Will All of the Real Moms Please Stand Up?

Will All of the Real Moms Please Stand Up

Why? Why do we do it to ourselves?

We’re all just moms.

Why do we think (even though we know better) that all the other moms have everything under control, all of the time?  Why do we see messes in our own homes and feel badly because the other moms surely never have messes like the ones we have?  Or at least not as often as we do?  Why do we sometimes feel like a failure when our kids don’t obey…again?

Why do we sometimes feel like we aren’t doing a good enough job?  Why do we think that our kids are the only ones who throw fits?

Why does it seem like my children are the only ones who haven’t learned to put their games away before they get out another toy to play with?

Haven’t I trained them well enough?  Haven’t I told them the same things over and over again?

Do any of these thoughts go through your head when you and your kids are having a bad day?  Do you tend to assume that your kids are the only ones that (fill in the blank)?

I’m here to tell you that there are many times that:

  • My kids don’t obey me the first time.
  • My floor has toys all over the place (mixed in with dirt and dust bunnies).
  • My kids have boogers on the end their fingers and they just don’t seem to know what to do with them.
  • Nobody can find matching and/or clean socks.
  • My kids would rather not change their clothes.
  • My kids want to argue with me.
  • My kids fight with each other.
  • No one (but me) can see the junk under the dresser that needs to be picked up.
  • My bathrooms smell like pee.  (C’mon boys…learn to aim already.)

When those things happen, I can second guess myself and the fact that I really am doing a good job with this mothering/homemaking thing God has called me to do.

I can feel like I’m failing at the most important job I’ve been given, second to being my husband’s help meet, but of course sometimes I’m really struggling with that one too.

And I feel like everyone else must be doing a much better job than I am.

And that surely none of the other Christian wives and mothers out there feel this way.  Because the other Christian wives and mothers surely never get frustrated or behind on their work or overwhelmed.  Because the other Christian wives and mothers are all more organized than I am and probably pray more than I do and train their kids better than I do and have a meek and quiet spirit and always have a gentle answer for their precious little ones.

Yeah…it’s all a lie.

A big fat juicy lie (with a booger on top).

We are not alone.

Our job is a work in progress.  Continually.  All the time.  Forever and ever amen.

The training and the loving and the nurturing and the cleaning and the crying and the praying…it’s continual.

We train and we work and we pray and we just keep doing it.  Day after day.

Guess what Moms?  That’s what ALL of us are doing.  Day after day.

Training children to be like Jesus is the hardest job on this earth.  Training them to be like Jesus in the middle of trying to grow to be like Jesus ourselves….

Yeah, Satan doesn’t like that very much.

That’s why he makes it so hard.  He doesn’t want to us to succeed.

And he really wants you to think that you are the only one who is struggling.

So, if you are a real mom – the kind that has imperfect children and an imperfect home?  The kind that is working really, really hard to train your children to be like Jesus.  The kind that has a hard time keeping up with every single thing that needs to be done every single day.  The kind that is  plugging away and striving to be Godly, but not quite reaching perfection.

The kind of mom that relies continually on the grace of God and on His loving mercy.

Won’t you please join me in acknowledging this battle we’re in together?

I’d love it if all us real moms would please leave a comment here on this post.  Even if all you do is sign your name.  Or simply say, “Yes, I’m a real mom.”

Or, if you’re really feeling brave – go ahead and tell us about your latest parenting/homemaking struggle.  Because we’ve all been there done that (or if we haven’t yet…we probably will tomorrow).

And then the next time any real mom out there is having a bad day or needs a little reassurance -

She can come here to this post and be reminded by the list of all of us other real moms that she is a part of a community of other women doing many of the same things she is doing everyday.  And struggling with many of the same things she is struggling with day after day….

And we’ll all know that we are not alone.

From one real mom to another…Thank You.

