The Importance of Modesty


What does being modest have to do with being a good help meet to your husband? I personally think it has a lot to do with it. What’s mine is my husband’s, and not anyone else’s …and I’m not talking about bills and laundry duty…if you know what I mean.

It pains me to see women showing too much of anything anywhere at any time. I believe sometimes women (and girls) dress inappropriately without really knowing that they are…and I think that sometimes they know full well what they are doing and they feel like it is the MAN’S problem. Sure, a man has the responsibility to be godly and not gawk, but FOR REAL…if you put a rich piece of fudgy chocolate in front of my face and tell me that it’s not mine so I have no business looking at it…I’m going to do my best to have a conversation with you while you’re eating the chocolate, but you’re going to make life a little bit difficult for me. 

I’m growing more and more aware of this issue as my sons get older. How dare women and teens make my job as a parent and my son’s growing up challenges more difficult than they already are? I’m working hard to show my sons what true femininity and godly womanhood are. Please don’t cause my sons to struggle.  We’re trying to prepare them to be true to each of their wives some day.

I wish I was just addressing a worldly problem here. It makes sense to me when women “of the world” dress immodestly. They don’t know the Truth and it makes me hurt for them. But in all my years of being a part of the Christian community, I’ve recognized that our admonition to “dress modestly” is not very clearly defined. It has become very clear to me that there are many different ideas about what it means to be modest. And I see that even in the Christian community, modesty isn’t very well understood.

I run the risk of stepping on some toes with this post, which of course is not my intent.  My purpose for writing this post is to encourage all of us to think carefully about what we wear, about how it looks to others and about how it effects our marriage. As Christian women, we should have a heart that desires to build up others and draw them closer to Christ.  If what you’re wearing doesn’t do that…throw it away. It’s that important. 

Don’t worry, you’ll find another favorite sweater. I promise there are cute, trendy clothes out there to be found that ARE modest. To think that “this is just what everyone is wearing these days so I can’t really find anything else” is a big lie from Satan. Don’t believe it.

To me, being modest means that you respect what belongs to your husband, or if you’re not married yet, you respect what belongs to your future husband.  If you’re married, there are some very appropriate (and FUN!) times to dress in skimpy, lacy, alluring clothes…so by all means…go for it…when you and your husband are alone. God has a purpose for a man being attracted to a woman’s body, and hello married women…this is it! Enjoy it!

But do you really want someone else to see what is your husband’s…even just a little bit? I big fat don’t. It sickens me to think of another man seeing or thinking about me as anything but as a Christian sister. Why would I dress in a way that causes a man to do exactly what I don’t want him to do?

Be cute, look attractive, smile sweetly…and dress modestly. Men everywhere (and mothers of boys!) will appreciate this so much. And so will your husband. The end.


Hello Friends. In an effort to keep my Heavenly Homemakers site a friendly and loving place, I am now turning off the comments on this post. There has been just a little bit too much chatting going on in the comments section that hasn’t been edifying and just as I wouldn’t invite that kind of talk in my living room, I don’t welcome it on my blog. I prayed over and worked very hard to word my post in such a way that would encourage us as women to honor and respect our husbands by dressing modestly. I didn’t tell you what to wear, I simply wanted to encourage us all that modesty is an important part of being a good help meet to our husbands.

I’m going to go with the assumption that you all mean to say what you’re saying in love, but some of the comments and arguments shared as you “talk amongst yourselves” are starting to make my head (and my heart) hurt.

We all have different opinions about what modesty is and as long as you feel like you are dressing in a way that honors God and your husband, you’re doing a great job. Follow where you feel God is leading you on this issue and do so with a loving heart.

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  1. says

    God Bless you…. I think we are so afraid of stepping on toes and hurting feelings that we shy away from these issues. My rule of thumb – bend over in front of a mirror if you can see anything – adding a tank top it is, then turn around and bend over again – if you can see anything change the skirt. It’s not that hard. We by no means should walk around looking like Amish (I know we dont run the risk of offending them on here!). But come on….. it’s not that hard to dress appropriately, just takes a little bit of extra effort and maybe an extra layer of a tank top under that shirt. :)

    Jill Reply:

    Hi Jessica;
    Funny you would make the comment about Amish. I also like your check
    test to see if something is not modest. If you saw me you would think
    I am Amish or Mennonite which I am neither. God convicted me to
    reject the American standard for clothing so I little by little got
    rid of my clothes and replaced them with long dresses, some even cape
    dresses and I have to say I LOVE THEM. It feels so feminine and there
    is no chance anyone will see anything period. I look more like little
    house on the Prairie but I now I look like a woman and have everything
    covered. I know I am not the only one. Our culture is all about sex
    and the clothing can reflect that. My husband once was preaching and
    a woman came and sat on the very front pew with a mini skirt on and no
    underwear! Anyway, just thought I would share. BTW I was not the least
    bit offended so no worries! lol

    Jessica Bish Reply:

    ok whew… :) Believe me I wear my long skirts and dresses as well – I was just trying to make light of the situation so I hope that was ok. :) Our pastor often talks about how hard it is for him to concentrate on his preaching when there is so much clevage in his face. So sad. Blessings to you!

  2. says

    I couldn’t agree more. You know what really frosts my cookies? Young Christian women getting married in dresses that show off their assets. Save it for the honeymoon, darlin’! I’ll never forget when I got married in a modest wedding gown and my husband thanked me for saving it all for him! So I still try to dress with that in mind.

  3. says

    I will never forget how horrified my husband was that many of our female coworkers at the Christian school we taught at would regularly show cleavage. It’s like, HELLO, high school boys everywhere! I am sad to say, though, that I learned this lesson only around the time of my engagement and marriage. Bad self-esteem can often cause a girl to dress inappropriately, but that sort of negative self-image comes from the devil too. Anyways, great post, glad you weren’t afraid to address the issue.

  4. jerilyn says

    I definitely agree. I personally could wear a coat year around as I prefer almost all of my skin covered up (except I can’t stand turtlenecks on my neck, ironic, I know)… Carolyn Mahaney has a good “modesty check” to help pick our modest clothing, but I can’t remember if I found it on their blog or in a book (not sure which of their books it would be…)

    jerilyn Reply:

    found it! it’s linked in this post:

  5. Stacy says

    Thank you for addressing such a difficult topic with truth and honesty. Unfortunately, it is a message that needs to be heard by many women.

  6. says

    This has been a issue that keeps crossing my path lately. Maybe someones trying to tell me something! I tried expressing to my husband that I want to dress more modestly in skirts and explained why. He got real quiet and we didn’t seem to ever finish the conversation. My take is that he fears I won’t be the same girl he married. He is a very supportive guy so I’m torn as I feel I’m alone on this decision. Not really sure how to begin more modest dressing and still please my husband. We have a 9 month old girl that I would like to guide in the right direction from the get go. Anyway, Great post!

    Jessica BIsh Reply:

    Hugs! It is a hard thing to begin – but take some steps. Just add a tank top under any revealing shirts. It’s still the same top just more is covered. Buy stock in black, white and gray! ha. I think this is a very easy way to cover anything up that shouldnt be showing. :) Praying for you.

    Lori Reply:

    I would say that my idea of dressing modestly but also dressing for my husband and not looking like a frumpy mom in a potato sack is trying to look beautiful but not sexy. I have a lot of pretty lingerie for the sexy part and it stays in my bedroom only. But it is easy to look beautiful and still be covered. Skirts can make you feel so pretty :) Also having a tank under your tops is very comfortable and you don’t have to constantly worry if you have to bend over in public. Also sometimes you have to be careful with flowy skirts. Wind and sunshine can make even a very modest outfit immodest if you don’t have the right underclothes on :). If in doubt put a slip on. BTW I think one of the best ways to look beautiful is to do your makeup and your hair everyday.

    Holly in Virginia Reply:

    I think maybe he is worried that you are going to look “frumpy” or
    “weird”. Our appearances do reflect on our husbands. I know my husband
    likes it when I dress nicely and do my hair before we go out, even just
    to run errands. Maybe you can start slowly changing how you dress, if
    you want to start wearing skirts and are like me and just a blue jeans
    kind of girl, a skirt like this:
    with your normal tops won’t change your style much and he might like it.
    Especially if you wear graphic tees and cute sneakers, like Converse
    with the low cut socks. Very cute, very hip.

  7. lisa says

    My daughter was part of a group called Pure Fashion which teaches teen girls how to dress fashionably but modestly. They take clothes from the rack and modify (a tank under a low cut blouse for instance). It’s in many cities across the US and they always put on a fabulous fashion show.

    Many blessings, Lisa

  8. Cassandra says

    Great post! And I would like to add to the checking process: If you sit down and something is showing from behind, then you need higher cut pants or a longer shirt! That’s one that catches me off guard all the time, I see young girls and teens wearing such low cut jeans that when they sit down I can see a LOT of their underwear! (Or lack thereof) And btw, church is ESPECIALLY not the place for women and ladies to be showing off their assets, that really bakes my cake. Dressing up doesn’t mean dressing immodestly. You can look beautiful and stylish in any clothing, it’s your spirit that will shine through, and Christ’s as well!

