Becoming a Better Help Meet: GET HELP!!!
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I had another Help Meet post all sweetly written up to encourage you to empower your husband to be better. But that one is going to have to wait.
You know why? Because there are marriages all around me that are hurting and falling apart. If I hear of one more marriage break up from people that I love and care about, I’m just going to scream! Right now I’m mad. I’m mad and I’m sad and my heart is broken. I’m mad at Satan for destroying marriages and I’m mad at couples for letting Satan do what he loves and is so good at doing. Christians and non-Christians alike are letting Satan win. Stop it. Stop it!!! Stop it!!!!!
If your marriage is less than wonderful…you don’t get to cop out. You DON’T! You don’t get to say, “Laura, I know what the Bible says…but you just don’t know what I’ve been through in my marriage.”
You know what I keep hearing from couples who are deciding to split up? “We’ve had trouble for years.” “There have been issues in our marriage for years.” “We’ve always had really difficult things to work through in our marriage.”
Oh, really? You’ve had trouble for years? How shocking! Name one married couple that hasn’t “had trouble for years”! Everyone always thinks their troubles are harder to work through than anyone else’s troubles. And so…working through them just doesn’t seem like an option.
You want to know why your marriage is difficult? It’s because marriage is difficult! It’s because two sinners married each other and have to try to figure out how to live together in harmony with God in the center. Satan hates what you’re trying to do and he’s going to do everything he can to destroy you. It’s a spiritual battle. So yes, THAT is difficult.
If your marriage is in ANY kind of trouble…PLEASE GET HELP! Before it’s too late. Too many couples are ashamed or embarrassed or too full of pride to ask for help. Then they are divorced before anyone who loves them has a chance to help. Please, please don’t do that. I beg you.
Asking for help is hard. Asking for help means you may face the opportunity to be convicted of your own sin. Or be asked to offer forgiveness to your spouse. Or to let go of bitterness. Or to change something difficult about the way you are living. Those things are going to be gut-wrenchingly difficult. Awful. Painful.
But who are you living for? If you’re living for yourself, then by all means go right ahead and give up on your marriage. If you’re living for yourself, it won’t matter to you how much you hurt your children, your friends, your family, your church and your spouse. As long as you feel like you are going to be ”better off”, then go ahead and do whatever you want to do.
But if you are truly striving to live for Jesus, I’m going to beg you to please let go of yourself and all the fears you have about forgiveness and change…and please humbly accept help.
I’ve watched some of my friends walk through extremely difficult marital issues…and they survived! Their marriages have been in the trenches…and with God’s incredible strength…they have dug themselves out and come out on the other side with a new marriage to each other! It’s been beautiful to watch! They wanted to quit. They wanted to leave. But they worked and they fought and they sweated and they cried and they learned how to let go of the bondage that was keeping them from the kind of joy God purposes for a marriage. They did it and so can you!!
Please let God help heal your marriage. Your children deserve your hard work and so do you.
Disclaimers and some of the “Yeah Buts”: Please know that I’m not writing to condemn anyone. I know some of you have been through tremendous trials in your marriage. I know some of you are divorced. Some of you have endured physical abuse. Some of you had spouses who refused to stay married to you no matter how hard you tried or what you did to make it work. Some of you needed to get out of a marriage because your children were being sexually abused. I really am writing this post because while those are legitimate reasons to split, those reasons are VERY FEW, and the issues I’ve heard of recently are SO VERY FIXABLE!!! And that is why my heart cried out in this post.
And now, I’m going to go hug and appreciate my precious husband. If we’ve learned anything by watching friends and loved ones break up and divorce, it has been that we MUST go to great lengths to protect and nurture our marriage together. My husband and I are prayerfully clinging to one another right now…and I’d like to encourage you and your spouse to do the same. Your marriage depends on it.
