Over the weekend, Matt took the boys to a father-son retreat.
This means I was all by myself for the entire weekend. No one to cook for. No one to clean up after. No one to break up fights for. No one to get to soccer games.
Oh yeah. And there was NO ONE TO CATCH THE SNAKE I FOUND IN MY HOUSE!!!!!!!
It was something like 1:45 in the morning when I saw the slithery creature. I had stayed up WAY too late working on the computer, just because I could I suppose. I was getting crazy sleepy, so I got up once more to use the restroom. And that’s when I saw it.
Suddenly I wasn’t very sleepy anymore.
The snake wasn’t very fat…but it was a good foot and a half long or twelve.
I reacted at first by standing in the same place for about ten minutes. And I stood there. And stood there. I could not think of one option for taking care of a snake in my house at two in the morning all by myself. I wasn’t sure if “help I have a garter snake emergency” justified a 911 call or not, but I was thinking not.
Finally realizing that I couldn’t stand there all night…nor could I go to bed knowing there was a snake in my house…I grabbed the nearest shoe. I hear tell that dress shoes belonging to little boys are helpful in removing snakes from a house.
Once I had the shoe…I stood frozen for several more minutes. The snake slithered a little here and there, freaking me completely out.
Then I decided that maybe if I went and got a container of some sort, I could scoop it up and throw it outside. Somehow I mustered up the courage to run downstairs where I found a cottage cheese container.
Yes…a cottage cheese container. I would catch the snake in the cottage cheese container. Using the shoe.
The snake by that time had slithered down several stairs to a landing. The slithering was about enough to do me in. Oh, the slithering.
I decided that I did not have the courage to scoop up the snake…nor did the snake offer to go willingly into the cottage cheese container. I resorted to the shoe.
I threw it directly down onto the snake as hard as I could. Simultaneously, I shrieked quite loudly. There is just something so horrid about throwing a shoe down onto a snake…and then watching it slither into a ball that caused a really loud shriek to come out of my body. It was enough to wake the neighbors. Except that it didn’t. Oh how I wish a neighbor would have heard me and come over to lend a hand.
I tried the shoe two or seven more times. Apparently all I’d heard about little boy’s dress shoes getting snakes out of houses wasn’t true. The snake was not harmed but I was shaking like a little girl (who’d been throwing shoes at snakes).
Finally…finally…I was able to put the cottage cheese container on TOP of the snake, which was now curled up in a ball on the floor (trying to protect itself from the little brown shoe bombs).
I put several books on top of the container so that the snake wouldn’t get out. Then I put a few more books around the side of the container to keep it from moving from side to side at all. And then I put a heavy jar of tomato soup I’d just canned on top of the books. No way no how was I going to take a chance of that snake getting out.
Don’t look now, but there’s a snake in that container.
I then proceeded to pull an all-nighter. It would seem that snakes, shoes and cottage cheese containers in combination have the ability to produce enough adrenaline to cause a person’s eyes to stay open and heart to beat at a crazy pace for hours and hours. There was no sleep happening for me until right about the time the sun came up.
A couple of hours later my wonderful, fantastic Uncle Kenny graciously came and took the intruder far, far away. He also gave me a hug. Yeah, I really needed that hug.
After this experience…all I can say is that I’m just a little bit jumpy. Hopefully someday I will not feel the need to grab a shoe and a cottage cheese container every time I see a shoe lace or electric cord plugged into the wall. Hopefully.
I’ve just gotta ask: What would you have done? Are you the type who could have just shrugged and picked up the “silly little snake” and thrown it outside? Or are you well…a little more like me when it comes to snakes? :)