  9. Robyn O. says

    Amen! About 4 years ago, we had a great (Christian) babysitter who dressed in skimpy clothes and it sort of bothered me, but I didn’t really give it much thought at the time until my 6 yr old (son) asked why he could always see her “bra”. That’s not all that he could see…from across the room. I had a friendly talk with her mother about it and her mom’s thinking was, “you’re only young once” and “if you’ve got it, flaunt it”. Thankfully, my husband was the one who decided we would find another babysitter. We still haven’t found anyone as good as she was, but the ones we have now are all fully clothed, which puts my mind at rest, especially as my son head into his “tween” years and my daughter is becoming very aware of clothes and fashion.

    I’m sorry to make this so long, but thought I’d share one more thought on this subject. I have a good (Christian) friend who lost quite a bit of weight and started dressing skimpily–clothes she wasn’t able to comfortably wear before. The subject came up one day and she mentioned that her husband liked to see her in those type of clothes. Before I could stop myself, I asked if her husband liked everybody else’s husband to see her in those type of clothes. Needless to say, there was an awkward pause in the conversation. We had a little discussion about it and I was happy to see that the next time I saw her, she was dressed more modestly. I honestly don’t think she (or her husband) had considered that anyone else was noticing what she was wearing. Too bad that isn’t always the case! Great post!

  10. says

    I can’t take my kids to the mall anymore! Victoria’s secrets has ladies in their undies all blown up on the windows. We walked by a few weeks ago and my son (3) said, “mama, that woman is in her underwear!” My daughter (5) said, “don’t they know children come here!” Know what store is right next door? Claire’s… where they sell jewelry to young children. nice.

    This week we went back out there avoiding that wing. We went to the children’s play area. Spencer gifts is right across from it. They have out their scandalous valentines attire right out in front. gross. This is not what I want my children seeing.

  11. says

    YES! Thanks for addressing a topic that seems so taboo in the Christian community. I agree with all you said. More women need to blog about this issue!

  12. says

    Hooray! Somebody needs to be saying this! This topic is not addressed often enough, and when it is, it seems that it’s very general … modesty is not well-defined. Sure we know we’re supposed to be modest, but what does that look like?
    I am a 20 year old, unmarried young lady, who feels very strongly about this! I’ve worn dresses or skirts for basically as long as I can remember. I’m not saying that jean-wearing ladies are in sin (far from it … I have dear friends who wear pants), but I guess I have to look at the pros and cons. It seems like pants just reveal things that aren’t supposed to be revealed! And what can you not do in a skirt, that can be done in pants? There are three things that I can think of … some work-out programs, swimming, and horseback riding! I feel so much more comfortable and modest in a skirt than I would in pants, and I can do anything. If I’m engaging in an activity that there is a danger of my skirt coming up and showing stuff, then I wear pants under. Again, this IS NOT to judge or condemn those who do wear pants … I’m just wanting to offer some food for thought :)

    I read this article years ago in a newsletter, and it was written by “a brother in Christ”. There was no name signed, and I can’t blame him! Anyway, I found it online, so if anyone wants to hear things from a man’s perspective, you might want to check it out: It is long, and I don’t necessarily agree with everything, but it is definitely worth the read.

  13. Jennifer says

    AMEN!!! I am a mom of 4 boys and the wife to an amazing man, I cannot agree more with you!! My husband likes to say “I don’t share well”. I don’t want to share that part of me with anyone else either!! I hate watching my boys as they get older struggle with this issue. Thank you for this post!!

  14. Kathy says

    My husband and I have had this conversation numerous times, and it’s only since we’ve been married that I understood the burden that this issue puts on men and boys. We don’t watch tv because of the garbage that it brings into our home. We do have a tv and a dvd player, so we can choose the visuals that we allow. When I’m at someone else’s house and see what passes for entertainment, I’m saddened. Not to mention the commercials…

    And I agree about the mall– when we were dating, my husband informed me that he avoids going there; that brought the risks to my attention for sure. Definitely not the place for eager eyes of any age!

    Thank you, Laura, for writing this plainly and sensitively. I’ll say what many have said: I couldn’t agree more!

  15. Eckmama says

    LOVED this post, and wanted to add as a mother of two boys and two girls–first that WOW it is hard to keep those images away from my sons. I hate it. And WOW is is hard to keep those images away from my daughters. I hate it. We don’t have tv either, but even walking past the underwear section at Kohl’s or Target is outrageous. Second, I have a big struggle finding modest clothing to purchase for my daughters (ages 9 and 3–yes THREE). My older daughter has long legs, and all the skirts are waaaayyyy too short. Other (“christian”) mothers said Oh we just put leggings under them. Yes, but you can still SEE. THEIR. BUTTS. So we skipped buying skirts. Why does a three year old (or one year old, or 6 month old) need to wear sexy halter tops?
    Sorry, I get a little fired up about it from both sides. : ) Thank you for bringing up this topic. I was actually thinking something along these lines Sunday morning at church, sitting behind some teenage girls. I found myself thinking Really? You thought that was appropriate to wear HERE?
    My old-fashioned-ness is increasing with my age…LOL hopefully in good ways though!

  16. says

    You made me cry with this one… thanks for writing it! I worry about my boys (well, and my girl too) all the time, since we live in “sin city” where modesty is considered a joke. It doesn’t matter WHERE we go, we WILL see inappropriately dressed people (of both genders, actually). Church is no exception, unfortunately… I just want to shake young girls sometimes (and some of the older women too!!) and ask them if they know that their spaghetti strap shoulders and SHORT SHORT skirts might cause all the men in the room to stop thinking about worship and start thinking about THEM. Argh… you hit a sensitive point with me tonight. THANKS again for writing it!

  17. Christi says

    THANK YOU! My daughter (age 12) and I have talked about this for several years! I also have three young boys, so I see this issue from both sides. An author, Dannah Gresh, has excellent books and a web site for girls age 8 – 12! She guides moms on how to teach their daughters how to save ALL of themselves for one man. Which means dressing modestly when you are 8 as well as at 18! Here’s her site!

  18. says

    Thank you for posting this. On Sunday there was woman singer in the front of the entire church (I’m talking around 7K people!) wearing a shirt that bared her shoulders. Now, I might understand if it was summer (we do hit 110 plus regularly but it’s air conditioned inside), but it’s JANUARY! Then I had to wonder where in the world the leadership was and why no one asked her to cover up. In our church, you must audition to sing with the worship band. It is supposed to be a big deal. But now I have to wonder about the leadership. So thank you for reminding me that I’m not just getting old! :-)

  19. says

    This is something that is very special to me. I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latterday Saints (or Mormon) and this is something that is very emphasized in our religion. Thankfully, we have very specific guidelines (nothing above the knee, no cleavage, shirts that cover your shoulders, one piece bathing suits) so there isn’t much grey area.

    But, as a teen I really struggled with this. I didn’t always dress modestly and didn’t really understand that is was a big deal. I think that might be the reason why a lot of teens do, they just don’t see how big of a deal it is. I understandnow, and your post just drove the point home. I really liked the perspective of a mom with boys. You brought up a lot of really important things.

    Now that I have a daughter of my own, I want to teach her not only how to dress modestly, but why to dress modestly. I will be using some of your points to explain why. She is only a wee one right now, but I am always trying to think ahead.

    Oh and I completely agree about the fact that you can find tons of beautiful, modest clothes. I tend to shop for vintage dresses, they were made during a time when low cut/mini skirts didn’t really exist!

    Thank you for sharing your thoughts on the matter.

  20. says

    Another point that my pastors wife once told our class…look in the mirror and see what areas have skin showing… now would you be comfortable with a man coming up to you and placing his hand there. He may not physically put his hand there but you can guarantee that his eyes are there – it’s the same thing.

    Tiffany Reply:

    Good point!

  21. linda st. laurent says

    Go Laura, I applaud you. I have a 19 year old daughter, who does not dress inappropriately. I am sooo proud to say, it can be done. Takes a lot of work, but it can be done. Parents have to stand up and protect our kids. Thanks for the encouragement.

  22. Mommieof4 says

    I pray this topic gets covered again and again in church. It bothers me too. The church is the one safe haven men should have from the world. Do not make your brother stumble…Um, wearing a short skirt or tight jeans will make even the strongest man struggle.

    There was as a great forum called the Modesty project, where young and old Christian males were surveyed. Some surprising results.

    PS I bought a shirt at Cafe Press last week, its says “Modesty Rocks”. I like it, the phrase doesn’t sit on the chest area by the way, its bit a above, and its not tight.

  23. says

    I might piggy back on this on my blog later this week. I read “For Women Only” by Shaunti Feldman (I think that’s her name) and in that she talks about the importance of being a Godly wife…and helps us understand the minds of men. One thing that stuck in my mind from reading that is that when men (and even young boys) see an immodest picture, commercial, etc. of a woman, that stays in their minds…even subconsciously…and if they see enough of them, that will be trouble down the road. I can’t remember the exact reason, but it does truly have something to do with how the minds of men work. This post will stick in my I know that as I pray for the girl each of my sons will marry in the future, that modesty will be high on the list of attributes. Thank you so much for posting this!

  24. says

    As always you have spoken truth on a topic that desperately needs addressing. Thank you for having the courage to share.

  25. says

    Thank you for this post Laura. I have recently gone through my closet and rid myself of any and all items that are not modest. I know that I will have issues with modesty when my daughter is growing up, most likely the same types my parents had with me. It will be a struggle, but I hope to be able to raise her in a manner that will make her future husband proud. And that starts with my example!