‘Created To Be His Helpmeet’ is a wonderful book that is very bold about the wife’s role in saving a marriage. Debbie Pearl is so bold about the wife’s duty to her husband. I love love love this book. I am a first generation homemaker and this book has taught me soooo much. I would that all women would read this book,(there is probably a copy at your library!) but especially someone with marital problems. What I learned has definately strengthened my marriage, and we are both happier for it!:)
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Danielle Reply:
May 19th, 2010 at 2:59 am
See and I think this is the worst possible book to read. I DON’T recommend anyone reading it.
To say it’s ALL about submission is to say it’s ALL the woman’s fault.
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Merry Jo Reply:
May 19th, 2010 at 5:21 am
Did you ever read it?
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Danielle Reply:
May 19th, 2010 at 7:55 am
Actually I have… and then I threw it out.
Andrea Reply:
May 19th, 2010 at 5:22 pm
See, I didn’t see it so much saying “It’s all the woman’s fault” just that “you can only change yourself” and the book is written to women. I agree that I wish there was a companion book out there for men, but I really think it is amazing how much influence God gives us women over our men. I think this book is invaluable in situations where women find themselves completely alone in their desire to work on or change their marriage. It gives them direct instruction and biblical support to help them “win their husbands without a word.” Awesome.
I agree that this book takes a LOT of getting used to and can seem really antagonistic, but she is just really direct. This book has saved a LOT of marriages too, so just because it isn’t your cup of tea, please don’t throw out the baby with the bathwater!
Love your comments, Danielle. I wish I could know you in person. You seem like such a fun person to know, and you always have interesting things to say. :) God bless.
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Danielle Reply:
May 19th, 2010 at 7:05 pm
Thanks Andrea, you’re so kind! That truly blessed me. Sometimes I do
wonder if I come of harshly, especially when I’m passionate about something.
This book really did rub me the wrong way. I guess you could say different strokes for different folks. Maybe it would work for others, but not me. I deleted the rest of this post. It went way off topic.
I just want to reiterate… it’s not always being submissive. You are a GREAT wife just as you are!
Sherri Reply:
May 19th, 2010 at 8:57 am
Loved this book!!!!
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Kris Reply:
May 20th, 2010 at 8:07 am
This book changed my marriage. After months of praying that God would strengthen and change my marriage, since it was not a happy one, a acquaintance told me about this book. I read it and my marriage has never been better. So I agree, I love “Created to be his Help Meet”.
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Amen sister. I’ve been right there with you. I have begged people….even the night before the divorce papers were signed…praying with them, begging them, setting up appointments with ministers to help….but to no avail. Then even after swearing she was not going to do anything but pursue Jesus after the divorce she was already involved with a “Christian” within 8 months of the divorce. Never mind the two daughters that are now tossed back and forth between two parents who hate each other and use them as pawns. It does make me so mad. My marriage isn’t perfect. I got married at 18 and brought all the emotional baggage of a childhood filled with rejection from an alcoholic father. I brought unrealistic expectations for him to be my idol and my god. I expected him to fulfill all my loneliness and lack of self esteem and quickly found out that wasn’t working. And now, even after nearly 14 years of marriage, the enemy still from time to time drags me down that road and causes bitterness and anger to rise up inside me, but praise the Lord, through prayer and REAL FRIENDS who will tell me like it is and reprove (and even rebuke if necessary) my flesh, and PRAYER! LOTS AND LOTS OF PRAYER AGAINST THE ENEMY! We are still holding on. We have one beautiful 3 year old boy and just found out we are expecting another in January. The real turn happened when I realized that my husband was NOT MY ENEMY, but SATAN IS MY ENEMY! Like a roaring lion he wants my marriage so he can destroy my child’s soul! I finally started praying in Jesus name against him and his demons that he has NO RIGHT TO MY MARRIAGE OR MY FAMILY because we belong to Christ. If only others would open their eyes to their own sin and cry out to Jesus for help…then maybe we could actually show the world what Jesus meant when he determined for marriage to be a picture of faithfulness to the world…like His faithfulness to the church…his bride!!
