean made, whoopsie!!
Danielle says
I can’t believe I didn’t comment yesterday! I interjected, but didn’t leave my own 2 sense.
I wouldn’t let the bad comments about parenting dissuade you or prolong the period of not having children. Of course parenting isn’t always easy, there will be days you are so tired all you want to do is sleep! But you get up anyways. the good things in parenting FARRRRRRRR outways the bad.
We didn’t marry until later in life, so we didn’t have much time before we wanted to start a family.
I think your feelings are normal… share them w/your hubby. Since you are still young yet, you can wait as long as you want. But I do know that when you start having your family, you will think it’s was funny to fret over these feelings that you have now, which like I said are perfectly normal.
blair says
i agree with danielle.. the good outweighs the bad by far. I had my children young (21 & 22) because I didnt want to know what I was “missing”.. if that makes sense. I didnt want to have alot of friends who didnt have children. I didnt want to know what it was like to have years of alone time with my husband. I wanted to have children early, so that i would know what a blessing they are, and not always think “man i miss going out with friends whenever i wanted” or whatever the case is. and i would not change it for the world. By the time my husband and I get to spend LOTS of time together, we will have been married along time. and I am glad, because we will have more in common. For now, we are spending time with our children, eating dinner as a family, watching cartoon movies, going to the park. and we are having a blast. I love my Lord, and I love the way he has blessed my life, because really, whether you “plan” to have children or not to have children, God will ultimately decide when you are ready. God bless!
Jennifer says
Thank you, Laura! I actually have tears in my eyes as I finish this. I SO needed this today. As many difficulties as there are, the blessings far outweigh them!
Jennifer says
That little catch in your breath that happens at the most unusual moments, that totally full-of-love feeling that is nothing like you’ve ever experienced before… that is what makes all of the frustrations and the exhaustion worth while. Problem is, those feelings are so hard to put into words… and our complaints aren’t.
blair says
so so so true! You cant begin to describe the way you feel about your child. I had to have 2 csections with my boys. the moment i saw them, it was amazing! Its beyond words. You cry when you arent really sad, because smiles and laughter dont seem to fit, either.. its so beautiful. im thankful to God everyday.
Andrea says
Jessica, I agree that your feelings are perfectly normal and probably just mean that you are a planner and thinker and honest with yourself. You KNOW that you are inherently selfish (we ALL are) and you KNOW that parenting will be a lot of hard work, some of it not so fun. I remember thinking when I was pregnant that I was volunteering to give power to utterly break my heart over to a little person I hadn’t even met yet. It doesn’t matter WHAT happens, my daughter holds my heartstrings. It’s scary. I wondered about my relationship with my husband and on and on (I did the same thing before getting married too). I prayed A LOT about it all.
Wow, God has blessed me. Wow. One year of motherhood, and I am so blessed. My husband is totally on board with parenthood, is completely wrapped up in his love and care for our daughter, and supports me in every direction. My daughter is a precious little angel who adores her mama. I thought I would miss my freedom, my time, my ability to keep a room clean for five minutes. And every once in a while I do, but more often I find myself marveling at this little person who grows and changes every day.
Oh, and every time I think, I will miss this stage so much when she leaves it, I am always amazed that the next is even MORE fun and more amazing, so I think I will enjoy each new stage of my children’s life until I have grandchildren. :)
I feel more content and right than I have ever felt in my life. It is such a wonderful thing to be the teacher and nurturer of a little person. I love pulling her in my lap and singing songs with her about Jesus. I know I am not perfect. I get tired. I do things wrong. I make mistakes and I hate that she will learn those things from me, but this is also drawing me closer to God and his wisdom and power than ever.
I had a woman come up to me and tell me that she (in her 50s) regrets that she and her husband never took the time to have and raise children. Now they have no family and are growing older and alone. I know some people struggle with infertillity, and I ache for them, but I think people who are childless by choice are really missing out on one of God’s richest blessings in SO many ways!
Ah, I always have too many words. :) I would say, though, that you need to find some mother friends who rejoice in motherhood. I am very blessed to be honored and encouraged by the women around me. Anyway, God blesss you. I hope your journey to motherhood is smooth and blessed.
blair says
perfect!