    Esther L Reply:

    I completely agree! I’m also trying to set a good example for my
    daughter by modeling appropriate behavior and choices in clothing. We
    definitely need to be the strongest influence in the lives of our
    children–which is becoming more and more difficult this day in age.

  26. cynthia says

    thanks so much for this post. I myself, with the Lord’s help try to dress modestly, but my poor husband has to turn his head so many times when we are around our own family members (who claim to know the Lord) It is such a sad problem. Thanks for your boldness to discuss this issue. I truly believe that the ones who have a heart to learn and please the Lord will very much appreciate your admonishment.

  27. says

    I just had this discussion with my husband. I am very aware of this because I worry about what my husband is looking at and maybe lusting after. I didn’t worry until he had an affair, which made me much more aware of it. I threw away all things that might make other men lust after me. I could have looked at it as losing a lot of money, but I took the viewpoint of it being an investment in men’s purity and my integrity. I’m glad that you posted this. I will have to do likewise on my blog soon too!

  28. Jodi says

    Great words you’ve shared here. At our previous church, it was becoming such an issue with how the teen girls dressed that they made a rule that spaghetti strap shirts/tanks were not allowed at any youth group activity, they had to where something that covered the shoulders, even a cardigan as long as it was buttoned up. Of course some parents balked at it but they failed to see the real issue of wanting to encourage their teen brothers in Christ and not be a stumbling block for them.

  29. Shawna Cale says

    Great Post. My oldest is a boy and I am constantly asking him what he feels is appropriate with myself and daughter. A few things I have learned. Girls should not wear bathing suits while riding bikes down to the pool. Bathing suits at the pool are fine and when running in the sprinkler but only then. He thinks girls show way to much thigh (that was at 10). He thinks that older women show way more than the younger (or maybe they just have more to show). I would say ask the men of the house if what you are wearing is appropriate, not only do we not want to tempt other men, we want to respect our men (even if they are boys).

  30. Barbara says

    You certainly didn’t step on my toes! Why do the ladies at church think that when summer weather arrives they should start wearing tank tops that show their bra and everything else?!

    Laura – would you be interested in giving us a few pointers about maybe addressing these ladies? Or is that not appropriate? We confronted our pastor one time about it and he weaved it into a sermon, but I’m not sure anyone caught it.

    A church we attended in the past always had an annual picnic and they included a baptismal service. The first time we attended was the last time . . . there were ladies in bikinis!!!! It was awful.

  31. says

    As the mother of two girls, I just want to thank all you moms of boys who are doing your best to protect your sons from viewing teenagers and women who are dressed immodestly. Keep up the fight!

    In ten short years, my girls will be of an age to marry one of those boys and I pray with my whole heart that, as much as is possible, they will find young men with pure thoughts and minds. My husband and I are doing our best, with God’s help, to rear daughters who dress modestly and exhibit purity in their behavior.

  32. Esther L says

    What an awesome post! We’re currently working on raising up our 4 year old daughter to respect herself and others through modest dress. It’s never too early to start.
    I love to look nice for my husband, but I also don’t feel the need to draw unwanted attention to myself for my attire. Ever since I saw Crystal’s post on Money Saving Mom about her limited wardrobe, it inspired me to revamp my closet. What is left behind is classic, fits correctly and honors myself, my husband and God–and it makes me happy!

  33. Pat says

    We live way up in the frozen north. In a place where it gets -20 you would think people would cover up, but that is not the case. I overheard some of the boys in the high school where I work ,laughing that they hope some of the girls never get stuck in the snow, they would freeze to death before help could get there!!!!
    Thank you for addressing this. I wish that EVERY woman would read this .

  34. Mandy says

    I agree with you on the importance of modesty (as a wife to an amazing man and a mom to 2 precious boys). However, in urging other women to dress modestly, I would also urge them first to seek God’s heart (through reading the Bible and talking/listening to God through prayer). Modesty – in and of itself – is just a work. The way we dress should be an overflow of our relationship with Christ. So instead of just replacing an immodest wardrobe with a modest one, also evaluate your faith and your relationship with Jesus. Grow in your relationship, and make sure that whatever you are doing is out of overflow of love for God.

    (Laura, in no way do I think you’re preaching works here! Just want to be clear that I do agree with you, and think you’re doing a great job! I have known many people who dress a certain way to get approval from God/others. Nothing we “do” can get God’s approval. As I said, I know this isn’t what you’re saying, I just wanted to add it. Thanks for allowing us to comment on your posts, Laura. I appreciate your blog!)

  35. Katie says

    Thank you so much for your post. I teared up reading it :). It is definitely a needed thing to be addressed and I think you handled it so well!!

  36. says

    Great post! I totally agree. Also, the older girls need to remember that the little girls (like my daughters) are watching them. The big girls need to set a good example for the little ones!

  37. Danielle B says

    Well you aren’t stepping on my toes Laura lol. I do dress modestly, according to my standards, and my husband has no problems w/it. I would NEVER dress in long skirts or covered up to the neck, etc. Too restricting, and too maitronly. (ok for some but, not me) And dressing that way would not be dressing my best for my husband. I dress my best, and have lots of stylish clothes, that you will find me in. I do wear a tank under some of my tops (that need one, or if my shirt is a little too short for my jeans).

    I do think that men will lust over any woman, look at the women in the middle east covered head to toe, I’m sure there are men who love that. And long skirts…men can think of tings that way too.

    Modesty is a heart issue. It all begins w/the heart. And God lives in me and Holy Spirit can convict me on certain things. If you are wearing a certain outfit just to attract men, that is wrong. I try not to stand out… I’m not going to wear some swim dress w/leggings because a man might lust after me in a 2 piece. If you are blending in, a man won’t lust after you more than the next. We are held accountable to what is in our hearts when we put the outfit on. It’s up to the MAN whether or not he is going to lust. IF we are doing out part, and are modestly dressed (and not covered head to toe) and a man lusts, it’s not our problem.

    I don’t believe in dressing to the extreme, and covering up everything. It’s fine for the women who want to, but that’s not me.

    Hannah W. Reply:

    I had someone say something similar to me … that it is a heart issue. That is absolutely true – you can be wearing plenty of clothing and have a immodest heart and attitude, but if you have a modest heart/attitude, your clothing should be in line with that. I use this example … if you are standing in a store, wearing tight jeans and a revealing top, and a man sees you … you can cause him to struggle with lust, before he has an opportunity to find out whether you have a modest heart/attitude!

    To wear revealing clothing, and then put the blame on the men, seems so wrong to me. What is the disadvantage in covering up? I mean, if it’s only for our husband to see, why should we be revealing it to others?

    Martha Reply:


    Danielle B Reply:

    Well I guess it depends on your idea of revealing clothing. Some women thinks revealing is anything not covered by a turtleneck sweater and ankle length skirt. To me a revealing clothing would be bra and underwear showing.

    Disadvantage? My husband dislikes matronly clothing… and I want to look nice for him. He wants me to feel beautiful in my clothing. Matronly clothing would not make me feel beautiful. But the total opposite. When you feel beautiful and confident you act it. And in the business world that is key. I realize not everyone here works outside the home, but I do.

    Becca Reply:

    To add to this, you can dress non-matronly and feel beautiful and confident, without showing cleavage or too much leg.

    If anyone thinks you have to show off your body in order to feel beautiful, you are being misguided by Satan’s lies. He is the great deceiver.

    You said, “If you are blending in, a man won’t lust after you more than the next.”

    Other’s immodesty does not justify your immodesty.

    I agree with you that men can still lust even if you dress modestly, and that isn’t your fault.

  38. Becca Webb says

    Thank you for your post, Laura! I wholeheartedly agree. I also think it is a great point to remember that the little girls are watching the big girls (and women.) I want to be a good example to my daughter as well as teaching my son to respect women in this way.

  39. says


    i admire your boldness and grace in posting on this topic. i agree with everything you said here and feel that it is something that is most often not addressed, for fear of stepping on toes, you know? we owe it to our husbands and brothers in the Lord to honor them in this area.

  40. Diana McKenzie says

    Totally agree!! Church leaders need to teach this from the pulpit. I see way too many young girls dressing for attention.

  41. says

    BRAVO!!! What a wonderful post. It is so true. As a fellow mom of all boys it is increasingly difficult for me to go anywhere with my boys without seeing at least one immodestly dressed girl/woman. Don’t even get me started on some store displays either….you know the ones at the mall with the pic pictures of women in their undergarments?! Sigh…all I can do is teach my boys what God wants and pray…thanks for the post Laura…keep up the great work!

  42. says

    Thank you Laura for speaking the truth in love! An excellent post and very timely in our present world. Thank you! May the Lord bless your ministry abundantly!

  43. Lori says

    This really is such a big issue these days. My pastor says when he was younger when an inapropriate thot came in his mind he would sing Jesus Loves Me so as not to dwell on it. Now men would need to be singing that song all day long with the way women are dressed to temp them. Now that I am married I understand the mans mind a little more. It isn’t like they purposely notice immodesty its just the way they are wired. Yes, they are supposed to look away and not dwell on wicked thots but we don’t need to try to make it harder for them.
    My husband won’t go to the beach or the county fair and I thot is was because he was a party pooper :) but then he told me that he just can’t go and keep him mind clean. There is just too much to temp his thots there so he avoids it at all costs. That made me so proud/happy when he told me that. And now I don’t ask to go to the beach or the county fair even when I know our friends are going. I just tell them we don’t go there and thats the end of it.