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Comments

  1. Priscilla F. says

    Oh how I loved this post!!! I came across your blog about a week ago, and it’s become my favorite. I have great visions of being that “perfect” homeschool mom, the health conscious “nourishing traditions” kind of cook, with an orderly home thrown in for good measure, and time for my dh that doesn’t happen when the day is well over and we’re both exhausted. As I type this (with one hand while holding my sleeping/nursing, has pinkeye, baby) I could nearly despair… but for God’s grace, and the wonderful honesty/transparency of you and the other women who’ve taken time to comment. My two kidlets aren’t homeschool age yet, and I’m not sure how on earth I’ll keep up when that time comes, considering the struggle now. And having come from a large family, I’d always had the grand idea I’d be happy with however many children God chose to give me. Seriously?! I struggle every. single. day. to be patient with my 2 yr old, not yelling at him, attempting to be consistant in discipline, which can be soooo tough and annoying when you have a sleeping/nursing baby in your arms! Any how, I realize I’m at the beginning of the road in the mothering journey, and deep in my heart I wouldn’t want it any other way, but ohhh there are days, when I’m brought to my knees and reminded I’m a real mom, who can only do it with the help of a real God. Thanks for your blog. As a born and raised in NE girl, I got a huge laugh out of the Fuddruckers story, having eaten there several times. Blessings to you and yours.

    [Reply]

    Priscilla F. Reply:

    P.S. When I was growing up, my parents must’ve gotten tired of the
    lack of “aim” on my 6 brothers part when it came to bathroom habits…
    somewhere they rounded up a set of stickers, which looked like a target,
    which when strategically placed in the toilet, helped out GREATLY. One
    time a young girl from a visiting family (of girls only) said to me “you
    got your toilet at Target, didn’t you!” I just smiled, and thought to
    myself, honey, if you had a brother or two you’d understand!!!

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    Devan Reply:

    What a great idea!I have 3 little boys and now I’m on the hunt for target stickers!:)

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    KristyM Reply:

    http://pottytarget.com/faqs.aspx

    Here you go!

  2. Dana says

    This is great. You have no idea how much I needed to hear this. I struggle with this. Facebook and all the Mom blogs that portray perfection do not help. It is refreshing to know I’m not the only one struggling.

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  3. julie says

    Thank you! I followed a link from Publix Penny Pincher- the timing couldn’t have been better for my soul. Thanks for the validation- my bathroom smells like pee, we left story time at the library early because my son couldn’t manage himself….so glad I’m not alone!

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  4. says

    I want to thank you for this post. I feel like we constantly put on our nice clothes and pretty our lives up for those who are looking in and that can be so discouraging to all of us who struggle. I hate feeling like I am the only one who has yelled a little to much or loud at my children, that I just can’t seem to get things together enough to even get the dishes done and who hides the laundry in the closets. We all fall short of the Glory of God, but He is all we need to be glorified! I am a REAL Mom. Thank You.
    PS. with three little boys My bathroom smells like pee also!

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  5. Tahlor says

    I AM A REAL MOM! Your webste has been such a blessing to me!! My husband is a Marine and we have a 2 year old little boy and a newborn daughter and I had been looking for ways to cut out the junk in our dieT. But showering is an accomplishment some days so I didnt think it was possible to have the time to do it and you have made that possible for me!!! THANK YOU!!!

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  6. Katherine says

    Thank you for this post!!!! I belly-laughed for the first time this week when you said, “Our job is a work in progress. Continually. All the time. Forever and ever amen.” AMEN!!!
    I have girls, so I feel a bit left out regarding the pee in the bathroom, but I do have problems with the booger on the end of the finger not having a place to go. I must say, “Do you need a TISSUE???” a million times a day. Oh well, I suppose they will stop before they get to marriage age (hee,hee). Love your blog, you are a beautiful sister in the Lord- Thank you!

