Children…a Blessing?
ByA few weeks ago, I got this email from Jessica:
My husband and I have been married for about 2 1/2 years. We had always planned to wait about 2 years to have babies, but as time has gone by I have felt less and less ready to be preggo. I feel like the world has SO many negative things to say about having kids… “Have all the fun now because once babies come life is over…” etc. I know that the Bible says that children are a blessing from God but honestly sometimes I look at my friends with babies and I think, “Honey, you don’t look blessed, you look haggard and tired”.
I know that since the Bible says that children are a blessing that it MUST be true… and I’m SO sick of hearing about all the negative things about babies that the world is constantly screaming about…. what can you tell me about the blessing of children? Do the blessings really outweigh the burdens, the sleepless nights, the vomit, the poopy diapers, the carrying of the diaper bag everywhere you go…???? Why are kids a blessing? HELP ME! I know that I want to be a mom, but I think that the only thing that freaks me out is the thought of taking care of a sick child. I know that stupid… but its a fear, for real.
Funny, isn’t it…how we moms can often talk out of both sides of our mouth? (I love picturing someone actually doing that. Talk about multi-tasking.)
We say, “Oh I LOVE my children and they are the best thing that’s ever happened to me and my life is so much richer because of them.” At the very same time, we complain about how many times they got us up at night and how much puke there is to clean up and how much money they cost us and how we never have any time to ourselves and how the laundry never ends and how they never eat the food we put in front of them because they’re so picky, or simply too busy putting the food up their noses instead.
So, which is it? Is having children a blessing, or is it a huge inconvenience? Is it delightful, or is it exhausting? Is it fantastic, or is it frustrating?
My answer to each of these questions is…yes, absolutely.
Having children? It’s hard. It’s exhausting. It’s frustrating. It’s a job that never, ever ends.
But while there are times you feel like throwing in the towel (or throwing the towel at one of them)…you love your children so much that deep down you really don’t even mind the puke and the poop and the fact that both have been finger painted onto the headboard of their bed.
In fact, you chuckle, take a picture of the art work to show at their wedding rehearsal someday…then start crying (and gagging) while you scrub it all up.
There are SO MANY THINGS about parenting that are difficult and I can easily describe every one of them to you.
But it is practically impossible to put into words what an incredible blessing they are. I don’t think there have been words invented to describe the emotions you feel when you’re rocking your snuggly little one and their hair smells so sweet you just can’t stop breathing it in and stroking it.
Or how amazing it feels to read a book together or laugh with each other over how he slipped and fell outside and got snow in his pants.
Or when he says “mama” for the first time. Or just got out of the tub and has on warm footy pajamas and crawls up into your lap for kisses. Or when your big kid comes up to you and gives you a back rub. Or when you hear your child pray.
There are no words to describe it.
Are children a blessing?
I’d be happy to tell you just how much of a blessing.
If only I had the words.
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This post is linked to Works for me Wednesday.
Jessica, I agree with Laura – children are an incredible blessing AND a lot of work. Remember that God has promised that He will never burden His children with more than they can handle. Be confident knowing that God will equip you with the grace to handle any situation *if* you allow Him to. Don’t think you have to do this on your own – you can’t. But God will give you HIS strength to handle the things you most fear.
To me, motherhood is what you make it. (as anther poster said, attitude attitude attitude!) I can choose to complain about my toddler waking at 2am and refusing to sleep again, I can blame the car alarm going off in the parking lot, I can spend three hours unhappy, with a screaming child. OR I can choose to thank God for giving me the opportunity to correct my internal clock (which has been really messed up) and get a jump start on my tasks today, so that I can run errands later. In the past I’ve chosen the former route, and spent all day unhappy and complaining. Today I chose the latter, and I love how much I have accomplished in just 6 hours! My husband will be so pleased when he comes home to a clean home and a happy wife.
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Definitely a blessing….and also a little frustrating!!! We were married five years before we had children….both of them adopted from Russia. We really wanted children about a year after we were married, but God saw fit to bless us with infertility. What a blessing our children are!!! A few nights ago I literally had only two hours of interrupted sleep due to our youngest…age 3…throwing up all night. At that point, you don’t consider the fact of the inconvenience…you just pray that your child soon feels better, as he is miserable. The next day, when you are exhausted and yet still have to be the ever-cheerful mom is when the blessing of children seems a little vague, but truly, they are still a blessing. Really. What a great time to teach them about Jesus through actions…when all they want to do is sit on Mommy’s lap!! Oh yes. Children are a true blessing….
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Taryn Reply:
February 23rd, 2010 at 8:42 am
Infertility is not of God, but it’s a curse from the fall of Adam and Eve. God does not put sickness and disease upon people.
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Jody Reply:
February 23rd, 2010 at 8:50 am
I can agree with your comment. However, in our case, it has truly been a blessing. We know that we likely would not have adopted had we been able to have children biologically. We truly would have missed out on the blessing of our two children. I have definitely had my moments of wondering why God would say “be fruitful and multiply” and then there are some of us who don’t have that option. Makes no sense. However, once I got beyond that, I have decided to view the infertility as a blessing. It has opened our eyes to the orphans here around us and around the world. Our hearts have changed.