  44. Nancy Nelson says

    Well said! My boys are 28 and 23 and have struggled with this issue for many years. Before he died, my husband always wondered where the fathers were of girls who dress immodestly, and, sad to say, where were the husbands of women who do the same. Anyone who truly understands how God made men and who desires in their heart to please God recognizes the importance of this issue.

  45. Ariana says

    Wonderfully written Laura – thank you! Here’s a helpful test to add: when you are fully dressed, stand in front of a mirror, bend over and while looking in the mirror see if you can see down your shirt. If you can, fix that problem!! So many seemingly modest women fail this test and they don’t even know they are giving men free shows!

    Sheila Reply:

    I agree and would like to add to it. While you are bent over, check to make sure your shirt doesn’t pull up in back to reveal skin. If it does, I guarantee you will be hanging out when you sit in a chair. Then stand up straight and reach for the sky to see if your shirt pulls up to far. Lastly, think about your day. For example… If you are going to the dentist and will be laying back in the chair, make sure your top is not going to allow to much in that reclined position.

  46. Jill says

    Thank you for your post. I’m a modest dresser by faith. I never really thought of modest dressing in this way before. A gift to my husband and a way to teach my son to stay true to his future wife.

    I would like to share that modest dressing is for ourselves as well. It’s a way to make sure we are present and confident in the now. Imagine on the red carpet famous actress lady with a strapless gown is making her way down through the paparazzi. She is constantly tugging her gown up, casually glancing down to make sure there are no wardrobe malfunctions. She seems distracted and is not smiling as much as she could be. How much is she in the now? Now imagine your wedding day, prom, first date, babtism of your child, or work this way. Back to famous actress lady…the next day there are photos of a wardrobe malfunction she didn’t catch spread across the world online, on tv, spoken about on the radio. Rumors abound about drugs and alcohol cause of the way she was speaking and acting so out of it. Is she confident? How can she be. Could you be?

    Modest dressing is a way for us to enjoy being women too.

  47. Laura says

    Thank you! As a mother of three young boys I could not have said it better. It is so important to keep their minds pure and raise them to be wonderful husbands.

  48. Gloria says

    Would it be rude of me to print this out on small cards and hand it to some women and girls I see that need to hear it? I kid. I kid. It does break my heart to see so many women and girls look for validation through immodest dress and yet I know where they are coming from. Praise God for his Grace to open blind eyes! I still get looks at the pool though. But, it is because I am the weirdo with a skirt down to my knees and a rash guard/surfing shirt. : ) As a wife and mother of one son, thanks for this bold and truthful message.

  49. ByHisHands says

    AWESOME!!!! When my husband read “Every Man’s Battle”, he read parts of it to me. It truly sickened me and I was truly sorry for many of my outfitts especially those I wore to church. This issue of modest actually drove us away from church. When tried to bring it up to the leaders, they looked down on us and dismissed it. But something is wrong when girls come to church in prom dresses!!!! My husband would sit through most of the service with his head down and avoid those “sisterly huggs and hand shakes” because of all the clevage showing.

    With a little boy due soon, this is a big issue for me but with little girls, it is an issue too. I want them to be modest and understand how that affects not only men but them selves. As young child in elementary school, I would have to go to my dad’s house. To get to the bathroom there were many pictures of naked women all over. There were even times when the tv was left on the porn channel.

    Viewing these things affected how I viewed my self as woman. Is a woman’s worth solely based upon how much clevage she has? Is she more beautiful because of her waist size?

    No. The scriptures are clear in telling what is beautiful in our Father’s eyes!

    Lastly, I remember wearing a skirt that was too short to church and sitting on the end of a second row pew. The pastor’s wife nicely gave me a lap cloth to cover my legs. If you try that now, you will get stoned and even told off! Most people rely on accept me as I am. But when does change come after they claim to believe. Our outward appearance reflects our inner esteem.

    One more thing-every woman, married or single – should read “Every Man’s Battle” and “Every Woman’s Marriage” – they both site studies that say when a man looks a woman dressed immodestly it is like giving a hit of drugs to his brain. He has to come back for more and it is big struggle for him to fight against his flesh. I could write so much on this but I encourage every woman, to watch men and their reactions to woman-you will see that there is a problem with immodesty.

  50. blair says

    I agree too! Our preacher has preached COUNTLESS lessons on modesty. He even has a power point presentation, complete with pictures of immodest clothing (on the grey stuffed torso things). And all the women who are dressed immodestly sit there and nod, but still wear their “business attire” with short skirts. My husband and I have actually changed the seats we sit in to avoid a few of the women. They will wear skirts that go mid-thigh when sitting, then cross their legs!! And while I’m at it, I’m pregnant with my first daughter, we have 2 boys ages 2 and 4, and we are (unfortunately) making them wear more clothes around the house, in preparation for a sister being in the house soon. And trying to find clothes for the baby, I have had MANY rants! I don’t want my daughters diaper showing even with a “cover” those things cover no more than underwear do! Say all u want that she’s a baby, but at what point do you say “ok time to wear more”?? Anyways, laura, thanks for this post!

    Beth @ Living Simply Reply:

    I agree with begining modesty “training” early in a girl’s life. Our daughter is almost 3 and we’ve been very careful about what clothes we dress her in. One thing that has been a great help is bloomers — I’ve had to make them so that they are bigger/longer (more like shorts) to wear under dresses. At almost 3 years old she has no concept about modesty and just wants to play but loves wearing dresses! So, bloomers are the way to go for us! She can wear dresses, still play and NOT show her diaper/undies to anyone!

  51. Rebecca says

    I am so thankful that my small country church is one where the women dress modestly. Rarely, among about 15 women, do I see any cleavage. As far as style, we all wear pants, and some even wear them to church. :)

    I, too, wonder if it is possible to lovingly confront someone on the subject of immodesty, and how to go about it. I can with my sis-in law/best friend, but we’ve know each other since we were 12.

    Can’t go to the mall? You can’t even go to Walmart (or ANYWHERE practically) without rampant immodesty!!!! I can’t begin to imagine 50 years from now…

  52. Marcy says

    Amen, I agree completely! Thank you so much for posting this & also for this wonderful blog. I really appreciate all the work & time you put into it.

  53. Sabrina says

    I agree! I’ve been noticing more and more how immodest Christian women can be, Its hard enough dealing with immodestly in the real world, but when I go to church on a Sunday morning it shouldn’t be a concern for me! Don’t get me wrong, the immodestly dressed women I’m thinking of are great, godly people, but their attire makes me comfortable because what I see on a Sunday, my husband also sees!

    I’ve been thinking about modesty more and more these days and how I can glorify god in my dressing while pleasing my husband and staying feminine.
    Thanks for your post :)

  54. judy says

    Great post! My daughter is 7 and I search long and hard every year for a one piece swimsuit… they are hard to find! And my oldest boy (12) made me so proud last summer when we were camping with friends, and he was uncomfortable with my friend wearing a bikini top… he politely let her know that he was uncomfortable with that, and she changed!

  55. Lynette says

    Thanks Laura for adressing what can be a heated topic. I appreciate your straight-forwardness and whole-heartedly agree. Many blessings!

  56. Deborah says

    Thank you Laura for this great post. I never thought about this subject too much until my pre-teenage son once told me, after attending his bible class, “you know mom, sometimes it is hard to know where to put your eyes.” I didn’t understand what he meant until I really started looking at how the young girls in his class were dressed. I wanted to tell them to stop putting so much temptation in front of my son. It is hard enough to teach appropriate behavior with all those hormones turning on and now having to be cautious at church too. I want to thank the women who teach their daughters modesty. I need to dress appropriately not only out of respect for my husband but out of respect for my sons.

    Audrey Reply:

    Wow!!! I mean, I’m just as shocked by the way women dress these days as anybody, but when I read what your preteen son said…. My jaw hit the floor!!! It absolutely baffles me that there are people out there that think it’s okay for girls that young to dress the way they do!! It makes me sick.

    I’m glad your son has a mom who sees and addresses these issues. I’m sure he will appreciate it, especially when he has a wife of his own!

    With that said, I wanted to say I loved this post. Not only do I not want other men to see what belongs to my husband, but I also don’t want my husband to see parts of other women that he should only want to see on me!! The thought of my husband looking at another woman in the same way he looks at me makes me sick…. and it makes me even more sick that some women LOVE when married men look at them that way!! UGH. This subject makes me angry. LOL.

  57. Kirstyn says

    I asked my husband what he thought modesty was (long ago, not today!) and he said that IMmodesty is anything that draws undue attention, and that can apply to behavior, attitudes and clothing, all of which he feels are important to be modest in. He holds himself to the same standard– he doesn’t like to wear “flashy” dress clothes on Sunday, our wedding was very small and quiet, etc. I like his mentality on it– it’s so much easier to go by that definition than to spend years trying to figure out how many inches of skirt is appropriate or how high a neckline has to go. If it’s modest, it doesn’t draw attention. End of story.

