~Appreciate Your Spouse~Buoyancy in Marriage~Consult Your Partner~
~Dream Together Part One ~Dream Together Part Two~Empower Your Spouse~
~Have Fun With Your Spouse~Give to One Another~Honor Each Other~
~Be Intentional~Jubilee~Kingdom Focused~Listen~Mentor Relationships~Nourish~
Man in the Mirror – Matt’s Thoughts
The invisible wall between the two of you looms larger than China’s Great Wall…and yet you are in the same room. Though audibly silent, the decibel level inside the two heads match a jackhammer. You blew it. Your spouse has been wronged by you and he/she is upset. Excuses and people or circumstances to blame fill your head. There are plenty of them. And wow, he/she needs to calm down. They have wronged you before. Remember the time when…HOLD UP!!!
How ’bout a little 80’s flashback to the only Michael Jackson song I reference in a serious way. Remember these lyrics? “I’m starting with the man in the mirror, I’m asking him to change his ways…”
No more justifying, rationalizing or faulting others. And don’t you dare dig up the past.
Take ownership of your action (or inaction) in your mind and heart. Take ownership verbally by speaking the truth without any caveats: “I was wrong.” “I acted selfishly.” “I blew it.”
Genuinely apologize and seek forgiveness from your spouse. If your spouse is still livid, forgiveness may not be extended to you right then. I’m going to advise you not to ask for confirmation on the spot. You may want to suggest a cool down period and then revisit this later.
Whether grace is offered immediately or not you must ask yourself, “What do I need to change so that I don’t do this again?” Don’t ignore this step or you’ll find yourself in the same room with your spouse with the Great Wall between you…again. Make a plan to fix it and share this plan with someone. It may be best to share the plan with your spouse. It may also be beneficial to call in help from a friend who will hold you accountable.
Oaf used to be how I felt after I blew it with Laura. In my head I was telling myself, “You big oaf!”
Now OAF is the acronym for the action steps after I’ve been a big oaf: Own it, Ask for forgiveness, Fix it.
Once more from Man in the Mirror: “If you want to make [your marriage] a better place take a look at yourself and then make a … change. Yeah! Make that change!”
But I Have Baggage – Laura’s Thoughts
Wow, I have to say that I never thought we’d reference any of Michael Jackson’s songs here at Heavenly Homemakers. I’m a little bit speechless. (Okay, not really.)
I think Matt makes a great point – why do we always tend to blame others when we have done something wrong? Sure, we all come into the marriage relationship with baggage. Some of us more than others. This can be incredibly challenging and makes life and decision making quite a bit more difficult. But it doesn’t excuse you from making bad choices and hurting others, particularly your beloved.
Did you do or say something you shouldn’t have? No blame-shifting. No excuses. Own it.
Easier said than done, but who said doing what’s right is always easy?
Hey, at least it’s easier than trying to do the Moonwalk. (That was totally irrelevant, but if Matt can reference Michael Jackson, so can I, right?) (Oh wait – did I just blame-shift?)
Ladies, we know you’re reading here more often than the guys. ;) We’d love husbands to read this article as well. If you feel so inclined please send the link to your husbands, or if it’s easier, we’ve created a downloadable article for you to quickly print off and share. Healthy Marriage Tips A to Z – Own It