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Lynsay Reply:
February 23rd, 2010 at 5:19 pm
I got to this post from a link my cousin posted, not to this comment
but to the post. This comment however made the tears come, and I felt
compelled to post.
Throughout the Bible there are examples of God closing the womb of great
women, indeed God says that He will make the barren woman a “joyful mother
of children!” How can this be if it is a curse?
For now the Lord has closed my womb, I am not infertile. Medical procedures
could allow me to conceive, but I choose to allow God to have control over
whether I have a child or not. Being “barren” is something I will ALWAYS
be thankful for. God has indeed made me a “joyful mother of children”
and lots of them! Adoption was not the second choice, it was our first
choice before ever knowing I was “barren.”
There has not been one moment where I have felt infertility was a curse,
not one, but it has changed my life too, because just as the Lord said to
go forth and multiply, He also commanded we care for orphans…and we do so
with JOY!
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Completely agree. Woke up three times to puke last night and stayed up aboutn 1.5 hrs total. Today, could care less and only want to make sure he’s OK. I think this also falls under people who complain about their husbands but love being married. One of those weird things.
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I read this to my husband last night. He said that you answered that question perfectly! Where as I got a little teary-eyed just thinking about my daughter (who had already gone to bed) snuggling me and the feeling of her hair on my cheek (I wanted to hold her right then).
I’ve decided that this is why God has mad women so much more emotional than men, because we connect with our children in such a way that we can’t resist when they’re doing raspberries with a mouth full of sweet potatoes. When they wake up in the middle of the night and decide to talk to us for 2 hours, we endure the tiredness the next day and remember how cute it was that she kept looking at us to say something (I like to believe it’s that she loves me :D ). Yes, I’m one of those sappy movie watchers that cries at almost everything…and I thank God for my emotional nature; for without it, I might not be so loving.
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Candace Reply:
February 23rd, 2010 at 10:27 am
by mad…I mean made, whoopsie!!
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I can’t believe I didn’t comment yesterday! I interjected, but didn’t leave my own 2 sense.
I wouldn’t let the bad comments about parenting dissuade you or prolong the period of not having children. Of course parenting isn’t always easy, there will be days you are so tired all you want to do is sleep! But you get up anyways. the good things in parenting FARRRRRRRR outways the bad.
We didn’t marry until later in life, so we didn’t have much time before we wanted to start a family.
I think your feelings are normal… share them w/your hubby. Since you are still young yet, you can wait as long as you want. But I do know that when you start having your family, you will think it’s was funny to fret over these feelings that you have now, which like I said are perfectly normal.
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blair Reply:
February 24th, 2010 at 2:41 pm
i agree with danielle.. the good outweighs the bad by far. I had my children young (21 & 22) because I didnt want to know what I was “missing”.. if that makes sense. I didnt want to have alot of friends who didnt have children. I didnt want to know what it was like to have years of alone time with my husband. I wanted to have children early, so that i would know what a blessing they are, and not always think “man i miss going out with friends whenever i wanted” or whatever the case is. and i would not change it for the world. By the time my husband and I get to spend LOTS of time together, we will have been married along time. and I am glad, because we will have more in common. For now, we are spending time with our children, eating dinner as a family, watching cartoon movies, going to the park. and we are having a blast. I love my Lord, and I love the way he has blessed my life, because really, whether you “plan” to have children or not to have children, God will ultimately decide when you are ready. God bless!
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Thank you, Laura! I actually have tears in my eyes as I finish this. I SO needed this today. As many difficulties as there are, the blessings far outweigh them!
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That little catch in your breath that happens at the most unusual moments, that totally full-of-love feeling that is nothing like you’ve ever experienced before… that is what makes all of the frustrations and the exhaustion worth while. Problem is, those feelings are so hard to put into words… and our complaints aren’t.
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blair Reply:
February 24th, 2010 at 2:44 pm
so so so true! You cant begin to describe the way you feel about your child. I had to have 2 csections with my boys. the moment i saw them, it was amazing! Its beyond words. You cry when you arent really sad, because smiles and laughter dont seem to fit, either.. its so beautiful. im thankful to God everyday.
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Jessica, I agree that your feelings are perfectly normal and probably just mean that you are a planner and thinker and honest with yourself. You KNOW that you are inherently selfish (we ALL are) and you KNOW that parenting will be a lot of hard work, some of it not so fun. I remember thinking when I was pregnant that I was volunteering to give power to utterly break my heart over to a little person I hadn’t even met yet. It doesn’t matter WHAT happens, my daughter holds my heartstrings. It’s scary. I wondered about my relationship with my husband and on and on (I did the same thing before getting married too). I prayed A LOT about it all.
