We are friends with a blind man who told us once that driving through Kansas was the most boring trip he’d ever been on because there was nothing to see. Mmmhmm. Think about that one for a minute.
And now I’m here to prove to you that our trip to Kansas was not at all boring and there was plenty to see.
We left home Thursday night…sold concessions at an my dad’s auction (did I ever tell you that my dad is an auctioneer?) all day Friday…went to my nephew’s fifth birthday party Friday night…and spent all day Saturday going through stuff in my dad’s basement. (May I never have so much stuff in my house for my kids to have to clean out.) (Dad + Auctioneer = SO MUCH STUFF)
Okay, that was the brief overview. Now allow me to tell you some of the highlights of our trip.
1. While we were driving there Thursday night, all the boys were sleeping…so Matt and I were engrossed in an uninterrupted conversation (remember what those are?). So engrossed were we in the conversation…that we were thirty miles past our turn off before we realized that we were thirty miles past our turn off. Good grief.
2. At the auction Friday I met many nice farmers who are regulars at my dad’s auctions. One particularly friendly fella stood visiting with me while I served up some sloppy joes and the conversation was enjoyable. Then he suddenly said, “Did you see that nice port-a-potty out here? That’s my son’s. He takes it around to auctions and other events.”
*awkward pause* *say something Laura!* *longer awkward pause* *respond! say something nice about the traveling toilet!* *okay, but there are people waiting for their food and I can’t think of anything to say about the nice potty on wheels that wouldn’t cause a loss of appetite*
So I finally say, “Well…now…that’s not something everyone can brag about.” *good one, Laura*
And he says, “People say they’ve never been in a port-a-potty that smells as good as this one does.” *blink, blink…smile…* *say something!*
“Well, it was very impressive when I took my son earlier.” *can I get anyone a brownie?*
And the man nods, smiles proudly and walks away.
Well…what would you have said? Did I mention there was a loud generator running just outside and I had to yell everything I said? Okay, moving on…
3. At the birthday party Friday night, I was happily holding my little baby nephew Austin (who is already almost 3 months old!) so that his mommy could serve cake and ice cream. I was holding him with my left arm when I was handed my plate of cake, which I took with my right hand. It’s tough to eat cake without any hands…so my friend suggested I set it on the cooler that was behind me and then sit on the chair so that I could eat it. I didn’t really listen very well to those instructions…so I sat my cake on the chair (duh) and sat myself down on the cooler. That would have been a fabulous plan, except that THE COOLER WAS ON WHEELS. I ended up right on my booty on the floor within about a half a second….still holding my nephew….who (thankfully) was not effected by the fall. Talk about feeling like an idiot. Like I needed anything else for my brother to tease me about.
*everyone is looking at me* *stop looking at me…I feel ridiculous!* *quick, divert the attention off of yourself and the fact that you are flat on the floor with a cooler flying off behind you and a baby in one arm * *Hey, have you all heard about the cleanest port-a-potty around?* *ah well, at least this is good blogging material*
And no…except for my pride, I wasn’t hurt.
I dare say, there is nothing boring about this trip to Kansas.
Ashley says
Hilarious! Thanks for making me laugh this morning! :)
patti says
If I can quit laughing long enough, I’ll tell you about my Kansas road trip. Years ago, while still living in York, I took our 4 kids and Vanessa to Tulsa, Oklahoma for the International Soul Winning workshop..from Nebraska through Kansas to Oklahoma. On the way home,things got hot: one child had about 102 degree fever, the car caught on fire, and we all had to hike to the nearest “safe place”. While waiting for the tow truck, we camped out at a DQ with a mat on the floor for the sick one. The wrecker had a wreck on the highway trying to get to our car. Hours later, after a wrecker for the wrecker and a wrecker for our car, our car was fixed. We headed north through Kansas, supposedly going through Wichita to Salina to Nebraska. Instead, Vanessa said, “Aunt Patti, that sign just said that we are almost to Kansas City…did we take the wrong road?” Sure enough! The rest of the story could best be told by my 4 horrified children who watched me try to find my way diagonally across Kansas in the middle of the night. (Roads run east to west / north to south there – unlike New Jersey where I now live). Or, better yet, how about the cop who chased us down only to find me crying hysterically about being lost in the Kansas wilderness… Oh, and did I say we had a cell phone but no cell phone access out in the boonies?!?!!! The kind cop patted me on the shoulders and offered to escort us to our highway connection. What a long 24 hours! Your Kansas story sounds much more FUN!!!!
Char @ DigiScrapChat says
You made me laugh out loud! :-) Still giggling, in fact, and lil Allan wants to know WHAT is so funny!
Paulette says
I haven’t laughed that hard in a long time. I laughed so hard I was crying. Thanks for the giggle. Glad you had such a good trip.
Donna says
Alright, alright….I’ve seen your pics and I thought I saw brown, BUT what color is your hair REALLY!?!?!
hee hee, just teasin’!
Glad U and baby wasn’t hurt.
Once we were camping and I was wearing a baby in a sling and reached across a table and when I turned back around he kicked and fell right out on the ground…. my hair may have been blonde at that time…not sure… ;-)
Kristy Howard says
Sounds like you had an interesting trip, to say the least… too funny!!!
Marnie says
Very funny! I even got my husband to come read it. He thought it was funny too. I love Kansas. We lived there for 1-1/2 years about 11 years ago. It was a great experience. It was very family friendly.
Andrea in Alaska says
I thought of you last night when I (excited about the good price I got for two dozen organic eggs) came home and knocked a carton of eggs on the floor breaking most of them. Knowing that you could laugh about falling on your rear with a baby in your arms, made me realize that I could laugh too. I was STILL trying to laugh when I made your strawberry milkshakes a few hours later (after our dinner of salvaged scrambled eggs, bacon, homemade hashbrowns, and English muffins–yum) and realized too late that the blender was not screwed in well to the base. I leaked milk, cream, syrup, and vanilla all over the counter and the floor. Thankfully my sweet husband was there for that one and gave me a big hug and some reassuring back rubbing so that my pregnant hormones wouldn’t kick in causing me to really “cry over spilt milk.”
Thank you for your good sense of humor and your strawberry milkshake recipe. It was delicious.
Teresa says
This post was hysterical! Glad you only hurt your pride and not your nephew! I’ve done so many silly things worse than that. Would you believe I once rolled my head up in a car window?
Teresa
Miranda says
Ok, I’m a Kansas girl, and I can confirm that the drive through Kansas is indeed one of the most boring trips you will ever take! : ) Glad, your trip had a little excitement to it.
Becky Clark says
OK, so now I’m in TEARS!!! My poor sick husband is on the couch, and I’m trying OH SO HARD to stay quiet. Thanks for the laughter.