Your Spouse is Not Your Enemy

helpmeet

One of the statements that stuck out to me the most when Matt and I attended the Weekend to Remember marriage conference is this:

Your spouse is not your enemy.

When your spouse does something to hurt you or upset you; when your spouse is thoughtless or inconsiderate; when your spouse forgets to do something you asked him or her to do; when your spouse makes you mad or causes you pain; when your spouse doesn’t seem to be on your side…

You need to remember that your spouse is not your enemy.

The enemy is your enemy.  Satan is the enemy.  The enemy doesn’t want your marriage to survive.  The enemy doesn’t want your marriage to be strong.  The enemy doesn’t want your marriage to make an impact for God’s Kingdom.

Your spouse is your teammate in this war against the enemy.  The enemy wants to tear your marriage apart.  You and your spouse are in this marriage together and you are not enemies.  You may not always see everything the same way, you may not always agree in every situation.  You may feel like your spouse is choosing to be your enemy.  But no, that isn’t true.  Your spouse is not your enemy.

No matter how tough your struggles, no matter how terrible your pain, no matter what your spouse does or doesn’t do…you must remember that your spouse is not your enemy.

Recognize the enemy when he tries to attack the teamwork of your marriage.  Do not focus your thoughts around your spouse when you are hurt or upset, thinking that your spouse is the enemy.  This will get you nowhere, except to keep you hurt and upset.

Instead, focus on prayer to the One who is holy and righteous, and much more powerful than the enemy.  Focus your prayers on asking God to preserve your marriage, to strengthen your marriage and above all, to defeat the enemy.

May you be blessed as you and your spouse work together, letting God strengthen and protect your marriage against the enemy.  Praise God for His unfailing power and for the hope He brings to your life and to your marriage!

I wanted to remind you that we’ve set up a Heavenly Homemakers Group, which enables you and your spouse to attend the Weekend to Remember conference for HALF PRICE!!   The normal price per couple is $318, which means that by signing up with the Heavenly Homemakers Group, you and your spouse can attend for only $159!

By signing up under the Heavenly Homemakers Group, you can attend the conference at any time or location that works for you.  We don’t all have to “go as a group”.  This is just a nice group rate option Family Life offers to encourage more people to attend.  Feel free to share this information and link with your friends!

Comments

  1. Wendy says

    WOW! I am married to a “on the path to salvation” man. Who greatly contents the Lord…This message I either had never heard, forgotten or just needed to hear again! Thank you!!!

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  2. says

    I definitely needed to hear this! My husband is VERY forgetful and some days I feel like he is trying to make me mad by forgetting everything. Of course this is likely not the case, but in the heat of the moment when he has forgotten yet another very important thing then it is hard to remember he is not the enemy. Next time I get angry at him, I will try to remember this and cut him some slack.

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  3. Lana says

    The Lord has really been teaching this to me for about the last year. It has been marriage changing! We will be married 33 years in June. Don’t wait as long as me to allow this to impact your heart.

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  4. Shawn says

    Laura, you have blessed me and many others with this post! Thank you for sharing what you learned at the Weekend to Remember, and encouraging others to go. My husband and I attended our first WTR twelve years ago- I did not want to be there. But God did amazing things in our hearts that weekend and our view of one another was restored. Our marriages need constant maintenance and tune-ups. Thanks again for the great reminders and God-centered encouragement!!

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  5. Carole says

    I also really needed to hear this and wish I could hear more….after 50 yrs. of marriage, I may be facing divorce. I’m so confused about life right now but am praying for God to reveal what His plan is for our marriage at this point. Thanks for your website I love what I’ve read so far.

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    Laura Reply:

    Carole, I’m so sad to hear this. I am praying for you and for your husband that you will be able to keep your marriage together and that it will be strong again. God is so good, and I pray that you feel His comfort and guidance during this time.

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    Carole Reply:

    Laura, thank you so much, we need all the prayer we can get. I feel stronger already in a fight against “the enemy”, just knowing that there are prayers for my marriage helps me to want to fight back. Thanks, Carole

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    Shawn Reply:

    Carole,It saddens me as well,to hear of your marriage situation. If you and your husband can’t get to a Weekend to Remember seminar, there are also a lot of “Art of Marriage” seminars being put on by churches all over. You can go to the FamilyLife website and see what it’s about and see where one near you. Don’t give up!! Stay in the fight! I will be praying for you and your husband!

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    Carole Reply:

    Thank you for taking the time to answer and to pray for someone you don’t even know. It helps to know that God is hearing my prayers and it strengthens me to want to “hang in there” and keep fighting. I will be looking for one of these seminars, however, I’m not sure my husband would even consider going. Do you happen to know where I could get literature or info about this particular subject? Thanks again Shawn and please continue to pray, Carole

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    Shawn Reply:

    Hi Carole, it is my priviledge to pray for you and your husband. Please email me your email address and we can talk more about the right resources for you. I am in the fight for marriages because mine was almost destroyed. I would be happy to come alongside you. Please email my husband and he will forward it to me: gsolberg@familylife.com

    Angie Reply:

    Carole, I lifted you up in prayer today. Continue to rely on God and trust Him!

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  6. Willie Mitchell says

    As Lana said, you younger women, don’t let it take too long to learn this. After being married almost 44 years, I still needed this. Thanks.