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AMEN!!!
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Preach it ladies. Amen! Laura I am very thankful for your blog! I am so glad the Lord is using you in such a powerful way.
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My husband and I have participated in a seminar called Love and Respect. I cannot recommend this book (and there are lots of snippets on youtube by the author Dr. Emerson Eggerichs) strongly enough. Even if your spouse doesn’t want to read this book….it doesn’t matter….GET IT ASAP and start right in. Don’t blame yourself. Don’t blame him. It’s not Satan as much as women hear and process things one way and men do so another way. Women are designed to need LOVE. Men are designed to need RESPECT. When we act unlovingly men feel that we don’t respect them. Their response? To pull away, to stonewall, to not give us the love we need. If a woman says (or a man suspects) “I really love you, I just don’t respect you” it is the same thing if our husband were to say “honey, I really have a lot of respect for you, I just don’t love you”…..OUCH.
Did you know that if a man is given a choice between being isolated and without love versus not being respected he’d rather have the respect!
Seriously, my husband and I have been married for 25+ years. Kate is right, marriage is WORK…but no work is possibly more important. Because of this workshop our relationship has become even deeper and more holy. The principles in Love and Respect will help guide you as you talk about all the difficult issues you struggle with, and frankly, when you feel the deep love (men are willing to DIE for their wives and yet we’re always whining “but you don’t love me”) and he feels admired and respected, lots of those arguments won’t be occurring so often.
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Kristin Reply:
May 19th, 2010 at 7:42 am
Love and Respect is a GREAT book!
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I pray that we all have open hearts and do not judge others based on our limited information and outside view. There is so much judging going on among ‘Christians’ when we fail to see that our righteous attitudes are yet another tool of Satan.
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Darcy Reply:
May 19th, 2010 at 6:22 am
Aren’t we called to “judge” our brothers and sisters in Christ? We are told if we see them living in sin, we are to try to bring them back into a right relationship with Christ. I think too many Christians use the excuse of “not judging” to let others continue to live in sin.
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Amanda Reply:
May 19th, 2010 at 6:25 am
I would also add that what I am reading here is not ‘SELF-RIGHTEOUSNESS’
but rather God’s righteousness. We are all admitting our
inability to stick it out and our dependence on Christ.
Too many people hit a bump in life and say, “I can’t do this” and
just quit, when God calls us to say, “I can’t do this” hit our knees
and then say, “But, I can do ALL THINGS through Christ who
strengthens me.” Too many Christians don’t want to take the
narrow road that Jesus calls us to take. We would rather have
a comfortable easy life and take the wide road to destruction.
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Amanda Reply:
May 19th, 2010 at 6:31 am
Oooh…I just read this in my email by Oswald Chambers and it is perfect.
“OUT OF THE WRECK I RISE”
Who shall separate us from the love of Christ?
Romans 8:35
God does not keep a man immune from trouble; He says – “I will be
with him in trouble.” It does not matter what actual troubles in the
most extreme form get hold of a man’s life, not one of them can
separate him from his relationship to God. We are “more than
conquerors in all these things.” Paul is not talking of imaginary
things, but of things that are desperately actual; and he says we are
super-victors in the midst of them, not by our ingenuity, or by our
courage, or by anything other than the fact that not one of them
affects our relationship to God in Jesus Christ. Rightly or wrongly,
we are where we are, exactly in the condition we are in. I am sorry
for the Christian who has not something in his circumstances he
wishes was not there.
“Shall tribulation…?” Tribulation is never a noble thing; but let
tribulation be what it may – exhausting, galling, fatiguing, it is
not able to separate us from the love of God. Never let cares or
tribulations separate you from the fact that God loves you.
“Shall anguish…?” – can God’s love hold when everything says that
His love is a lie, and that there is no such thing as justice?
