Welcome to A Surrendered Heart: A Wife’s Journey to Love the Jesus Way. I will be sharing my thoughts here each Thursday during this 6-week class, offering printable journal pages for you to pray through on your own time, and providing discussion questions for us to talk though together. How will this work? Simply click on the “Leave a Comment” button on each post to add your thoughts, experiences, and suggestions to the discussion. If you are a newsletter subscriber, please click through to this post on my website to add your comments to the discussion to be read by everyone. I look forward to hearing what you have to say! God be praised for the gift of marriage and for allowing us to grow in Him.
Read Lesson 1: Why I Married This Guy
It’s too easy to park my brain and heart on all that my husband isn’t doing, forgets to do, doesn’t notice needs to be done, or hasn’t yet gotten around to. The list: it can become long. I’ve told him, I’ve encouraged him, I’ve made suggestions, and I’ve downright nagged. He still doesn’t do everything he needs to do.
I mean everything I need him to do.
I mean everything I want him to do.
I mean everything that would make my ideal world of idealism completely ideal. If he could maybe just work within my time table. Perhaps he could be a little bit more like the perfect guy I envision.
Yes. That’s what I want. A perfect guy. Like the ones in the books and movies (written by women). {bonks self on head}
I know I’m being unreasonable. But sometimes my heart doesn’t care. I want what I want when I want it and if I try even just a little bit, I can turn those wants into absolute needs – and then suddenly all I can think about is all that my husband isn’t doing. All he hasn’t gotten around to. All he forgot was on his my urgent to-do list. These are real things – the work we need our husbands to do for us – just like the work he needs us to do for him. I’m not discounting the list – I’m gently squeezing the heart. What seeps out? Joy or dispair?
I’ve heard it suggested that wives would benefit from thinking about and appreciating everything her husband does do – instead of focusing on all that he doesn’t. I mean really, if we were making lists, how many bullet points could I write about all I need to do but don’t get around to in a day? Goodness – the list would be long. If my husband read my “didn’t get done” list to me night after night – ignoring and not appreciating everything I did do in a day? I’d curl up in a ball and cry.
My husband is tougher than that. But how many times have I read him the “I need you to do” list without even acknowledging and appreciating all of the “thank you so much for doing” list? It’s okay to have requests. It’s okay to need him to get work done around the house. It’s even okay to want some emotional needs to be met by your guy. It’s just not okay to be unappreciative and to focus our hearts on our husband’s imperfections so that we become discontent and disrespectful.
So. What does my husband do?
I’m so glad you asked. But before I tell you, I want you to remember something. My guy is mine. Your guy is yours. Don’t let what my husband does add more to your list of what your husband doesn’t do. Your husband is good at doing some things that never crosses my husband’s mind and vice versa. One of the quickest ways a wife can become discontent with her husband is to compare him to someone else and think, “Why can’t my husband be more like that?” That’s messed up and we both know it.
Now me first, then you. What does my husband do?
- He reads the Bible to our family at breakfast
- He does our taxes (I barf just reading that word)
- He coaches our sons’ soccer teams
- He leads our family in scripture memory time and discusses the scriptures so they reach both head and heart
- He does dozens of repairs around our home
The rest of that list I am writing on my own for my own heart (see printable below). That’s the point. My own heart needs to be constantly reminded of all my husband does because when my heart dwells there, the “all he doesn’t do” focus fizzles away just like all other unhealthy thoughts fizzle away when Christ takes over.
Scripture to Consider
I’ve included two verses for us to focus on today, and I encourage you to read them within their contexts as you listen to what God has to teach you. Consider what your eyes are seeing when you look at your husband and think about what he does. Are your eyes fixed on Jesus, filling you with light (which makes you radiant)? Or are you instead focusing on the temporary, which is full of this life’s frustrations?
Download the Fix our Eyes Printable Here
Print the following “What He Does” page to add to your Surrender Your Heart journal. Ask God to reveal truth to you. What does your husband do? Spend time reflecting, then fill the page. Next time you’re tempted to dwell on what your husband doesn’t do – have a heart check. Surrender your heart to let God win the battle of the mind!
Download the What He Does Printable Here
God will reveal to you what is important enough to ask of your husband. Pray. Surrender. Listen. Obey.
My experience has been vividly clear when practicing this. When I’m focused on what my husband doesn’t do I find myself frustrated, discontent, and ugly-hearted. When I instead look with appreciation at all he is doing, well…let the beaming begin. (You have been beaming, right?)
Up For Discussion…Share With Us
- What does your husband do? (Go on, brag a little.)
- What do you notice each time you “fix your eyes on Jesus” compared to the times you are focused on earthly desires?
- How can you stop yourself from heading down a path of discontentment when your husband fails to live up to your expectations?