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  7. Samantha says

    I have to say I have been reading your blog for over a year now, and I always come back to the post when I am having a bad day. =] My husband laughs because I actually have it printed and taped in my journal to remember I do not need to be that “white picket fence mom” with an always happy 2 year old.. Thats not us, plus what fun would it be not running around chasing her with tissues??!! =] Thank you for this =]

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  8. Lyndsay says

    I am a real mom. Who has 4 boys and a bathroom that smells like pee. Because boys don’t aim. And I am behind on laundry. And you can barely walk through my living room right now. But I know that my kids just ate a healthy meal I fixed, are clean (kind of, it is summer after all!) and are loved. I sometimes have to remind myself, and sometimes my husband reminds me too. I work hard to be a good mom. And when my boys are older, they won’t remember the mess, but that I quit loading the dishwasher because they needed one more person for the backyard baseball game.

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    Sunny Reply:

    Aw, I loved this post. As a new Mom of a 6.5 month old I am also trying to keep up with life, cook from scratch, garden, raise chickens, cloth diaper, get by on one income, AND have fun. I hope to be the type of Mom that can deal with a not-so-clean house and get out in the yard with my kid(s) and PLAY! Because you are right, they will not remember the dirty dishes but WILL remember those times you spent playing, teaching them the fun things and being the extra person needed for a baseball game :) My Mom never did that with us, she always seemed stressed and I dont want to be like that with my kids. I want to have fun with them!

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  9. geet says

    hello im so glad i viited ur blog laura,cheers to u n all the real moms out there!its true that parenting is continual n forever n ever,n the best part is,none of us would have it any other way!some days r exhausting n some never seem to end, but my kids r just the first thing i think of ,the moment i wake!n there r days when i feel guilty for not remembering to go down on my knees n thank god for my wonderful children first thing in the morning……(by the way,ill likely feel less ashamed of *that* smell from the bathroom after reading ur blog!)

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  10. Julie says

    Thank you for this post! I question myself every day and I’m so glad I’m not the only one! Thank you for sharing.

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  11. Stephanie says

    That’s my life with 4 daughters and a hubby. We’re always cleaning something, and it’s never done. and at the moment, it’s particularly bad. :) oh well, school starts next week and I’ll have two of them at school. so maybe i can find the house again under all the mess.
    in the meantime, the gals are driving me crazy playing all over the house, just being kids. :)
    I’m constantly reminding myself that that’s what they’re supposed to be doing and to let them have at it. :)
    anyway, thanks for the post. i needed the reminder again.

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  12. Sheri says

    Just this morning as I am trying to make healthy homemade granola and fresh baked cookies, feeling good about my Susie Homemaker awesomeness and my kids who are working on a project in the yard…the 4 year old steals a brush from the 5 year old who then smacks the 4 year old claiming she had a bug on her! Then she steals something from the 11 year old who drags her by the arm and pops her which she returns by busting his lip with a piece of brick! We went from Mommy Bliss to screaming chaos in 6.2 seconds! Have I not taught them better than this?!?! Oh, and my kitchen floor looks like it hasn’t been mopped in a month, the cobwebs in my corners are giving birth to dust bunnies and I’m not sure when I last showered (does a swim count?). Yes, I AM A MOM! And perfection IS a big fat lie with a booger on top! : )

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    Niki Reply:

    That literally made me laugh out loud!!! It brings me great comfort,however.

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    Mellie Reply:

    Thanks for the laugh…and encouragement.

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  13. Mel says

    God led me to this post today. He does answer prayers. I have been feeling very, very overwhelmed lately especially this evening as I was making my fresh butter and soaking grains for tortillas and pancakes, and washing dishes, and picking up after a 2 yr old tornado etc etc etc. I just constantly feel this stress weighing down on me and I prayed for some relief b/c I feel like the stress is making me a not very good mom. And reading this post is just what I needed right now. I’m bookmarking it, and will read it everytime I need a little reality check. Thank you.

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    C Dazey Reply:

    As a mom of five little ones, I would encourage you to just “let it go” sometimes. I too try to make all the meals from scratch, homeschool, help at church, etc. However, the truth is that sometimes we have to pick up McDonald’s because we didn’t get home from church until 9:30, or the children where sick, and I was cleaning up the mess all day. My point is, as important as eating healthy is, being stressed too much about it (or exhausting yourself regularly with it) is just as bad for your body as poor eating habits. Talk to God and your husband about what is really important, and then let the rest go. Do the best that you can with the healthy eating habits, and then as your little one(s) grow, and you find you have a few extra minutes, add another healthy habit. And, maybe most importantly, remember that God gives us everything we need to get through each day.