“Shall famine…?” – can we not only believe in the love of God but
be more than conquerors, even while we are being starved?
Either Jesus Christ is a deceiver and Paul is deluded, or some
extraordinary thing happens to a man who holds on to the love of God
when the odds are all against God’s character. Logic is silenced in
the face of every one of these things. Only one thing can account for
it – the love of God in Christ Jesus. “Out of the wreck I rise” every
time.
Laura Reply:
May 19th, 2010 at 6:53 am
Thanks for your comments, I too pray that there is not an attitude of judging/condemning among this dicscussion. My heart is one of love and not judgment. I love all of my many friends and family members who are divorced. As I said in the post this is written to encourage us to get help with our marriages and cling to our spouses. Love- Laura
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Another Amen!
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AMEN! Great words laura!
If anyone is up for some marriage strengthening you can head over to my blog ( laughingfamily.blogspot.com )for a 30-day Marrige Encouragement Challenge!
I did it last fall, so you will have to check our the October 2009 and November 2009 archives…and sorry, the prize was already given to one of the wonderful ladies who participated at the time, but you can still do the challenge!
Blessings!!
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I was just realizing this week how I don’t give my husband enough credit for the good and often linger on the bad. I decided that each day I want to make note of the wonderful things that he does, big or small to help focus my attention on those things rather than the negative.
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I think society has let giving up on a marriage commitment way too easy. I agree marriage is work and it is totally worth it!!
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I’ll chime in with another amen. AMEN!! Marriage is definitely not easy! Did you know parents of special needs kids have a higher divorce rate? Or those who have lost a child? It makes it harder, I’ll say that. But God can overcome ANYTHING. I’ve been married 20 years and I pray that we will be together another 20 or more years.
If there is even the slightest chance that it can be worked out, work it out.
Great work, Laura.
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I’ve never commented on your blog but I’ve been a lurker for some time. I have to say I appreciate your boldness. Yes marriage can be difficult at times but oh so worth it!!!
:-)
Jenn
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Wow, how perfectly timely. It seems as if so many of our friends are in the middle of divorces. None of them know Jesus, and as much as my husband tries to counsel them they still go through with it. I told my husband just the other day that it seems so impossible to stay together forever and that I often worry that we will be next. Thankfully, he said “No, we won’t. It’s not even an option. No matter what the issue, we will stay together and work things through.” Wow I love that man. I just wish his friends would learn from him and listen to his advice. Marriage is not always perfect, or even fun, but nothing is too big for God. He can fix any hurt if people would just turn to him and let him.
Amen Laura! Great post!!
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I agree with Meloney, Created To Be His Helpmeet is a wonderful book!!! I read it about once a year.
Recently I was talking to a friend who’s boyfriend really wants to get married but she is unsure. She said that in everything else she has ever done, including pilot training, she has always felt like she could quit at any time if it got too tough. But, “marriage is not something you can quit”! I love her statement, too many people do not see it that way.
I am sooo thankful for my wonderful husband of 10 years. We are one married couple that hasn’t “had trouble for years”. We have had very little trouble in the last 10 years. My husband tells people that he can count on his hand the number of times we have disagreed. Not bragging, we are not perfect, but I just want people to know it is possible.
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AMEN!!! I too have heard recently of several couples I know who I thought were strong who end up divorcing, and it has hurt to see. Is marriage really SO HARD, I agree there are instances where divorce is the BEST option, but it shouldn’t be in most cases. MArriage is wonderful and hard, but it’s all part of the journey and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I am only 29 by the way, so my friends are not even that old.