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  7. Kathy says

    Thank you, Laura. Yesterday afternoon I forgot this point for a little bit. Thankfully, God is teaching both of us how to talk things out and process them constructively. By dinnertime, we were laughing and holding hands again.

    Whew!

    I’m also excited about the Heavenly Homemakers group for the Weekend to Remember. What’s the time frame on that?

    Thank you for all you do here. You’re MUCH appreciated!

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    Laura Reply:

    It is my understanding that there is no “end date” on this group rate. :)

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  8. says

    Thank you for sharing this!
    When we had some major marriage problems a few years ago I would be angry at my husband and angry at God. I railed against the Lord for weeks and even months instead of turning to Him for support and guidance.
    One day it finally hit me who was really trying to do the damage and I was able to focus my anger at the TRUE enemy. It was like being hit by lightning! I became angry and defiant towards Satan instead of my husband and my God and it spurred me on to really work at my marriage again.
    Now when we have problems in our marriage they are worked out so much more quickly and easily because I remember to keep this perspective!

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  9. Becky C says

    Laura, this is very apropriately timed. Today marked 10 years of marriage. The last 5 have been a slow but steady climb out of the pit we put it in the first 5 years. All the progress was based on this principle. Thanks for the reminder, and the encouragement you are to me and so many others.

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  10. Christine Walker says

    Perfectly timed. I’m literally online right now because I’m in a fight with my husband and just wanted to find something else to do to get my mind off it. You have no idea how much I need this post. The Lord just used you mightily.

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  11. Jen says

    I enjoyed this article – such a blessing to be reminded of the true meaning of marriage!! Thanks for that!

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  12. Brooke says

    Thank you Laura!
    Thank the Lord I have such a wonderful, God-fearing husband; who forgives me and loves me despite my struggles and sins that I dump on him – but yes, he is NOT my enemy.

    I came across these conferences a few weeks ago and thought they looked AWESOME! Thanks for the discount tip. I think we’ll go the one in La Jolla in November b/c it’s right after our anniversary and close to home. :) thanks again

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  13. Theresa C says

    Wow, how amazingly timely this is. This came to my inbox on the 12th. I didn’t read it until today the 14th. Yesterday, I had a fight w/my husband and was VERY angry w/him. A sister in the Lord called me because she had something for me. I went over to pick it up and she spoke those very same words to me. “Your husband is not your enemy!” You have reinforced that to me today as well. The Lord knows I need to hear this. My husband and I have been married for 9 yrs next month. I was saved 2 years ago, he has yet to be. I’m not allowed to talk to him about it either. The enemy is blinding his heart and he becomes angry. But, me and my household shall be saved! Acts 16:31 I also like to stand on 1Peter 3:1, because he needs to be won over w/out me saying a word. God is faithful. Through you Laura and many beautiful believing friends the Lord has given me, HE reminds me HE is in control. My prayers are being heard. So I will joyfully serve my husband as his help meet thus, sanctifying our marriage! Thank you Jesus for Your sweet mercy when I fall flat on face! And thank you too Laura for all your help meet posts :)

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  14. bill says

    will all that reads this please pray for me and my wife. we have been together know for 12 years have 3 wonderful kids. but i feel that we are drifting further apart. my wife and i dont fight often but we do we dont speak for for a long time its been a week as of this point.my wife and i are both christians but it seems that when we have a disagrements . the devil mores in and we can not comunicate with each other . and know it is so easy for my wife not to talk or be around me and i am really sad inside because i really dont feel that we can ever get back to where we were when we first met . sometime i feel that we will always have problems because how we met and that when we did meet i was married and left my wife then for the woman iam with know . and i belieave that we are paying for what we did wrong in gods eyes. i just want to be happy

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    Laura Reply:

    We’ll be praying for you. Your marriage CAN improve – God is so good and is always faithful. Let Him help you. You can begin to make changes to become closer to your wife, to meet her needs, to show her that you cherish her. You may want to read through this set of posts that my husband and I are writing together for some encouragement: http://heavenlyhomemakers.com/category/marriage-tips-a-to-z

    God bless you as you strive to save your marriage and work to make it wonderful!

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  15. bill says

    sorry about the spelling i just relized that last thing i wrote my spelling is pretty bad . its late and i was never very good at spelling. and yes i did complete high school.

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  16. Confused says

    My wife is always against me. Her entire family is anti-spouse. They are all so ungrateful for their spouses. They are all divorced. What am I to do? She has turned to the dark side and like the rest of her family, blames the spouse.

    Has something happened in our country to cause women to be husband haters?

    I am broken over this.

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    Laura Reply:

    I wish I had an easy answer for you and that more women understood that their role is to stand by their man no matter what. Praying for your marriage.

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  17. Nicole B. says

    Just remember that God already defeated Satan ages ago. He is under our feet now. All you have to do is resist and he will flee from you. When he starts messing with you or your family just believe God’s word where it says that he will flee and tell him to go. Just believing God’s Word is all you need.
    If people spent more time reading and meditating on the Bible and less time worrying about food and clothing, Matthew 6:25-34, then we would all be in a much more Christ like, on the outside, place and the world would be brighter. You have to put God first, Matthew 6:33. You do not have to pray for hours a day, you do not have to fast all the time, just SLOWLY read every word of the bible, preferably a KJV, and pay no attention to the verse numbers and chapters ending because those were not there in the original texts. Just keep reading. Make time for God’s Word because the Word of God is God. John 1:1.

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