Wow, God has blessed me. Wow. One year of motherhood, and I am so blessed. My husband is totally on board with parenthood, is completely wrapped up in his love and care for our daughter, and supports me in every direction. My daughter is a precious little angel who adores her mama. I thought I would miss my freedom, my time, my ability to keep a room clean for five minutes. And every once in a while I do, but more often I find myself marveling at this little person who grows and changes every day.
Oh, and every time I think, I will miss this stage so much when she leaves it, I am always amazed that the next is even MORE fun and more amazing, so I think I will enjoy each new stage of my children’s life until I have grandchildren. :)
I feel more content and right than I have ever felt in my life. It is such a wonderful thing to be the teacher and nurturer of a little person. I love pulling her in my lap and singing songs with her about Jesus. I know I am not perfect. I get tired. I do things wrong. I make mistakes and I hate that she will learn those things from me, but this is also drawing me closer to God and his wisdom and power than ever.
I had a woman come up to me and tell me that she (in her 50s) regrets that she and her husband never took the time to have and raise children. Now they have no family and are growing older and alone. I know some people struggle with infertillity, and I ache for them, but I think people who are childless by choice are really missing out on one of God’s richest blessings in SO many ways!
Ah, I always have too many words. :) I would say, though, that you need to find some mother friends who rejoice in motherhood. I am very blessed to be honored and encouraged by the women around me. Anyway, God blesss you. I hope your journey to motherhood is smooth and blessed.
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blair Reply:
February 24th, 2010 at 2:46 pm
perfect!
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My baby is only 13 months old, so I really don’t have a lot of experience under my belt. BUT, on the more “me-oriented” side of things, I have to say I never really felt like an adult, like a woman, until I was pregnant, and that feeling increased a hundred fold when I gave birth. And now, I finally feel like my life has purpose, like my sucking down oxygen every day is worth while. My baby gave me my life.
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You know what bugs me about people? When they want their life nice, tidy and easy.
Without turmoil, there is no appreciation. Without sacrifice, there is no reward. Without frustration, there is no happiness. We can’t have one without the other.
Children are a blessing, because they teach us what we would possibly never learned. We have five children and I think that we must have needed a huge dose of learning how to be unselfish. I wouldn’t trade any of them in for a tidy, perfect life.
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So many wise things have been said here!
Jessica, when you were a little girl nearing puberty, did you ever look at older girls and wonder how they could stand to go through all that? Did you think maybe you’d rather be a child forever? I’ve known some girls who felt that way, and although I myself was eager to become a woman, I did sometimes wonder how I would handle all the responsibilities and inconveniences. I would hear older girls or women complaining about bras, menstruation, attention from men, or birth control, and think, “Uh-oh, what if being a woman really is that bad?!” So I did lots and lots of reading about it, so that I felt prepared for every step of the journey. Of course there were still some surprises, but for the most part it really helped me feel like I knew what I was doing.
That was my approach to motherhood, too, and again it helped a lot. Also, it was important to change my prayers from, “Please let me get pregnant right now!!” to, “God, I know you will give us a child at the right time.” When I started to think of pregnancy as something like menstruation that would happen to me when the time came, instead of something I could choose on a whim, it seemed much more natural and easy to accept. That was crucial for managing the nausea and other less-pleasant aspects.
About coping with a sick child: Most babies spit up pretty often when they are little, and although that’s annoying, it’s not “real vomit” especially if they’re breastfed; it’s just milk and not so gross. Similarly, newborns’ poop is not as gross as older people’s. So you have time to get used to cleaning up after your baby when it’s not so bad, and then as your child gets older, even if the smell is making you gag you’re now used to the idea of handling that stuff! My uncle told me this before I became a mom, and I was skeptical, but it really has worked!
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I love all of this discussion. Motherhood: a blessing and a curse. It’s a job that you won’t see the fruits of your labors until they’re in their 20s or maybe even their 30s. It’s thankless and wonderful… and tiring and inspiring. It’s the epitome of hope to make the world a better place.
BUT… on those days … like I had this morning… I just say to myself, “Now I know why some species eat their young.”
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As a new mom of a 10 week old I understand the “tired and haggard look”! However, can I just tell you that it’s different when it’s your own baby. You watch our friends baby smear food on her face and think, GROSS! Well, when it’s your baby you’ll think it’s so cute. Weird, I know! You’re afraid of sleepless nights but everytime I would pick her up after another 1-2 hours of sleep she would look so sweet and I wouldn’t care too much about another midnight nursing session. It’s a chance to snuggle! When it’s your baby you’ll look haggard and tired and you’ll realize it’s not that you didn’t have time to put on make-up (sometimes) it’s that you spent all afternoon staring at baby’s sweet little face and watching her every little expression while she slept that you didn’t have time to freshen up! It’s just different when it’s YOUR baby!
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I just love how you put that. It’s perfect. I just had my first baby after several years of marriage. It’s so much fun though and am loving every minute of it…even getting up in the middle of the night!
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Parenting is hard. If I had known how hard it was I might have rethought having kids, at least this many. And they get harder as they get older. BUT it is worth it. It gives my life a purpose and is rewarding and fun. Hard, inconvenient, frustrating, etc – but also worth it.
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