  58. Teresa says

    Thank you. This is a sensitive issue we deal with in our family. With 4 young boys and 2 daughters, my passion for this subject is strong. My past knew no modesty so as we seek to raise Godly children we have changed a lot of things. I am glad.
    Now I tell my daughter if a friend is over and dressed with a shirt too short or too low, she can address it first, then I’ll address it and offer another shirt.
    I will do what I can to provide good examples and keep the wordly stuff out. My oldest son,9, will bring me magazine pages or sale flyers and ask me to throw away inappropriate pages. This was a big eye opener.
    Our boys are required to wear shirts at all times and we do not allow bikinis. Sometimes you only get a chance for one impression. People stare anyway when we go out b/c of the amount of children. Our prayer is that we make a Godly impression when it’s in our power to do so.
    I read recently that when a wife is trying on an outfit, ask hubby, “Does this look hot or nice?” If he says hot, it stays at home. Just by being aware of this issue can make a big difference. I’d like to address it to my family as well. The last time my step-mother was here to see the kids she was about hanging out of her shirt.
    I have addressed this issue at the doctors office as well. A female student bent over my son to check his ears and his face ended up in her shirt. I promptly told the doctor who was in the room that I did not appreciate this and asked her to stand up and let him check his ears. He said it didn’t occur to him to think anything of it.
    We are the parents and are responsible for protecting our kids from a society full of immodesty. It will be out there and we can help them learn to look another way. We don’t have to just shove it in their faces and we look the other way.

  59. Ruth says

    A woman in our church addressed this issue as part of a ladies Bible study. To help us understand more fully, she asked several men of various ages (16 – 70) in our church to write about what type of dress causes them to have lustful thoughts in church. We were shocked by the results. Some things that were mentioned – shorts above the knee, sundresses, any hint of cleavage, any exposed skin on the back or shoulders. This is in addition to the usual low necklines, tight jeans, short skirts, etc. They talked about how they struggle to focus on God in the church service because some woman/girl in front of them decided it was warm enough to wear a sundress or some other skin revealing item. It really hit home to know that these were the thoughts and feelings of men and teens in our own congregation. I wish that all women knew and cared about how they are causing our friends and church members to struggle.
    Thank you for this post.

  60. Katie says

    Thanks Laura for saying this. I’m the mother of a almost 10 year old girl, 7 1/2 yr old boy, and then three younger kids beneath those two. My husband try to be so careful what our kids see and so we have a little system. When we see something inappropriate that we don’t want our kids to see we say “Ohio” whether it’s in the car or walking in a store, the kids know to drop their eyes and just concentrate on walking for a few minutes. When it’s passed we’ll say, “it’s done.” It has truly helped our family. Obviously we cannot stop people from wearing things that shouldn’t be seen, but we can try to help our kids choose to not look at it. I hope that we as women will choose to be good examples in our community and churches of beautiful modesty.

  61. Darcy says

    Very well said! Being a mother of 8 daughters I have been struggling with this for some time. Our daughters some times don’t understand why we won’t let them wear a piece of clothing that a grandmother, aunt or friend bought them. They see what friends are wearing to church and wonder why they can’t wear the same thing.

    It is a battle my husband and I are determined to fight though. I wasn’t raised to dress modestly and it’s hard when my girls ask questions about pictures from when my husband and I were dating or even my wedding dress, but we just explain to them that after coming closer to God, He convicted us on dressing modestly.

    I sure wish more people were concerned about what women wear and that it would be preached from the pulpit (I have yet to hear it be preached anyway).

  62. Michele M says

    Well said! You stated it boldly, but respectfully. I have felt exactly this way for a long time, and as a mother of a son and a daughter, I sometimes wish we could go back to simpler times when women didn’t even consider showing too much skin. Just wanted to tell you I appreciate the comments.

  63. Kendra says

    As “one of those that wears the long skirts” it is very interesting to me to hear other Christian women talk about this. Obviously there are different opinions leading to different denominations. That aside, here are some COMMON SENSE points to modesty. (1) Anything you give up to draw closer to God is more than worth the sacrifice. (2) Only a short 100 years ago ALL women, regardless of their faith, dressed modestly. As a result – women were treated like women! (3) If we knew the ulterior motives by the clothing designers we would refuse to support them.

    There is a wonderful series written on the subject of modesty by a woman in my faith. If I may give the information: Her website is She has several books on this subject. They are quick reads but are full of Bibilical information; not opinions. The one on fashion designers that includes their quotes will shock you.

  64. Tami says

    But I am SO sad that this is even an issue… there are so many bigger issues, and this one is just – logical!

    Thank you… your blog is inspirational.

  65. Hannah says

    This is a great post. I am a former teacher and disliked seeing middle school girls wearing clothes that are designed to draw attention to the sexual aspect of their bodies.
    I do consider myself pretty modest, although if I am nursing my kiddo I don’t worry if someone might possibly see a slice of skin here or there (I do dress in layers with a nursing tank top underneath, so as to make nursing easy). I consider that anything that MIGHT show during nursing is no different than what one might see while a changing a baby’s diaper, or a diabetic lifting the bottom of their shirt a bit for an insulin shot, or what a doctor sees during a checkup, because it is not displaying my body in a sexual context or attitude. But I realize that people have different opinions on this.

    katie z. Reply:

    I agree with you, though – my baby does NOT take a blanket over the head without a violent fight, and there’s a lot more skin exposed during the struggle than if I just use a nursing tank and a shirt over the top!

    Hannah Reply:

    Yeah, mine’s not a baby anymore (almost 19 months old) so I don’t think he’d appreciate being covered.

  66. Martha says

    Great post!! Thank you, Laura, for addressing this issue! As the mother of 7 young men (and 5 girls), this is such a huge issue, especially in the church. It saddens and angers me that Christian women and young ladies continue to dress to be alluring to men.
    Thank you for your boldness!

  67. Paula Lucas says

    Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank, YOU! And thank God for all these awesome ladies who are so convicted. Qod bless you ladies and may your lights shines.

    Modesty is a discipline and we must discipline our flesh and cover it. Long skirts can be lovely and feminine. You can make a long skirt to suit any occasion and put a button up shirt under that low cut sweater and look like a lady not an old woman. Swim suits ditto, COVER UP and save sun bathing for private. My husband and sons will say thank you. My daughters and I will appluad you!

  68. says

    I completely agree with you on everything you said, but I believe that there is something more that needs to be said. Concerning young women- I find that when Christian young ladies dress immodestly the responsibility does not rest fully on them, but on their fathers. Fathers have the God-given responsibility to help their daughters understand why they need to dress modestly. And, unfortunately, in the church most do not. It is a chronic lack of leadership. For me I have two basic rules for the way I dress. 1. no cleavage at any time. Sometimes I might show some completely by accident, but I did not intend too. 2. No skirts above the knee. I find that these are good principles. It is very difficult to find modest clothing, but there is nothing wrong with buying a shirt that is originally too low, and wearing a modest-heighth camisole underneath.

  69. Marcee says

    As a mother of 4 boys I appreciate this post. It scares me sometimes what they see in the world. I also have one daughter, granted she is only 1, but I want her to respect herself just as I want my sons to respect women (and themselves as well). Thank you for this!

  70. says

    Thanks so much, Laura. As a mother of and daughter and four sons, I really appreciate this.

    It seems like at around 8 years old, it does begin to get difficult to buy modest clothing for our daughters. I have found a few ways to deal with this in our home.

    First, we teach modesty from the beginning. You can’t let a tiny little girl dress immodestly becausee you think it is cute, and then change the rules on her when she begins to mature. We must teach it from the beginning.

    Our daughter (12) does not wear a swimsuit. Instead, she wears swim shorts and a rash guard shirt (with a sports bra underneath). This has worked well for us. Our boys also wear long swim trunks and rash guard shirts. None of them look out of style, but they are modest.

    When she was younger, I would make her dresses, etc., since everything in the stores seemed so short. She is really naturally quite modest, and does not spend time around little girls who are not.

    At this point, she actually prefers to shop in the boys department. I have mixed feelings about this. I realize it has something to do with all these brothers she has and she is a tomboy for sure. How I would love to see her dress more feminine. BUT, she is very modest and careful about what she chooses and I admire her character. It is nice that she believes in modesty without me having to stress it so much.

    After speaking to other Christian mothers of young women, I worry less about her afinity for the boys department, as I have been reassured that she will begin appreciating those more feminine items soon enough.

    For now, I am enjoying seeing her character grow and mature in this area and others.

    There are several websites out there for mothers of daughters that sell modest clothing for girls. I encourage you to search “modest clothing for girls” online and see what comes up. There are Christian families that have at home sewing businesses in order to provide young ladies with modest clothing. Check it out.

    Stephanie Reply:

    I believe modesty is such an important issue to be discussing with our
    children, but the arguments always seem to go beyond what they need to.
    There is nothing sinful about leather pants. If they are ridiculously
    tight, well, then, yes. But to act like they are ALWAYS immodest, you
    are teaching your kids to be legalistic. This is the tendency of the
    very zealous ‘modesty’ argument. I wonder, too, if your daughter has the
    tendency to dress like a boy, if you (possibly) are lacking a bit of
    experience (for lack of better or less aggressive word) with femininity
    and if you would judge incorrectly about clothing trends, etc. I always
    want to see which direction people’s perspectives are coming from.