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  14. Racheal says

    Thank you for being so transparent! I laughed so hard when I read the part about the bathroom smelling like pee..(I have boys too) I have always had this idea in my brain that I needed to strive to be June Cleaver,or the Proverbs 31 wife… its refreshing to hear another mom be REAL! Thanks

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  15. Allison says

    I am definitely a REAL mom! I struggle every day with feeling of failure because I want to be so good for my family!! I want to have all the healthy yummy organic food even though money is tight! I want to train my children to obey and to learn scripture or even learn colors for Pete’s sake! I want to get my one year old to SLEEP! But every day I struggle, and have to remind myself that God is not done with me… and that I just have to keep fighting and keep learning and struggling and trusting Him to transform my life! Lord help me! God is so graceful!! Its a good thing these kids belong to HIM, because sometimes thats the only thing that comforts me!

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  16. Kathy De Ring says

    I am a real mom on the other side of mothering little ones, and I can assure you from experience that none of you is alone, and you are doing the most important work on this earth. There will come a very quiet day when you can catch up on your dusting, mopping, and laundry! Be patient with yourselves and enjoy your sweet babies…this time is all too short. I now have a 17 month old grandson, and I am blessed to be able to share this precious time with my daughter, watching her do her mothering.

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  17. says

    My husband is constantly reminding me that the ideas I have about others are not true and that everyone has a messy house and struggles with there children. I just had a friend over today and she said, “What do I smell when I walked in?” I said “Good or Bad”, she said “Not good”, I listed off the possibilities, dog pees on the floor, trash can lid won’t stay on, poopy diapers in the bathroom. So I guess were all part of the club, we just don’t know it! :D I am a real mom! & Just recently I overflowed our bathtub! So it happens! Great Job everyone, keep up the good work! Even when it doesn’t feel like it!

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    Lorie Reply:

    Thank you so much for making me laugh so hard I cried, as I sit here scolding the dog for stealing a peice of pizza off my plate. My daughter just turned 19 and recently moved out so now it’s just me and the hubby along with the 2 dogs and cat (I think. She stays hidden most of the time.) Yes, I am a real mom who has often felt like a failure as I remember having to pick my daughter up at the police station for underage drinking, and then having to rememeber that, again, she has recently moved out. Then I am also like Kathy, who posted above that she is on the other side of mothering, as I help my step son to raise his own son from time to time. My bathroom often smells like pee (the men in our lives just can’t aim), my floors need mopping, training the new puppy is a chore I would love to give over to her owner and I love every minute of it. To all you mommas out there: keep up the good work!!

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  18. Michelle says

    Amen to this post! You are a neat lady and are doing the best you can-which is what the Lord asks of us. I look around at all the kids around me who are raised by video games and the internet. It sometimes frightens me for the future but all I can do is keep plugging along and trying to teach my kids how to choose the right and follow our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

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  19. Joann Thomas says

    And sometimes all you can do is thank God that you have healthy children and turn them over to Him for the day. We are real moms, who sometimes need a break – mentally, physically and spiritually. I used to wish I could put them all in a closet for a few hours, or be able to close the drawer on them and just get SOME peace and quiet. Eventually they DO grow up and surprise you with the wonderful things they do and when you ask where did you learn that, the most surprising thing they say is “from you”. Then you know you’ve done your job well, but in the meantime, sometimes it is hard to see the forest for the trees. You all hang in there, moms, it does get better.

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  20. Leigh says

    Thank you. Thank you. Thank you! I really needed this this week (first week back to homeschool). When women are real with each other, Satan is thwarted.

