Comments on: Becoming a Better Help Meet: Let’s Get Real

By: Donna

Donna — Wed, 27 Jan 2010 09:12:28 +0000

Well said Laura!
My dh sometimes will say;
“you can’t help how you feel, but you can help what you DO!”

Learning that feelings can be somewhat irrelevant is true wisdom!….now if I can only teach my boys that just because they FEEL like taking their brother’s toy, doesn’t mean that they should….. ;-)

By: Nikki

Nikki — Tue, 26 Jan 2010 20:16:01 +0000

Wow. I have loved reading this post today and all of the comments. I have alot to work on. I grew up with a father that belittled my mother, was an alcoholic, made my mother fix every little thing for him and if it wasn’t right he went irate. When he was in the house we were all on pins and needles trying to not mess up. My mother feared him. So, when I got married almost 5 years ago I had this mentality. “You can fix your plate yourself.” “I am not your servant.” “You have 2 hands and feet just like I do.” “I am not your maid.” “Go get it yourself.”

I just cringe typing these words out. I felt this way because I did not want to marry someone like my dad. Every time my husband would ask for something it would make me think of my parents marriage and I would get very “independent” and selfish.

We have hit several rough spots but have come a long way. I have been praying for my husband and our marriage daily and then God led me here.

I am so excited to become a better help meet for my husband. Thank you!

By: Morgan

Morgan — Tue, 26 Jan 2010 19:26:36 +0000

Honestly, it was a lot easier to respond to the “real moms” post. I think because I know I am a good mom even if my house and kids aren’t perfect but I know I fall waaay short of being a good wife. I have trouble letting go of past hurts, remembering that he is not perfect (and neither am I), and keeping score. I pray for our marriage every day because I know Satan would love nothing more than to split us up.

By: Danielle

Danielle — Tue, 26 Jan 2010 19:01:39 +0000

My husband and I have literally been to hell and back in our almost 5 years of marriage. There was a time about 2 years ago when we couldn’t stand each other. I didn’t like him and he didn’t like me. We would spend the evenings playing with our 18 month old son and preparing for the very soon birth of our daughter, but we had nothing to say to each other, nothing in common, nothing to share. Any attempts at conversation always led to horrific blow-out arguements.
My parents are divorced and his mom is remarried, so I was always asking myself the question, “Why not just get divorced?” The problem was that there was this small piece of my heart that could almost see the person I fell in love with 2 years earlier. His parents encouraged divorce, and oddly enough my parents kept telling us to give it some time. They were still grappling with the devastating pain of divorce in their own lives. They didn’t want us to give up.
Everything changed when I went in for my 2nd c-section to have Izzy delivered. I had been on blood thinners during pregnancy and the dosage was miscalculated before delivery. I nearly bled out on the operating table. In recovery they couldn’t get my heartrate to stabilize for several hours. It was scary. But most importantly, that near death experience brought a lot of my own selfishness and pride into clear focus- it was sin.
The road from that day, September 14, 2007 until today has been long, painful, full of tears and prayers and constant failures. I’m still quick to belittle my husband and disrespect him. But thank God I’m not where I used to be. My husband is my best friend again, and we have never experienced as close of a relationship with anyone else as we do with each other.
The book that helped me the most was “Power of a Praying Wife” by Stormie O’Martin. I still pray those prayers almost every day.
The most important part, to me, of being the best helpmeet as possible for my husband is going to God Himself each day asking for my eyes to be opened to how I need to change, what my wrong actions and behaviors are, etc. He never lies to me, and His advice has never been wrong.
(Sorry for such a long reply.)

By: Pat

Pat — Tue, 26 Jan 2010 18:37:26 +0000

This is for a little chuckle. A few years ago in church, the teacher in the class asked, “who in here is perfect?” I raised my hand, and she then said, “well, most of us are not” and then continued with her lesson. A friend came up to me after classs and said that I must have some type of explanation to my comment, and I explained to her that I was perfect at being imperfect. We both got a chuckle.

Our husbands are perfect in that area also. Perfect at being imperfect.

By: Melinda

Melinda — Tue, 26 Jan 2010 03:38:21 +0000

Thank you so much for this post. I rarely EVER meet my husband at the door at the end of day, let alone acknowledge he has entered the house! Not because I don’t love him – I do and we have a great relationship. But he walks in and the kids attack and want his every attention and just let them. In my mind it is like this: “Oh, good, he’s home. I can do what I need and he can take care of this kids.” He’s MY help-meet. I do not want it to be that way and this was a great eye-opener to something I never really gave a second thought but I know he will truly appreciate the loving attention.

By: Cammie

Cammie — Tue, 26 Jan 2010 00:17:25 +0000

I am so thankful that I married my best friend…I love him so much and really thats why I think my little frustrations with him affect me so much! If I was not so passionate about the guy, what he did would not matter to me. I do realize though that when our fights are ugliest is when I am being self-centered and wanting it “my way or the highway”. I am thank-full that I married a Godly man and that we can look to the Lord to perfect us. Thank you for this series, it is a timely reminder to me.

By: Shonda

Shonda — Mon, 25 Jan 2010 23:07:41 +0000

Sometimes I get discouraged because my husband does not meet all of my expectations, but then I think about that I probably don’t meet all of his either and that puts me in perspective. One thing that I do that really keeps me on track is to PRAY for my husband every day. Not only do I pray for him, but I pray especially for myself (See Power of a Praying Wife).

By: Holly

Holly — Mon, 25 Jan 2010 20:11:34 +0000

Hee hee, this is a good opportunity to share that I told my hubby that I wanted chocolates for Valentines this year. He’s never done anything for the holiday before, and of course when we were dating I told him I thought it was a silly holiday (but back then he used to bring me flowers every week so I was getting my fill of romance). But now he doesn’t do anything romantic, not really. So instead of getting mad at him this year, I told him what I needed emotionally and physically from him on February 14th. When he acted puzzled, I explained that I missed the romance, and sometimes I don’t want to be treated like a mommy, I wanted to be treated like a lady. It was a big moment in our relationship, because I told him what I needed instead of childishly hoping he would magically guess and surprise me.

I have to laugh when I think about that conversation because he was so sweet about it but had no clue what day Valentines was, and then wanted to know why I wanted chocolates because “you’re not going to eat them anyways.” We had a good laugh about my bad track record with sweets (I’m a nibbler and a saver). It was such a painless conversation, and so much better than me feeling hurt and disappointed and resentful!!

By: Rochelle

Rochelle — Mon, 25 Jan 2010 16:16:19 +0000

One of the things that I’ve learned about “being real” in my marriage (8 years) is that most of the time when I’m mad at him, it’s usually my problem. I’ve let 20 little things build up until 1 thing he does makes me furious! And that’s my fault for letting it build up. Also one of my short comings is expecting him to read my mind. I’ve learned (esp about my husband) is if I don’t tell him, don’t expect it to be done! So usually if I’m angry, I first search myself to make sure that the anger I’m experiencing isn’t coming from my own problems.