    Stephanie Reply:

    Oops, I think I got two comments confused! Hope I wasn’t too confusing!

    Kris Mays Reply:


    Yes, I am confused about your comment, as I did not mention anything about leather in mine. How would I, with a 12 year old girl and a woman myself, be lacking in experience with femininity?

    I dress like a woman and mostly wear skirts, so I am not sure what you are saying? I also dress in style. I also dres sin the current style.

    Do you have children yourself? I really don’t see this is being something you can judge me on. My daughter has four brothers and enjoys sports. She knows what is feminine. She just chooses not to be interested in it.

    Part of it has to do with her modesty. The girls clothing is very fitted and she is not comfortable with shirts that are fitted because she has matured early and is conscious of her chest.

    As I stated previously, I sew and used to make her beautiful dresses, so I am really not sure how to take your comment that I might not be experienced? I am 38 years old and have a great interest in fashion, so I don’t really understand where you are coming from?

    Laura Reply:

    I think she replied to the wrong comment thread…not directly to yours which is why it doesn’t make sense. :)

    I feel ready to turn off the comments on this post at this point. Instead of addressing what I was saying in the post, people are now addressing each other’s comments and feeling offended and yikes! It’s starting to make my head (and heart) hurt.

    Laura Reply:

    SAYING no waying. Proof-read, Laura!

    Kris Mays Reply:

    Yes, I am truly offended. I was just trying to help by sharing what we do. I did not expect someone to comment and say I maybe don’t know what I’m doing. Sheesh.

    Kris Mays Reply:

    Great job, Laura! I link to this post from my blog. Hope you don’t mind.

  71. joanie elbourn says

    Agreed 100 %- I hvae a 17 yr old son. But then again, I also ahve three daughter, two teens, one almost. They dress modestly, always have, even tho it is very hard to even find mosest teen clothes… someone once gave our then 4 yr old daughter a LEATHER pants and shirt set : ) ARG!!!
    Boys these days also need to be taught modesty. So many boys, teens and younger, have their underwear hanging out, chests bared to the world, tight, skinny jeans ( how I dislike those !). Our almost 16 yr old daughter tells any boys she nows, those who wear the baggy, hanging off the butt pants or skinny jeans just how bad they look…. the boys seem to listen to her… kind of cool.
    Modesty also extends to how one talks… and that is an issue with boy sexes these days. Povacative, lewd , inappropriate speech is certainly not modest.
    Even shows watched, books read, music listened too can be included here. MOdesty affects both sexes and entails more than just choice of clothing. : )

  72. Lynne Harrington says

    I couldn’t agree more. Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this! I wish the world could read it! :-)

  73. Wendy says

    Thank you so much for sharing your heart Laura! :) I am also the mother of 4 young sons, ages 6 to 15. We have found that even going to a shopping mall can be challenging with our troop of boys. There are some “certain kinds of stores” that have quite provocative displays in their windows, if ya know what I mean!

  74. Kristin says

    I do think it is important to be modest as Christian women. However, I just have to make a small point. I read through most of the comments and as Christian women we hold ourselves to a higher standard because we are seeking to please Christ and love him and desire to be conformed to His image. You cannot expect this of “the world”. Of course they’re going to dress immodestly. Duh. They don’t live according to the same standards we do. Once they have received Christ then the transformation of the Holy Spirit begins and you allow the Holy Spirit to convict and discipleship to begin. I just think it’s a dangerous place to expect the world to act and talk and be like “us”. As far as your children, they’re going to see it. This is the world in which we live. I certainly don’t think that we need to flaunt anything in front of them. We do our best to show them Christ and the mind of Christ and then we TRUST Christ to work in their lives with our guidance. The very first commentor stated this is a convicting of the Holy Spirt and you allow Christ to work in people’s lives and hearts. We are all in different places in our sanctification journey and just because God has convicted you in this area does not give you place to judge another’s daily walk or the fact that they have a short skirt on. Allow Christ to work. Do you think Jesus moved seats in church because a women’s skirt was too short. I doubt it.

    Jessica Bish Reply:

    AMEN! This is one way we can shine to the world is by how we dress but they are have no reason to dress modestly – the Spirit isn’t in them, working within. Very good point!

    Melissa Reply:

    Oh, Kristin, you said just what I was thinking. I have so enjoyed reading the comments on this post today. Thank you for fostering this conversation, Laura. I am loving your blog.

  75. says

    AMEN, a really big, fat AMEN!!!

    I had this huge epiphany nearly 3 years ago, just before my 3rd child (first daughter) was born and it has been such a blessing to me – I wasn’t being immodest by the world’s standards, but I was being far less modest than I should have been. Modesty in dress has become of immense importance to me since then.

    I love knowing that my husband doesn’t have to wonder how other men are perceiving me or what they’re looking at. It is also a great comfort to know that I’m not contributing to the lustful temptations that men deal with. I want to be known for who I am in Christ, not for any other reason.

    I also want to be a role model for my children. Not only for how my daughter dresses (once she’s old enough to choose), but I want my boys to understand what modesty is and how important it is that the women they choose to someday marry have the same standards.

  76. blair says

    Seriously? Are u telling me that in your mind, its ok for the church to “require” women to not wear certain things, but in a church that leaves modesty to the judgement of the individual person, that I as a christian woman, and my husband as a christian man, can’t use OUR judgement to quietly pick up our children and move elsewhere if we are uncomfortable with something someone else is wearing? That doesn’t make any sense to me.

    Brieana Smith Reply:

    It seems to me that our primary purpose in life is to win others to Christ. So, if I’m in church and a (possibly unbelieving) woman sits next to me in a skimpy dress, I might feel uncomfortable but I should push through that discomfort and do what I can to make her feel welcome in my church. I want her to feel like she can come just as she is, so that as she sits under the teaching and through the worship, God might change her heart.

    I might, however, discreetly and gently let her know that her dress isn’t appropriate, after I’d made an effort at a relationship with her.

    Joan Reply:

    Your post leads me to think that you might believe that a woman dressed less demurely thatn yourself you may think she isn’t a christian….yet another thing that Jesus woulsn’t do…judge..I’m so glad my church isn’t like yours…we go to worship not judge..

  77. Melissa Fawley says

    YEA Laura! Thank you so much for sharing what needs to said and taught to our children and be a standard for us as well! I have 2 girls and 4 boys – the sad part is exactly as you said – it’s not just in the world. My 14 year old son said to me in church one morning, mom, why don’t some of these girls’ moms tell them about being modest. It is a huge distraction, not only to our sons, but I’m sure to our husbands! We should be treating others as sisters and brothers in Christ, not giving them a reason to stumble. Thank you, Laura!

  78. Danielle says

    We recently heard testimony from a dad in our church about discovering items in his daughter’s closet. She had been attending the youth program at our chuch and as a family they had not begun attending services on a regular basis. He said he was shocked when he opened her closet and found a sign saying “What would Jesus wear?”. He was so greatful that the youth group had addressed this issue and this is what the girls were to ask themselves every time they looked in their closets and got dressed so as to be sure to not pick anything immodest. I thought that was a great quote.

  79. Melodya says

    What a beautiful post Laura, you covered it all. ?

    The whole “judge not” phrase has been sorely abused. It means to not judge someone’s eternal salvation. But Jesus Told us to judge and use judgement in weighing what is right and wrong. We can certainly judge that something is wrong/right, it defines our standard. If we don’t stand for something, we’re not standing at all. And since the “heart is decietfully wicked & who can know it,” we cannot always assume our reasoning is all spiritual and none carnal. So we need scripture to be able to judge right. That takes the pressure off of ‘us’ judging since we are applying God’s Word, not making up our own. Those who then have conflict, are not rejecting us, but Christ.

    And yes, there are plenty of Christian people who do not have good judgement in modesty. Just like there are people that don’t excercise good judgment in many different subjects. We are patient, we are kind, but it’s still not ok. Grace isn’t a call to never draw a line.

    It is all the more of a blessing as we mature and understand the value of a person who lives to please God, and edify others.

    The Bible tells the older women to teach the younger women. Why? Because the younger women need taught, they (I) don’t always get it right, and it can be a hinderance to others. How much it blesses my heart when a person hears a truth/principal and takes it to heart. How much it blesses me when I hear something that strikes a cord w/ what I need to work on! “God chastens whom He loves.” Perhaps they only need a little tweaking, but they are glad for it none the less. If we agree, we all have room to grow, then being reminded of God’s word and principals are a blessing and we are not offended in them. Because it is not really OUR opinion or words, they are Christ’s.

    side note: 1 thing I use to gauge modesty for myself and daughter is that the priests in the OT wore and ephod and it was required to be at least from their shoulders to their knees. Because we are a “royal priesthood” and will “reign as kings & priests” it seems fitting, and is logical to use that as a guideline. I’m thankful for that. When I’m unsure of buying a piece of clothing, that comes to mind and it’s a blessing.

    Modesty is very much a rudimentary subject, but necessary for a firm foundation.