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What a wonderfully passionate post Laura. I was thinking recently about the wedding vows we all says that include “for better, for worse, in sickness and in health” My precious husband and I have been more almost 33 years. I never dreamed the “in sickness” would come so early. My husband is now permanently disabled and he is only 51. He went from climbing mountains to this in less than 13 months. We have heard of people who walk away when the other spouse becomes handicapped, how sad. When we said those vows we meant it. Our marriages are SUPPOSED to glorify the Father and that is what this marriage is doing. God bless
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Crystal Reply:
May 19th, 2010 at 6:37 am
Wow! I can’t believe people would walk away from someone they married just because they become handicapped, I married my husband already handicapped! He is a great husband and fahter and the disability doesn’t matter to me at all. I think there are some who don’t understand why I married him, but oh well!
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Awesome Laura!!!!! You go girl. I appreciate your frankness. I have been married 20 years, it is work,my husband and I have been through ALOT!!! There is nothing that God cannot heal. Keep up the awesome work.
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This post is a huge reminder for me not to take my marriage for granted. And not to let it slide just because there are no apparent problems. That I need to continue to pray for our marriage and to work on my part of it. There’s a CD series that my husband and I give everyone who gets married. It’s by Chip Ingram of Living on the Edge – lote(dot)org – called “Experiencing God’s Dream for Your Marriage”. I think it’s time for me to listen to those CDs again myself.
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As long as you feel like you are going to be ”better off”, then go ahead and do whatever you want to do.
It’s sad, but this is exactly what we hear from our society and the media every day.
It’s all about “you”.
“I” am the most important person in the world.
Look out for “your own” interests.
Great post Laura. Keep it up!
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If you are ever near a seminar called “A Weekend to Remember,” I suggest you go. It was the best thing that happened to my husband and I. We were near splitting up, we’d been to counceling, and it was a last ditch effort. Neither of us could have imagined our love being re-ignited so greatly, or each of us finding an end to bitterness, and an openess to forgiveness like we found that weekend. That was three years ago, and I’m so thankful God used that seminar to keep our family together.
Laura, you were very bold to say such things- some of which may turn a few readers away. But I’m so proud of you for speaking the truth and not letting your readership determine topics or content.
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PJ Reply:
May 19th, 2010 at 5:52 am
Amber, I’m smiling big after reading your testimony. God is a God of miracles. He saves marraiges. Cheering you and your hubbie on!
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Marriage is work. I had every reason 9 years ago to give up on mine. But I stuck with it and I am soooo grateful I did. Our marriage is better now than it’s ever been.
I learned a few years back from a seminar with Dr. Gary Chapman (wrote The Five Love Languages) that after 5 years of being divorced, 80% say they wished they never divorced. No matter how hard it may seem, stick with it – you will be thankful in the long run. I know I am.
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Laura~
AMEN and AMEN! Marriage is tough but so are so many other things. Parenting is tough too but we don’t give up on that. God designed us need a help mate and he draws us closer to himself with our trials. To many people today are just about what makes them happy. No one is perfect and we are all working things out until our reunion with our Savior. Great post!
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Amen! I’ve been feeling the same way! My heart aches over the marriages that have ended because one spouse isn’t willing to work and the other longs to restore the relationship. I’m still in shock over hearing that close friends of ours who both seemed to be living on fire for Christ are getting a divorce because the husband said he had been cheating for the last two years. I just learned of another friend who is going through a divorce as well. It breaks my heart!
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Another Amen! We are surrounded by many unequally yoked families (man not saved and woman supposedly is saved). It is a recipe for disaster and hurt and ultimately in many cases divorce. So painful. We counsel and pray often – the devil seems to be winning battles, but I know my Lord will win the war – and hopefully many of these marriages.
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I wanted to add that I’ve seen the “Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage” DVDs by Mark Gungor. He also does this in a seminar format. It’s such a good reminder of how differently men and women think- and it re-energized me to work my hardest toward having the happiest, most fullfilling marriage possible.
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Amen! I just read ‘Created to be His Help Meet – how God can make your marriage glorious’ and I loved it. God used it to open my eyes to things that I was doing that were hindering my husband from being the man God intended him to be, and to show me where I have been wrong in my actions. By simply changing my (selfish) attitude I can change my marriage, for the better!