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  21. says

    I have 11 children. Six are adults and are no longer at home. I have a 16 yo son and then I have a band of “little ones”. Torin (8yo son), Emily (7 yo daughter), Kalen(4 yo son) and Sarah (22 month old daughter). I am 44 yo. You can say I have started over. My little boys squeal with delight when they miss the toilet and splash 50 gallons of water out of the tub! I am usually either on the verge of tears, ready to scream my head off or I just walk away and tell my husband “You deal with your boys.”! BUT….it seems that boys are just different and what they do is apparently “normal”? So as my husband takes command and I walk away to cool off, I try to see the special-ness in the differences in boys and girls. And try to Thank God for giving me these rambunctuous little boys and these sweet dear little girls to train up and to ENJOY! Be advised ladies that have yet to begin homeschooling, boys have very little ability to sit still and do school. Read Dr. Dobson’s “Bringing up Boys”, this helped me tremendously! Blessings to all who have little ones, and yes my house is a mess 16 hours out of the day, too!

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    Sara K. Reply:

    I just found this blog today (through a friend) — and I’m so blessed by it! I have two little boys (6 and almost 4) and my life is… well… busy. Anyone who has “typical” boys knows what I mean! :) I struggle at times with anger, tiredness, selfishness, etc. I see clearly that, not only is God using me to train my boys to be like Jesus, He is using my boys to make ME more like Jesus!!

    Angel, I appreciated your comment about “seeing the special-ness in the differences in boys and girls” — even though I don’t have girls, sometimes I catch myself comparing my rambunctuous boys to other moms’ tame, sweet little girls. Well, God did make them to be BOYS, didn’t He! (And I’m finally accepting that truth!) Oh, and regarding homeschooling rambunctuous boys, I find that’s just another great reason to homeschool. :)

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  22. Julie says

    Thank you for the encouragement. I’ve been struggling with all those thoughts lately as I’m trying to cook and bake in a more healthy way and the youngest just started walking and my 3yr has been especially defiant in addition to many potty misses… the thought of homesschool starting soon with my 5 and soon to be 7yr olds pretty much leaves me in tears. Knowing I’m not alone is such an encouragement!

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  23. says

    wow…i too have a bathroom that smells like pee (yes, two boys) and a daughter, who really is a good kid, but the continual fighting ahhh; seems they know what buttons to push everytime even when i pray to have more strength! lol but after reading this….i love my kids just the way they are…i love the toys lying all over the house and under rugs..and i even love my dust bunnies!

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  24. Chelsea Seibert says

    I just found this. I have a couple of very good friends that I work together with to live in reality, But I really needed this this morning! God Bless!

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  25. Pam Haynes says

    I am a sinner saved by grace, and a real mom. There are soon be nine of us in this house: husband, 9 yr. old son, 7 yr. old triplet sons (whom we home-school. Once paperwork is complete we will foster-to-adopt a 15 yr. old daughter, 13 yr. old son, 11 yr. old daughter. My husband is gone for the weekend and a dear sister in Christ offered to have the kids today so I have a day to myself. I turn 39 years old tomorrow which should be cause to celebrate, and yet I have battled with fretting over the messy house rather than sitting at the Lord’s feet. Thank you for encouraging me today. May God’s blessings rain down on you, may your children rise up and call you blessed, may your husband say you excel above all other women and may one day when you meet our Lord and Savior He will say to you,”Well done my good and faithful servant.”

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  26. Jessi says

    Thank you so much for your blog site. This post couldn’t be any closer to the truth for me. I so needed to read this today. I have been really struggling with myself and my ability to be a good wife and mother. And yes, I am a REAL MOM!

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  27. says

    I am a real mom, now add a working mom onto that. Oh yeah and a home school mom who works outside the home full time. Often I feel like the lady who arranges things more than a mom. You are so blessed to be a stay at home mom! My goal is that!

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  28. says

    I came over here from Body and Soul and saw this post. I laughed so hard. I’m a real mom. I have four kiddos one 15(almost 16) yr old daughter who came to me at 9:30tonight to give me clothes to wash for tomorrow. I told her no. She sat on the couch all afternoon and didn’t think of her laundry but I could do it for her tonight. I don’t think so…learn to be responsible.
    Earlier, I told the other boys computer time was over. The youngest(6) complained of the unfairness, he didn’t have as long a turn as his brother… I told him I loved the other brother more and that’s why I made him get off… He looked at me and said ” But, I’m adorable.” Maybe I’ll be a better mom tomorrow.