    Melodya Reply:

    oops that question mark in the beginning is supposed to be an ALT 1 smiley, I forget those don’t work in here. So it’s: you covered it all. :D hehehe

  80. says

    Well written and not preachy. Thank you for writing thoughtful posts.
    My father in law told me (the day before my wedding to his youngest son) “Begin as you mean to continue.”
    I have tried to live and parent that way (i.e. no words on my daughter’s panties as a toddler since we have a “no writing on the bottom” rule for her as an older young lady – so we don’t have to change the rules mid-stream.)
    I also try to teach my boys (14 and 16) that dressing modestly shows respect for the people that have to look at you. I read that in a devotional and it just clicked. How they dress isn’t about how THEY feel, it’s about showing respect for others (and then in essence for themselves).

    Abbygail Reply:


    Thanks for that quote. I have been trying to come up with something to say to others when they don’t understand why I am trying to train my 1.5 year old.

  81. Abby says

    LOVE THIS POST! I am raising four girls and am terrified at the message that “trendy clothes” are sending. I repeat, LOVE THIS POST!

  82. Abby says

    Laura, I love your blog and recipes, but I have to say I am a little hurt by a line in this post.
    “It makes sense to me that women who aren’t Christians dress immodestly”. Maybe I am reading this wrong, but is sounds like your are implying that that non-Christian women all dress, well slutty and have no morals. I have to disagree here. I know many Jewish, Hindu, and goodness knows Muslim women who find it VERY important to dress modestly.
    SO please know that dressing appropriately is not just a Christian thing. I agree with your other points on the importance of dressing modestly but this is a societal issue.
    Have you had the opportunity to spend time with Orthodox Jewish or Muslim women? I think you would be surprised to find that most of them agree with your take on modesty.

    Laura Reply:

    Ah, thanks for pointing out my error. I maybe should have said, “unchurched” or “non-religious” or something like that?? Or maybe I should have just said what I meant, which is “worldly” women.

    You are totally right…many women who aren’t Christians, but who are Jewish, Hindu and others you mentioned are QUITE modest.

    I truly was referring to women who are living worldly lifestyles. AND, I certainly wasn’t implying that all women who aren’t Christians are sluts. I know many non-Christian women who dress very modestly. I was simply saying that when a woman who isn’t a Christian dresses immodestly, I’m not terribly surprised.

    Does that clear up that thought any at all (or just make it worse!?)? I apologize for hurting you with that statement. I think I’ll edit that sentence from THAT to WHEN…so that the sentence will say what I meant it to say. So…thank you for pointing that out to me!

    Laura Reply:

    Womthing, means something. Write means right. I should learn to proof-read. ;)

    Abby Reply:

    Hi Laura,
    Yes that helps, wording can be tricky. I really appreciate you
    listening to my feedback. I know understand what you were trying to say.
    I am sure most of your reader are Christian and probably knew what you meant.
    But as Jewish girl who loves to read your blog, I just wanted to make sure you
    were not saying that all the people out there dress slutty were of non-Christian
    That being said, again I think everyone could work on this, especially by
    instilling values in our daughters that help them understand that they are more than there body.
    But, thanks again for changing that, it really show what an awesome person you are.

    Laura Reply:

    You’re so sweet. I appreciate you replying back so that I would know if I had cleared that up. I was grateful for the chance to edit that statement and make the post better by doing it! AND I really appreciate that in your first comment, you said what you said so kindly. I feel so discouraged when someone disagrees with me and says so in an ugly way. It’s TOUGH to cover all my basis since I have such a large readership of people of such varied backgrounds…so naturally, I’m going to say things sometimes that come across poorly to some. THANK YOU for pointing out what I said that hurt you, but for saying it so nicely. That really meant a lot to me!

    Brieana Smith Reply:

    I think the point wasn’t that all non-Christian women dress immodestly, but that if a non-Christian woman chooses to dress immodestly, it’s understandable (in a sense) since they are seeking the kind of love we’ve found in Christ in the wrong places. We can be compassionate to those women since they don’t know the truth as we do.

    I hope I understood that correctly. :)

    Brieana Smith Reply:

    Ha ha, and I should take less time to write replies so that I notice the author has already replied. :)

    Laura Reply:

    Yeah, you understood correctly. I edited the post a bit to say what I meant to say…hopefully!?

  83. Melinda says

    AWESOME! As I have matured as a christian, even the smallest things have become important when I think about pleasing God! I’m still fairly young and like to dress nicely, but am fully aware of looking “nice” and looking inappropriate. Young women need to realize that you can look very nice (and trendy) without looking provocative! I think the men you’d like to take home to Daddy would appreciate it too!

  84. Tracy Moore says

    Wonderful words of wisdom and I couldn’t agree more (as a mom of 4 boys). I’ve taught my boys the value of guarding their eyes in an immodest world and looking for the character of modesty in the girls they might one day want to marry.

  85. says

    “What does “Spending wisely” “eating proportionately” and “managing time well” have to do with being a good help meet to your husband?”

    Hi Laura, I have 3 grown daughters who were reared with the biblical modesty that you have laid out so well here. I don’t think we should let it end here, though. My girls have shaken the view of feminine dress imposed on by their dad who later divorced me for another woman. (Please know that I am thankful for the good God brings out of everything!)

    One very important point they have broached is the importance for godly women to consider how we spend, eat and manage our time commitments.

    Electing to establish healthy boundaries around these temptations are also important components of a virtuous woman and perhaps worthy of mentioning.

    Keeping our bodies, minds and spirits attractive, free from anxiety, and quiet and gentle will greatly benefit our husbands, children and others as we demonstrate the inner qualities of beauty and become the flame that draws the moth and points them to God who transforms us all from the inside out ;))


  86. Jaime says

    This is a wonderful post. I have these same thoughts all the time. And I am always amazed that someone in our church as to remind everyone at the beginning of summer, every summer, to not wear skimpy clothes to mass. And yet there are still women who ignore them and wear their “little” dresses anyway.

  87. says

    Thank you, Laura. A message boldly spoken with grace. May God add His blessing.

    As a mother of six young men and recently a little girl …
    A few years ago, I left church in tears. I had not heard one word of the sermons. My heart was heavy all day, all evening and way into the morning hours as I cried out to the Lord on behalf of my husband and six young men. They/we … everyone present, had been subjected to sexual abuse by sisters in the Lord. That day was different only in that there were two different young girls wearing inviting attire. These two girls had heretofore not dressed immodestly…now they too were following the example of others within the Church that had been dressing that way for a while already — both older women/mothers and youth.

    Though I am not a poet, God finally gave me rest, around 4:00 AM, after I had written out the following poem:

    Plea for Purity

    A half-finished picture our brain will complete,
    Please don’t dress like girls of the street.
    Tight t-shirts & pants, scant-cut clothes of all kinds,
    We’ll finish the picture on the screen of our minds.

    Skin-tight clothes, everyone knows,
    Tempt men to lust, then confess it they must.
    Tight t-shirts tease, as do skirts above knees,
    And low-cut tops just aim to please.

    Godly women will not wear these!

    Adultery is the sin YOU do, according to Matthew.*
    Men & Boys you tempt to lust
    when drawn to think about your bust.
    The sin is theirs upon second thought stares,
    But yours as well for tempting to tell.

    Prone to wander, Lord I feel it,
    Especially when the gals reveal it.
    Church is a place to worship & praise,
    But how can we, when women adopt worldly ways?

    Avoid sin with all measure. Please, cover your treasure!
    Dress to keep us all pure, then know your reward is SURE.
    Honor the LORD. Honor the brethren. Protect yourself.

    ~ Men & Boys
    ~ Mamas of Men
    ~ Wives of Husbands

    * Matthew 5:28, “But I say unto you that whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery WITH her already in his heart.”

    There IS an onus placed on women and girls to dress modestly … if you don’t you are right in there with the men committing adultery with them. And when you’re in public you’re quite possibly committing adultery with more than one.

    Sadly, these days, MANY girls are losing their purity on some of the most important days of their lives — wearing revealing dresses for Graduation or their Wedding Day. Then those pictures, meant to be beautiful keepsakes continue the devastation … will they be there to tempt men for the rest of time?

    We are commanded to “honor the brethren” and “encourage unto righteousness” (1 Peter 2:17; Hebrews 3:13). Let us rise above reproof and encourage those around us to as well — by not giving occasion for the me to stumble because of us and by settle a righteous example to other women and girls in our circle of influence. In that there is no doubt, God will bless!

    Since then, God has seen fit to move our family and we now attend a considerably “purer” fellowship. To God be all glory!

  88. AMYB says

    Thank you so much for putting this out there. I have 3 sons and I have to say that having boys has made me more aware of how a modest woman should dress.
    It is frustrating to find that the fashions seem to be getting worse. Not only for a teenager girl but also for women.
    As parents it is our responsibility to watch what our children wear. I have heard many Christian parents make excuses about what their girls wear. The responsibility is ultimately ours. I have had to approach girls in our congregation about their short shorts and tight pants. It is not an easy task. It makes it very difficult, especially when the parents don’t correct this and they still come dressing inappropriately. Parents please don’t give in to your daughters or sons demands on what makes them look good. Instill from such an early age that they don’t need to dress like the world. We are in the world but not of the world. Romans 12:2
    Lastly, as women if we dress modestly regardless of what the fashions are….we are an example to those around us.

  89. Linda says

    Thank -you for this message Laura! I agree 100%.Every woman should stop and think, “What message am I sending with my clothes?” Always think about what impression you are giving to strangers and friends alike..