I think this book should be required reading for every married woman. (WARNING – it may cause conviction!)
(not that you mentioned this book, but it definitely goes along with what you are talking about, working at marriage and all)…
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Great post Laura! Thanks for pouring out your heart and glorifying God by standing up for the truth of His Word. I will pray that your ‘message’ will be seeds planted that God will grow and nourish and marriages will be strengthened because of it!
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Amen! I have been married to my wonderful husband for 13 years this summer – mostly happily. We’ve had our issues, but divorce is just not an option. In fact, we got married in August 1997 and my parents’ divorce was finalized in September – they had been married for nearly 21 years. I was not the least bit surprised by their marriage falling apart, it was a miserable marriage for both of them…because they LET it be that way. My parents didn’t get help and they didn’t fight to make it work. By their example, I know what I will not allow into my marriage – and when my husband and I tease each other – it goes both ways, we laugh together all the time! – my son used to think we were fighting. If that’s as bad as he has it, I feel like he is blessed by our marriage and I pray that we will be a good example for him…and our precious baby girl coming later this year.
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Long time lurker, first time commenter….I love this! My husband and I have been married for 13 wonderful years but we almost separated in our 7th year of marriage. We realized in that year that marriage is hard and it’s always going to be at times but WORTH IT! Ever since that awful year we have embraced the difficulties in our marriage instead of try to run from them. Without God’s help, I don’t know how other couples survive. I can honestly say I am happily married by God’s provision and I know my husband would say the same (because he has).
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I have read created to be his help meet, and right now I am reading preparing to be his help meet. It really stepped on my toes. I have to say it was a hard swallow, but deep down I knew It was right! The bible is pretty clear why were wives were created! I found that once I stepped into my God Given role, ( I am not that skilled at it just yet) That I felt more fulfilled! Don’t get me wrong marriage is not a cake walk, but I do enjoy it for the most part. Don’t you think it is also a matter of perspective, and sometimes that would require us to change ours. Every time my husband does something that gets under my skin, I just think to myself…. Well what am I complaining about, He puts up with so much from me, and he goes to work everyday, and he comes home and really loves the kids, and plays with them and he supports homeschooling and he does not mind when I experiment with new recipes that call for all natural ingredients that normal people cant pronounce. I meant he is doing pretty good!
I think that if you took away from that book that it is all the woman’s fault, then you did not understand the heart of the author. read it again with an open mind and a lot of prayer and guidance from the holy spirit!
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Laura, I have been visiting your blog on an almost daily basis for some time now – I love your recipes, I have learned a lot from healthy tips, from your musings and I am grateful for your heart for your family and your heart for the Lord.
I am really glad I logged on this morning (I was looking for your butterscotch bars recipe :) and read this post from yesterday. Over the years my husband and I have witnessed a lot of close friends and family go down the road of divorce and it has broken our hearts. I appreciate your boldness and I couldn’t agree with you more.
My own thoughts after reading through some of the comments are this…it’s really easy to go to all books (or DVD’s or conferences, etc.) out there in hopes of finding the answers (which sometimes can be helpful – don’t get me wrong – there are some great tools! I love Created to be his Helpmeet).I think that often times people forget the Bible is the BEST source of instruction and gives great advice on how to handle marital conflict. If more of us just followed the teachings of Christ how better off our marriages would be! That, and a lot prayer, tears, forgiveness and dying to self! Marriage is work indeed, but a worthy work and not worth throwing in the towel!
Thanks dear sister for sharing your heart with us!
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20+ years and counting. It hasn’t been easy. We have had some rather large crosses (loss of child etc.) But what I tell everyone, the valleys can be oh so very deep but stick it out for the mountains – the mountains are so worth it! And heaven, heaven is the goal!
Great post.