Rachel says
My baby is only 13 months old, so I really don’t have a lot of experience under my belt. BUT, on the more “me-oriented” side of things, I have to say I never really felt like an adult, like a woman, until I was pregnant, and that feeling increased a hundred fold when I gave birth. And now, I finally feel like my life has purpose, like my sucking down oxygen every day is worth while. My baby gave me my life.
Brenda says
You know what bugs me about people? When they want their life nice, tidy and easy.
Without turmoil, there is no appreciation. Without sacrifice, there is no reward. Without frustration, there is no happiness. We can’t have one without the other.
Children are a blessing, because they teach us what we would possibly never learned. We have five children and I think that we must have needed a huge dose of learning how to be unselfish. I wouldn’t trade any of them in for a tidy, perfect life.
'Becca says
So many wise things have been said here!
Jessica, when you were a little girl nearing puberty, did you ever look at older girls and wonder how they could stand to go through all that? Did you think maybe you’d rather be a child forever? I’ve known some girls who felt that way, and although I myself was eager to become a woman, I did sometimes wonder how I would handle all the responsibilities and inconveniences. I would hear older girls or women complaining about bras, menstruation, attention from men, or birth control, and think, “Uh-oh, what if being a woman really is that bad?!” So I did lots and lots of reading about it, so that I felt prepared for every step of the journey. Of course there were still some surprises, but for the most part it really helped me feel like I knew what I was doing.
That was my approach to motherhood, too, and again it helped a lot. Also, it was important to change my prayers from, “Please let me get pregnant right now!!” to, “God, I know you will give us a child at the right time.” When I started to think of pregnancy as something like menstruation that would happen to me when the time came, instead of something I could choose on a whim, it seemed much more natural and easy to accept. That was crucial for managing the nausea and other less-pleasant aspects.
About coping with a sick child: Most babies spit up pretty often when they are little, and although that’s annoying, it’s not “real vomit” especially if they’re breastfed; it’s just milk and not so gross. Similarly, newborns’ poop is not as gross as older people’s. So you have time to get used to cleaning up after your baby when it’s not so bad, and then as your child gets older, even if the smell is making you gag you’re now used to the idea of handling that stuff! My uncle told me this before I became a mom, and I was skeptical, but it really has worked!
April Driggers says
I love all of this discussion. Motherhood: a blessing and a curse. It’s a job that you won’t see the fruits of your labors until they’re in their 20s or maybe even their 30s. It’s thankless and wonderful… and tiring and inspiring. It’s the epitome of hope to make the world a better place.
BUT… on those days … like I had this morning… I just say to myself, “Now I know why some species eat their young.”
Megan says
As a new mom of a 10 week old I understand the “tired and haggard look”! However, can I just tell you that it’s different when it’s your own baby. You watch our friends baby smear food on her face and think, GROSS! Well, when it’s your baby you’ll think it’s so cute. Weird, I know! You’re afraid of sleepless nights but everytime I would pick her up after another 1-2 hours of sleep she would look so sweet and I wouldn’t care too much about another midnight nursing session. It’s a chance to snuggle! When it’s your baby you’ll look haggard and tired and you’ll realize it’s not that you didn’t have time to put on make-up (sometimes) it’s that you spent all afternoon staring at baby’s sweet little face and watching her every little expression while she slept that you didn’t have time to freshen up! It’s just different when it’s YOUR baby!
Christine (iDreamofClean) says
I just love how you put that. It’s perfect. I just had my first baby after several years of marriage. It’s so much fun though and am loving every minute of it…even getting up in the middle of the night!
Jennifer says
Parenting is hard. If I had known how hard it was I might have rethought having kids, at least this many. And they get harder as they get older. BUT it is worth it. It gives my life a purpose and is rewarding and fun. Hard, inconvenient, frustrating, etc – but also worth it.
Brandy says
Ahhhh!!!!! Why haven’t I read this before? Beautifully said, Laura!!! :)
Laura says
Thank you so much for reminding me of this post! I’m a little embarassed to say that I forgot I wrote it. I’m getting ready to re-post some “old favorites” and this one may have to be one of the re-posted I choose. :)