    I love your blog!

  90. Kimberly says

    I just had to comment to this post because I think it’s a very important topic. We have to be very careful not to judge anybody as we have our convictions. I have recently come to the realization within the last year that some of the things that I am wearing are inappropriate. I had many people tell me this in a judging way and they were not doing it out of love but out of a self-righteous spirit. I was a prayer meeting/Bible study one day though and one of the ladies there quoted the verse that talks about not causing others to stumble. She used this in talking about modesty. Then the question was asked what are you wearing that is causing people (men and women) to stumble. Men because they look and gawk, men are visual, and women because they see a Christian women wearing what you are wearing and think it’s okay. I personally am done causing people to stumble in this area. I am no longer going to do that! With Christ helping me and leading me I will no longer cause others Christ follower or of this world person to stumble. Love your post. (I do however think it’s very important to LOVE people where they are and try and see them where God wants them to be.) ;-)

  91. Peggy says

    This struck a nerve with me!! I’m older so I dress modestly (maybe not as much when I was younger but didn’t know better!) and so does our grown daughter. We have a 10 and 6-year-old daughter now too and it upsets me no end to try and buy them clothes! Every pair of jeans is low cut (at least 1 or 2 inches below the waist) and sayings on shirts, clothing that tries to make them look like grownups, etc! Also, I too struggle to understand why parents let their young teens dress inappropriately for church. I wish this was addressed by preachers also.

  92. Charlotte Moore says

    What a wonderful post on things so many people ignore. I work in a school and it is a shame how kids dress. Even some of the teachers wear low cut tops, way too tight and way too short clothes.

    Darlene used Matt.5:28 and I was thinking the same thing as I was reading over each comment. There will be women that will have to answer because of men lusting after them because of the way they presented their self before them.

    I was raised in a very strict home and am proud of it. We were never permitted to wear shorts or pants and I still feel the same way. Even some of the clothes with the slits half way up the side or back is as bad as the low cut. I hate to see a woman’s slip half way up her clothes or her knee highs because of a 15-20 inch slit.

    I am so sick of looking at belly buttons, boobs, and backsides hanging out of clothes. The men are pretty bad also.

    YES!!! There are websites with modest clothing. Some I do not care for their style, but there is one called Hannah Lise that has some very pretty clothes.

    I too wish more preachers would address this from the pulpit.

    Danielle B Reply:

    And that’s really sad that you are judging some of us here. Since you
    don’t know what we are wearing you are judging. I don’t sit here and say how horrified I am that you think a slit up the back to the bottom her her knees is bad, that’s ridiculous. I could see if you were talking about a slit up to the middle of her thigh. That’s one thing, but to te
    back of one’s knee? How is that immodest? And I’d rather see a slip then no slip.

    how is showing the back of the knee immodest? A low cut top I can see, since cleavage is involved. But that’s fixed w/a tank or cami.

    And I’d really like to know how you know for sure men are lusting? All men aren’t like that. And they are held accountable as well. And like my husband tells me, I keep him happy at home, he doesn’t need to look elsewhere.

  93. Christine says

    This is an excellent post! I am very convicted by this in recent years… This was not something I’d ever heard of until several years ago; I was completely unaware of my blatant sin! I am grateful that I have since been convicted. I heard a radio program on this once, called “Take God to The Gap”. Whenever I select clothing for myself now, I think about what others see and how the way I dress might affect them.

  94. says

    I have been a youth ministers wife before and I have to say this is a hard subject to convey to teenagers. Especially when they’ve never heard it from their parents even or at least their parents never explained it further than ‘you’re not wearing that’. The world conveys one image that is pounded on them that sex sells and if ‘you’ve got it show it off’. This is very destructive to self image and confidence. With that message streaming from the media it’s hard to show them differently.

    I am a young mom (25 with 3 soon to be 4 kids) but have tried to keep modesty in mind since I was a teen since I have been on our church’s praise team since a young girl but I was taught the importance of WHY and it feels like not enough kids had that advantage.

    As a mom though I already can’t believe some of the clothes they make for little kids… short shorts etc. I won’t buy them for my kids now and won’t let them wear it later as they get older. My 5yo even now likes to wear something under her dresses which I do not fuss about at all lol. She also won’t wear spaghetti straps or anything without a back on it. She just doesn’t feel comfortable in it and I don’t blame her. I know with (soon to be)3 girls and a boy I’m going to have my hands cut out for me :) A mom’s job is never done!

  95. Mombeam says

    I am a longtime fan of your blog who happens to be Muslim. At the risk of some of you throwing tomatoes at me, I wanted to point out that we have a lot in common! We obviously have a lot of modesty going on in our religion, and as believers in Jesus we often cite the fact that you will never see a picture of Mary without modest clothes and some kind of headcovering.

    We believe in modesty with many variations (including the extreme variations we all love to hate) but I would encourage my Christian sisters to do some web searches for “Muslim fashion” and get some ideas of how us Western Muslim women handle this issue and still look stylish and modern. Shukr clothing is one place to look at for really amazing modest fashions that still fit with modern lifestyles. Turkey (the country, not a company… just to be clear) is also kind of a hotspot for Muslim fashion that is very Western-looking. I am an active horsewoman and I ride in a hijab and a knee-length duster to cover up the skin-tight breeches. I even jump and no, I do not ride side-saddle! :)

    Additionally as a teaching point with my children I point out that modesty means having a difference between your public life and your private life. In this time when people are posting *eeeeeeverything* on blogs and Facebook for the whole world to see, the concept of personal privacy is really important to discuss with kids (and to think about ourselves), and this includes bodily privacy, privacy about our relationships, homes, manners with members of the opposite gender, etc.

    I worry about language that asserts that your body is “your husband’s” because it is not. The orthodox Muslim belief does not teach this by the way (contrary to what some preachers might say) and I don’t personally believe this religiously or practically. I’m not sure what you gals read in the Bible but most of my Christian friends also don’t agree with the idea that we should cover up our bodies because of the MEN. Our bodies are our “temples for worshipping God” as I have often heard Christian ladies say, or as we would say it is a vehicle for glorifying God, and as such it deserves respect and dignity that un-covering clothes simply do not give it, and if you don’t have a husband or if you do that doesn’t change KWIM?

    Hope this helps.

    Laura Reply:

    I’m so glad you commented here and let us know more about your Muslim beliefs – thanks!!

  96. says

    My friends, in their time as youth ministers,took a dive into this subject at the request of the teenage boys in the youth group. They were struggling and wrote a letter to the girls to ask for help. Most of the girls were happy to understand the problem and tried to dress and act more modestly. But one group of girls and their parents were highly offended. they just didn’t understand why their daughters should have to watch what they would wear. They believed the boys should just learn to look away. Distorted perpective I think. We as Christian women and parents should be more than eager to guide our children to not be of the world but to be transformed. And we as Chrisitan women should understand that for ourselves.

  97. Carla says

    I think you wrote this post for me. I have been having a time with my soon to be 8 year old daughter. I surprised her at school one day and found her with her shirt unbuttoned to show off her under shirt. I was really upset and told her this is not the way we dress. She hung her head as she rebuttoned her shirt. I don’t dress immodest and thought when I talked to her about the way we should dress she understood. I don’t want to tell her to much about sex at this age and I am not sure how to get through to her on the matter. As for our church we don’t have an issue with people dressing inapropriatly. I am glad you brought this up.

  98. Joan says

    After reading this I had to laugh. It’s as though most of you think that men/boys don’t have a mind of their own… Men ARE going to look, most men think about sex many times a day regardless of what women wear. You aren’t giving enough credit to men, or to women. It sickens me that you women judge. Who are you to judge… Raise your sons to respect women no matter what they wear is the thing to do…don’t let it be about what a woman wears..I’m deeply saddened that you would rather want other women to dress the way you want them to rather than take the harder route and teach your young men to respect women..believe me they are going to look, and imagine no matter what women dress in…I used to love coming to this blog, but now that I know you are just a bunch of judgmental people I won’t be coming her again. Teach your girls modesty but also teach your boys to respect women…and by that it means don’t gawk at girls/women no matter what they wear..after all since you moved us back to the 1800’s with this post..I’ll leave you with this…oh well…boys will be can’t change that!

    Laura Reply:

    I promise you that I’m working very hard to raise my boys to respect women. My purpose for writing this post as a part of the Help Meet series was to encourage us to respect our husbands and dress modestly for their sakes. That’s it.

    As I sit here in my cute jeans and sweater, I just want to say that in no way do I feel like we need to move back to the 1800s in order to be modest. I’m sorry if you heard that message in my post as clearly, that was not what I was saying.

  99. Rebecca B says


    I appreciate your thoughts, your bluntness, and your bravery in standing up for what is right. Way to go. I loved the cake analogy! It helps explain it in terms that we women can understand. I think until you’re married, you don’t fully understand the power you have to influence a man’s thoughts and actions…but with the power comes responsibility. :)

  100. Darla says

    You go Laura! God bless you for standing up for truth. The day i realized that God is jealous over me, that He thinks I’m so beautiful that I’m worth protecting from lustful eyes, the struggle to dress modestly became a whole lot easier. Modesty is a wonderful thing……and my man heartily agrees.