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I just wanted to say that, no matter what any marriage is going through, praying together is critical. Whether your marriage is a blissful haven or you cannot say 2 words to each other without fighting, PRAY together. Even if all you do recite the Lord’s Prayer together, PRAY TOGETHER! When we feel we cannot take another breath, God can breathe air into our spirits. Trust Him and recognize that neither spouse is perfect.
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Laura. I feel the same way. Your post is so passionate today. Thank you for really showing your heart.
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The Five Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman (there is a version for children & teens too) helps one discover how they express love. Realizing that your “love language” may be different than your partner’s was eye opening for me. Your library likely has it. Words of Affirmation, Gift Giving, Quality Time, Acts of Service and Physical Touch are the five general ways we give love and feel loved. Some marriages really struggle because couples are not speaking in the love language the other needs to hear. He is a Christian author. Here is his website with a free quiz to determine your love language: http://www.5lovelanguages.com/
Another resource that really helped me learn how to be a better giver in my marriage was Dr. Laura Schlessinger’s The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands. Women tend to be the ones that hold families together and she demonstrates the power a giving woman has in helping her marriage.
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Thank you, Laura! Tomorrow is my 4 year anniversary – when I’ve been told by secular co-workers that things “start to get really tough”. We’re not worried about our marriage, but we ARE making efforts to keep it strong through our faith in Christ :-)
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Sometimes we don’t want to hear the hard words that Laura has written. But if we are to truly bear one another’s burdens these words must be spoken in love. This is well-written and from the heart of one Christian friend dealing with other Christian friend’s problems.
Also, thank you so much for reminding even those of us who think our marriages are okay that it is a never-ending battle with Satan. We must stand guard to protect our spouses and our marriages!
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You said so well what I have felt in my heart for years. It is too easy to give up. We’ve been married for 27 years, and not without our share of struggles. But the pain that comes from divorce is no easier to bear. I’m overjoyed by the unity displayed in these comments, too!
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Dear Laura!!!!, God bless you for speaking truth. Oh, may GOD heal families and couples from this tragedy of divorce and remarriage. Remarriage if your spouse is still living is from the pit of hell. Jesus remained single His whole life and is our example if we must be single or even separated. It hurts, it is painful and dealing with those going through takes more widsom that most of us have. I just encourage all divorcees to please remain single and out of relationships other than the ex, no matter how painful. You just might be surprised what love and persistance can do to a “lost” spouse. Pleae, do not give up. It looks impossible, but, with GOD nothing is impossible. Call unto me and I will answer thee and show you great and mighty things which thou knowest not. Blessing to all of you . It is so refreshig to hear truth and not have our ears tickled.
Thank you, beautiful lady, more than you know!! I am from a broken home and never had the love of my bilogical father to lean on. It still hurts, even at 43, but, GOD is faithful. That hurt has molded my love and compassion for hurting,breaking families to pray for them all over the world, even in my own broken unworthiness.
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Hey everyone! Another ‘lurker’ here. I just want to point out that the message of this post is to offer hope to those who may be struggling…not condemnation for those who are divorced or who are thinking that direction. I have a lot of divorced people in my life. I love them dearly. I married a divorced man, with a fair amount of criticism. As a stepmom to adult children of divorced parents (they were small at the time of the divorce), I have a passion for making marriages work. I know first hand the pain they have suffered and continue to suffer. I see the bitterness and disfunction it has created. It’s not about judgment. It’s about wanting to protect those we love.
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AMEN!!!
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Its so true. Satan knows that the family is the central, and most powerful, unit in this world, and in God’s plan. He will do ANYTHING to break up that strong unit. Marriage is often the first place he looks. Without a strong couple, Satan can tare families apart. If we make sure that we are doing our part of the marriage covenant we made and try to help our husbands do the same, the marriage will hopefully stay strong, and will never fall apart, even during the tough times. I am glad that there are others out there that believe as strongly about marriage as I do!