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  29. says

    Another REAL MOM checking in!
    At the moment my struggle is keeping my little ADHD guy focused on finishing his homework. LOL
    So thankful God’s mercies are new every day, and His grace is enough!
    Thanks for your encouragement to be REAL.

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  30. Rachel says

    This is so perfect. YES, I am a real mom through and through, struggling with a one-month old and a toddler (who is in a yelling phase, where his favorite thing to do is SHOUT) and a house that never stays clean. My life and my kids can be a total mess sometimes, it’s what makes me human! Big hugs to all the real mommies out there, we can do this!

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  31. Karen Z. says

    I see this post is a couple of years old… not the message will ever wear out! Thanks for sharing. It always means a lot to me when other moms are real. I have 5 kids under the age of 4 (two sets of twins and one in between), and honestly, there are days when I wonder if it really is even possible to manage everything! I always say to my husband: “It wouldn’t matter if there were 27 hours in the day, it still wouldn’t be enough.” I’m getting over the “dying of embarassment if my floor isn’t washed when the neighbour drops by” phase. Mostly because it’s just not possible to have everything done all the time. I’m learning to let go, although I DO believe it’s important to be a good example to our children by maintaining housework and other daily chores well. The key is finding the balance. God is teaching me patience, love, kindness, self-control… and above all, to TRUST Him in every situation. Thanks again for sharing.

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  32. says

    Thank you for posting about REAL moms…it is impossible to get everything done. There will always be a mess. I’m trying to teach my husband this right now – it can never be perfect. It’s great to know there are so many others fighting the same battles of dishes and laundry while trying to keep their monkeys from climbing the furniture. How can anyone cook a proper meal with the crazy going on?! I thank God for my husband and the fact that he plays with my son while I make dinner each night…I can’t imagine how I’d do it without him. I thank God for my son, who teaches me so much about what is important instead of urgent. I couldn’t do this without either of them.

    Thank you for sharing everyone!

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  33. Sarah says

    I, too, am a real mom. I have a 3-month-old who screams if set down for 5 seconds when I need to pee, and who has only gotten three baths in his whole life because we’re that behind on the dishes, and we’re still unpacking boxes from the move that his birth interrupted…Though it’s only our bedroom trash that smells of pee so far.
    I was never any good at keeping house before he was born, so why do I worry so much about it now?

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  34. Paula L. says

    Last year i found this blog. I am glad to say that things are changing a little since the last post here. Unsubscribing from FaceBook is a big help. Meeting Laura the Heavenly Homemaker aka real mom has been a tremendous encouragement in my life. She doesn’t make you feel tense like you have to have it all together and makes you smile at your mistakes. GOD bless you, Laura! Even though i still haven’t made those simple easy burritos!!!

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  35. Helen says

    Hi, I’m a home schooling mum of 4 boys in the UK and I love your site! This post so so what I needed to read today and I do wish my boys could aim better too!

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  36. Carma says

    Last week, my friend confided in me that, even though it was late at night, and her kids were in bed, she was going to go vacuum her house, “because sometimes, it just can’t wait any longer.” She told me that she could count the number of times she had dusted her house on one hand. She is a mom I have always looked up to. And I find it so comforting that I’m not the only one who struggles to keep things tidy. I’m always a day behind on dishes. Every day I look at the rug and say how much it needs vacuuming. And my nemesis–that perpetual question “What’s for dinner?”

    My name is Carma, and I am a real mom.

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  37. April says

    My struggle is finding a loving and godly way of explaining puberty and sex to my oldest son (eleven & a 1/2 and interested CLEARLY in girls) without dying of embarassment…. And as I look at the above comment I’m realizing that being distracted w/ cleaning the house today, I forgot to take out something for dinner… so now I have to figure out.. WHAT IS FOR DINNER LOL

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