Honor Each Other
My Queen – Matt’s Thoughts
On your wedding day, did you (your name here) promise to honor (your spouse’s name here) above all others for as long as you both live? I’ve heard that phrase at several weddings and whether you said it or not…it is implied. What does that look like in a healthy marriage?
My first exposure to the concept of honor was as a child being taught the commandment “Honor your father and mother.” I was taught that it was by my actions and speech that I honored or dishonored my parents…whether I was with them or not. In the presence of one’s parents, a child often has the fear of punishment that keeps him in line. Thus, there is a greater impression made regarding honoring or dishonoring one’s parents when the child’s parents are not present.
Similarly, it seems to me that one displays the greatest honor or dishonor to their spouse when they are not with their spouse by the way they act and ESPECIALLY talk about their spouse. Therefore, any chance we get, we need to speak positively of our beloved. It is easy to get caught up in negative talk. Yes, your spouse has annoying habits, imperfections and character flaws – just like you and every other married person – but let’s steer clear of the gripe sessions others are having even if we know we can relate. It’s like a pig pen where neither you nor your spouse will get away without getting muddy. Instead, be the one who shifts the conversation from pitiful me to praise for my life-long love. Usually, then, either the crowd disperses or another person pipes in with something positive about their spouse.
Let’s shower our darling with presents when they’re not present by speaking highly of him/her.
I have much room for improvement, but in her presence I try to treat Laura as my queen, and when we’re apart I aim to let everyone around me know by the way I talk about her that she is my queen.
Do Unto Others – Laura’s Thoughts
Here’s a question: What do we possibly have to gain by talking negatively about our spouse to others? Besides the fact that it’s sinful, it actually has the potential to make you look bad. After all – you’re the one who married this person of whom you have nothing nice to say.
There are times I may need to share something about our marriage with another person in an effort to obtain advice on how to handle a situation – but I have to be super careful to do this in a way that still honors Matt. And I have to prayerfully choose the person I confide in.
These are the some of the things I try to consider regarding how I talk to my husband or talk to others about my husband which I adapted from a post I wrote a year and a half ago called Make Him or Break Him:
- Would I want him/her to talk to me like this?
- Would I want him/her to look at me this way when he’s/she’s talking to me?
- Would I want him/her to talk to his/her friends about me like this?
- Would I want him/her to talk to me in front of other people this way?
If the answer is “no” to any of those questions, then with all due respect, I have to suggest that you just hush.
Or on the flip side, as Matt talked about, if instead you are intentional about saying honorable things about your spouse to others, you will be amazed at what a rewarding experience this is!
Ladies, we know you’re reading here more often than the guys. ;) We’d love husbands to read this article as well. If you feel so inclined please send the link to your husbands, or if it’s easier, we’ve created a downloadable article for you to quickly print off and share. Healthy Marriage Tips from A to Z – Honor