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Although I’m single (age 27), it makes me sad to see people my age who give up (and so quickly at that).
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another great book is by Gary and Betsy Ricucci called “Love That Lasts.” i highly, highly recommend it!
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Laura thank you so much for being bold enough to speak the truth with love. I’m so appreciative of everything you share with us and what God has laid on your heart! I think we all should be prepared and prepare our children that marriage is NOT always easy and happily ever after. After 18 years of marriage, we’ve had a lot of good times, but bad times as well. Sometimes the only thing that keeps you hanging on is the Lord and the fact that you made those vows before Him. However – I would encourage everyone – as with most things in life – going through something bad is awful at the time – but if you continue to seek the Lord and trust in Him – when you finally get through it – you are stronger than before – and always closer to the Lord. He is always faithful! Thanks again Laura, may God continue to bless you.
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My husband and I have been happily married for 19 years now, and have 4 children. I’ve read a lot of good books on marriage, relationships, raising children, etc. I just recently purchased two books by Helen Andelin, Fascinating Girl, and Fascinating Womanhood. How I wish I read this book when I first got married! I recommend these books to every teenager and woman! This book teaches woman how to awaken a man’s deepest love and tenderness, and our roles as wives, mothers, and keepers of the home. I quote her exact words, “A loving marriage is the foundation of a happy family, and a happy family the foundation of a stable society. Most of the problems in this world stem from troubled homes. If we are to have peace in the world, we must begin at home.” This book teaches us how to understand men, masculine and feminine roles, finances, and also what femininity is.
Personally, I have learned so incredibly much from this book. It puts in perspective our role as first of all wives, then mothers, and keepers of the home. In this day and age, I believe we forget our roles so quickly, seeing other woman in the work force, and just the busy lifestyle most of us live. I feel so blessed to have found and read this book and all the wonderful testamonies found in it. Many, many marriages have been healed by following Helen’s advice. Please read this book, it will benefit you greatly! My teenage daughter is reading Fascinating Girl, written for girls before marriage. It teaches them what to look for in a man/husband, and how to understand men. Also how to act, modesty, and so much more. God bless you all!
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What a “real” post Laura. Thank you. Besides sin (obviously) I’m convinced that the biggest problem with our society today is the breakdown of the family unit, specifically marriages. The emphasis on globalizing everything, even relationships, such as via Facebook, etc.., is ridiculous. But that’s another post all together…
I somehow started to get the very liberal “Parenting” magazine through the mail and hate it but skim it each month since it’s free. Anyway, last month the question was in there “should you end a marriage if you are unhappy?” Over 75% said yes!! That disgusted me. No one is ever 100% happy and even our founding fathers recognized happiness is a journey “the pursuit of happiness”. I feel sad for people that want to keep their marriage together at all costs but their spouse seeks a divorce. God can do anything and we must be patient.
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Laura….I agree with so much you stated and I appreciate your boldness in posting this!! I was just praying today for several couples my husband and I know that are having problems. I will say this…we can’t continue to blame Satan for our choices. While he is definitely out to steal, kill and destroy…sometimes we just let the wrong happen, instead of standing for what is right! Marriage is work and I, too, will hug my husband a bit tighter tonight and thank him for all that he is in our home. Praying for marriages!!!!
God bless, Pamela
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Watch “Fireproof”. Absolutely, wonderful movie. We’ve been married for 14 years with two wonderful children. Our earlier years were the rockiest and at times I felt like I would be “better off”, but because I didn’t want to put my kids through a divorce, I continually prayed. I did read the helpmeet book and I learned that I shouldn’t pray to change my spouse, but I should pray to change myself. We still have some difficulties because we are still male and female, but I know my husband loves me more than anyone else can. Our marriage is much stronger now and I’m glad divorce never became an option. I put my marriage in God’s hands and he has blessed us many times over.
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Laura, I really needed to read this today. Thank you.
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